The Thoughtful Death Doula

10/17/2026

I met Trevor from Frequency Glass a couple weeks ago. As a death doula, I'm always interested in death related things so when I saw he did memorial marbles, worry stones, and pendants using cremated ashes that are beautiful - I was curious.

With my mother-in-law's passing, I had two made with her ashes. They are subtle, pretty, and feel like something she'd like. Mystical, almost.

We are thrilled with these.

10/08/2026

It's been a week. Four deaths in our circle including my mother-in-law and a friend. One who had lived a whole life and one who feels stolen from us too young. People around us grieving and waiting and planning.

Peace hiding its face from me.

And yet, family and friends everywhere we look. Sharing sadness and stories like a meal for the soul. Being a death doula doesn't protect you from grief, even though I know enough to name it and let it happen.

Love, peaking from shadows.

10/08/2026

Join me at Coffin Creek Coffee Co. on October 20th at 5-7 pm for Durham Region's death cafe. We talk life, death, dying, and grief. Death cafes are safe places to explore topics that some might find strange.

Come and experience and

09/23/2026

Maybe.

introductions 🌱

09/20/2026

Interested in attending a death cafe? I am hosting one at the Whitby library Brooklin branch on Tuesday September 22nd at 6:30 pm

Bring a coffee or tea, your curiosity, and your desire for community

Whitby Public Library

09/01/2026

So last Friday was something new. Joey and I are working at the back door mission in Oshawa offering low barrier access to death cafes.

08/22/2026

Last month I did a at Oshawa Libraries and one of the librarians pulled this book out for us. I fell in love, put a hold on it, and have been enjoying it for a few weeks.

Iris Gottlieb • Illustration gives us an illustrated, graphic novel type exploration of what it means to live with death. I've attached a few of my favourite pages.

Her questions are thoughtful and open-ended, the illustrations meaningful in their simplicity, and the font settles my anxiety without coming across as unserious.

I'm going to buy this for my collection. It slices through what bothers us about death with precision while being incredibly accessible.

08/17/2026

Can you plan your own Funeral?

As a death doula, one of the most loving things I encourage people to do is talk about what they want before they need it.

That includes your funeral.

In Canada, you have choices. You don't have to leave your family to figure everything out while they're grieving.

You can start by thinking about:

Burial or cremation?

What kind of service feels right?

Where would you like it held?

What music, readings, stories or rituals matter to you? Think beyond the standard funeral package. What would make people say, "That was so them"?

What do you want your body to look like? Clothing, makeup, viewing, no viewing, being washed and prepared in a particular way—these are worth discussing.

What about your ashes or burial? Have you imagined where you'd like them to be kept, scattered or buried?

What about the money? Funerals can be expensive. Talk openly about your budget and find out exactly what is—and isn't—included in funeral arrangements.

And then there's one incredibly important step:
Tell someone.

Write it down. Talk to your partner. Tell your children. Give a copy to someone you trust. Make sure the people who will actually be making decisions know what matters to you.

And remember: pre-planning isn't necessarily the same thing as pre-paying.

You can document your wishes without committing to a particular funeral home or financial arrangement.

If you do decide to prepay, make sure you understand the contract, cancellation terms and the rules that apply where you live.

Your funeral doesn't have to be elaborate.

It doesn't have to be traditional.

It doesn't even have to look like a "funeral."

It just needs to reflect you.

Death is one of the few things we know will happen to every one of us.

Planning for it doesn't make you morbid.

It means you're having a conversation while you can still have it—and potentially giving your family one less difficult decision to make when they're missing you most.

So, if you could design your own goodbye, what would it look like? 🕯️

08/11/2026

Even death doulas face things that they don't want to face. My husband and I made the trek "home" recently to see his mother - and to maybe say goodbye.

It's beautiful here, and I'm wondering what it might be like when she's gone.

07/21/2026

another tool in the pouch ;)

There are books you read, and then there are books that read you right back. Megan Devine's How to Carry What Can't Be Fixed: A Journal for Grief is emphatically the latter. This is not a book to be passively consumed; it's a book to be used—scribbled in, wept over, thrown across the room, and clutched close again. For anyone navigating the raw, unrelenting terrain of loss, this journal serves as a compassionate and deeply practical companion.

A Voice That Truly Understands

One of the most striking aspects of this journal is the profound sense of understanding that permeates every page. You can feel that Megan Devine isn't just a therapist who has studied grief; she is someone who has lived it . After the tragic loss of her partner, she channeled her experience into writing that cuts through the platitudes and toxic positivity that so often surround grief. Her message is a revolutionary act of kindness in a culture that desperately wants to "fix" what cannot be fixed . The core premise is a relief: grief isn't a problem to be solved, but an experience to be carried .

A Practical and Creative Guide

What truly sets this book apart is its format. It's a beautifully illustrated journal filled with unique, creative ways to open a dialogue with your grief . Instead of empty journal pages staring back at you, Devine provides thoughtful writing prompts, on-the-spot practices for tough situations like grocery store trips or awkward social encounters, and even tear-and-share resources to help educate friends and family .

Many readers have found that the physical process of the activities—making drawings, collages, or simply coloring—helps process grief in a way that traditional journaling sometimes can't . It offers a gentle, manageable way to engage when you have little energy and even less concentration. As one reviewer put it, after months of "mostly scrolling or watching tv or the ceiling, this is pretty amazing" .

A Note on Using the Book

A popular piece of advice from readers is to get the book spiral-bound at a local print shop so it can lay flat for writing, drawing, and coloring . This small step makes the journal even more user-friendly and signals that you are not here to keep this book pristine; you're here to engage with it honestly.

A Final Word

How to Carry What Can't Be Fixed is a refuge. It validates your pain without judgment, reminding you that there is nothing "wrong" with you for feeling as you do . It won't offer a quick fix or a tidy ending, but it will walk with you, offering a safe space to find your own truth and begin to build a life alongside your loss . If you are grieving, or if you love someone who is, this is the guide and gentle friend you have been needing.