04/20/2021
I dreamt of you last night.
Spoke of you out loud in my sleep.
I could see the lines in your face, the blue of your eyes and the smile you give me when you’re telling me you’re proud of me without saying a word… I miss that so much, thank you, I needed it.
In my dream you were gone from this earth as you are now, but still, you were there with me going through all your things.
Some of them I recognized and some I didn’t.
We chose our favourites, piled the others, releasing what no longer serves me, physically, emotionally and spiritually.
You hugged me a lot, held me.
I could smell your familiar perfume, the strength in your embrace and you didn’t pull away first. You never did.
The pain of you being gone and the fact you couldn't stay long to help me stung deeply,, but in the moments we had I knew you were telling me that you’re ok and that I will be too.
The fear inside of me roars loudly, convinces me that I’ll never be able to achieve my dreams without you here beside me, guiding me and applauding me.
That I’ll never be the Mother you were to me.
My dreams of becoming a writer are no exception to these fears.
All my life you’ve encouraged me to write, always told me I’d succeed in anything I set my mind to, but without you here, lately my ears have fallen deaf to the possibilities in front of me.
Without your voice and reassurance, my strength had gone weary.
But in all truth after last night, I think somehow you’ve managed to say that anyways, this time, without words.
You’ve placed people into my life to grow and support me, it’s like they come out of nowhere and although things are piling up and my strength is continually being tested, I see so clearly now where I’m going.
A flame flickers inside of me, reaching out of the hot coals that have been smouldering and smoking me out this past year.
Today I feel grounded and connected to you, so I’m using that for your guidance.
Today I’m reminded that you’re never very far away, in fact, you’re at the centre of it all.
I am a
And You will always be part of The Story. 🙏