09/08/2018
This post isn't easy for me & I honestly don't know the right words to put down, but I'd like to at least share some somber thoughts due to recent events.
I haven't been doing great mentally in recent days and I can't seem to pull out of it as I'd hope. As someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, the stigma surrounding it has also deterred me from speaking out, as I don't want to face backlash & make my state any worse. But I'm breaking that silence right now. I have attatched photos and screenshots on this post that share how I'm feeling currently. Despite all the posts I have been seeing about checking up on your friends... I have been met with, "oh c'mon cheer up," "stop being sad bitch," "why does it matter?" and, "just go with the flow," when reaching out to others. Which inexplicably makes my head worse. I don't know where I'm going with this other than what the last photo (10) on this post says.... it is not attention seeking to ask for help. And you are not a burden doing so. We, as a society, need to be better at responding to those in need, giving them support and care rather than criticism.
I have been thrown back into thoughts on how I got here.. the childhood abandonment, abuse, and neglect. And the absence of understanding the severity of mental illness & addiction, a life of which I have witnessed its tolling affects.
I can remember the disarray of my childhood, and I explicitly remember a specific memory when I was 3 or 4 years old experiencing this environment. I can see myself as a little girl, made to go in her room to not see her father's behavior, crying and distraught, comforting herself... coping, by improvising songs and singing to herself. This memory lingers near me always. And its the reason I want to actively participate in the music industry and start creating my own music and tell my story. I will forever be an advocate for mental health and a soul to offer support.
As I get through my own bad days, I hope others can connect with my story and my current struggles and believe in me enough to want to join me & help create.
