Lead Like a Woman - with Kathy Coleman

18/03/2026

Working excessive hours, the always on culture - these are often a given in senior consulting roles. But what happens when you cross the line and it starts to cost you your health and your sense of self? How do you recognise the signs and how do you come back from that? In this edition I explore these issues and also share some surprising research into why women don't get the same recognition for the longer hours. Read the latest edition of Partner Material here.

Last week my husband and I took a few days off and went away. It was wonderful to have someone else take care of the food and the housekeeping stuff and to spend our time walking and cycling in an area of the UK (the Suffolk coastline) we hadn't visited before.

07/10/2024

To get promoted you have to make a success of your current role.

This is a directive that many of my clients hear from their boss – show us you can make a go of this role in order to get promoted.

Is it true? Well, not too many people get a senior promotion by messing up their current role although it can happen 😳 but it certainly isn’t the full picture, particularly when you are attempting the big leap from senior manager to director.

Some people also hear a sub-text: ‘show us that you are an expert, show us that you can do every role in your team better than the people in your team and show us that you are prepared to sacrifice having a life to make it to the top’.

Now that sub-text definitely isn’t true although there are still far too many people who think it is.

The bigger picture around any senior promotion has to include so much more than making a success of your current role. When I work with clients we cover:

👉🏻 Motivation and Mission

What do you want to achieve in that senior role? What difference are you passionate about making for the people around you? Defining, holding and sharing that vision not only fuels the drive to get there but also gets you noticed as someone of value.

👉🏻 Mindset

Get clear about your values, do they align with your vision and are you behaving in a way that connects to them? Understand and remove old beliefs that are driving behavioural patterns that don’t serve you. Get to know you – inside out.

👉🏻 Mind The Gap

How you are going to develop and strengthen your team so that you have the energy and space to look upwards and outwards? What will be different in your new role, what development do you need and what support (including at home) are you going to need to put around you as you make the big leap?

👉🏻 Making It

Who do you need to share your vision with to garner their sponsorship, become visible and create a network of allies? What are your plans to transition into the new role, what do you need to let go of and what do you need to seize? How are you going to take care of yourself physically and emotionally?

👉🏻 Maintaining It

How will you embed yourself into your new role, gaining mastery over time? How will you further develop your vision, keep motivated and stay relevant?

These are just some of the things we work through because focusing on making a success of your current role isn’t enough to get you the next promotion or to stop you falling off a cliff edge once you do.

How does the above resonate for you? Need some help working it through?

---------------------------------------------
Hi, I'm Kathy.

My vision is to help women leaders create a different experience of work, for themselves and those around them.

DM me to find out how I can help you.

04/10/2024

Do you have a problem saying NO at work?

In 2009 I was leading several large-scale programmes as part of the merger of two companies. It was a full-on, stressful cocktail of long days, difficult decisions and complex problems.

I was also ill. A hacking cough and chest pain was diagnosed in A&E as pneumonia. Insufficiently bad to warrant admittance I was prescribed bed rest, pain killers and antibiotics.

That evening my boss called. On hearing the diagnosis he said ‘oh, I was going to ask you to take on an additional programme, can you still do it?’

Maybe it was my mildly delirious state or my drug addled brain but I didn’t say no even though I wanted to.

Looking back I can’t believe that was me. I am now a masterful boundary setter.

Here’s the thing. Whilst many women are comfortable saying no and setting boundaries other people often have a problem accepting them.

It isn’t just about workload either. A client described a meeting full of sexist innuendo. As the only woman she politely said she found it uncomfortable and asked for it to stop. Afterwards her boss took her aside and suggested she be less ‘nippy!’

Another client spoke calmly to her boss about her propensity to assign work to my clients’ team without her knowledge. Her boss labelled her ‘difficult to work with.' A promised promotion went to someone else.

Women are caught in a double-bind. When we say no, or set boundaries, we are labelled nippy, difficult to work with, abrasive, confrontational and we get shut out of relationships and opportunities.

If we say yes we end up doing things we don’t want to do, absorbing additional, unrealistic workloads and putting up with unacceptable behaviour.

So what do we do?

My advice would always be to say no and set boundaries because the alternative is much harder to live with in the long term. Resentment and stress build up and threaten our wellbeing.

Additionally:

💁🏼‍♀️ take your time with your no. Find a trusted advisor or coach who can be impartial and ask great questions to get you to a balanced assessment of the situation.

💁🏼‍♀️ evaluate the cost of no and decide if you are willing to pay it. Make sure you are dealing in facts and not exaggerating the potential consequences from a place of fear. I wouldn’t have lost my job by saying no to another programme but it would likely have pi**ed my boss off.

💁🏼‍♀️ pick your fights. Your boundaries are there to protect you but it may be that allowing an occasional minor transgressions to go unchallenged is a better way to look after your mental health. Just don’t let that become the thin edge of the wedge and permission for others to push harder.

💁🏼‍♀️look at how to mitigate your no if you think the cost is going to be high. Are there alternative routes to get what might be denied to you if you say no?

Remember - you are a reasonable, balanced, well-adjusted woman who has every right to say what she wants and set boundaries to protect herself.

03/10/2024

SOFT, FLUFFY, WEAK - IS THAT HOW WOMEN SEE FEMININE LEADERSHIP TRAITS?

I was working with a client this morning. She is an amazing female leader: a powerhouse of strategic prowess, creativity, collaboration, and empathy. Many of her traits and behaviours fall into those we typically recognise as more feminine: long-term and global perspective-taking, emotionally literate and nurturing, seeking opportunities for networked thinking and interconnectedness.

She embodies a leadership style that’s as multi-dimensional as it is effective. But here’s the kicker—she doesn’t quite see it that way. In fact, she dismisses, underplays and undervalues her skills as "fluffy" and "soft", especially when she compares them to her (female) boss’ more masculine traits of being outcome-focused, competitive, and directive.

She is definitely not alone.

Most of my clients feel that their feminine traits are weak, not suitable for the cut and thrust of the workplace and something to be cancelled as they aim to secure senior roles by emphasising their more masculine behaviours.

I am not blaming women here. Over millennia the patriarchy has taught us to believe that our lives, our bodies and our minds are not as valuable as men’s. That we are worth-less. Is it any wonder that unwittingly and unconsciously many of us believe that feminine characteristics are not as valuable as masculine? And that is true whether they are displayed by women or men!

There's bucket-loads of research that proves that when more women are in senior roles companies do better by all measures.

But the research is vague about feminine traits. It primarily focuses on representation: number of women in senior positions, rather than how they are behaving.

Organisations and leaders do talk about feminine traits as being important. In a survey of 64,000 people across 13 countries, two-thirds of respondents—regardless of gender—ranked feminine leadership traits as essential for tackling today's most pressing problems in business, education, government, and beyond. And yet I wonder how many of those people work for organisations that are still steeped in recognising and rewarding masculinity across all genders?

There is a difference between our logical, conscious, minds reading and believing the research and then actually embodying and acting on it. Until we are able to then we are denying a huge part of who we are and that can only make us unhappy, unfulfilled and, in the long term, unwell.

And, of course, the workplace culture stays masculine.

I'm about to launch a research questionnaire into the balance of masculine and feminine traits in an organisation and I invite you to participate. It will give you some great insights and some tangible action points to facilitate change. Watch out for that coming in the next couple of weeks or DM me for the link.

In the meantime what are your thoughts - do you value feminine traits or feel the need to hide them? Let me know in the comments below.

02/10/2024

To Make it to the Top - CEO Must Be Part of Your Identity

I have a vivid memory of my leaving drinks from a major consulting firm. I was chatting to one of my team members and he shared something that astonished me: he and many of his peers believed I would become the first female CEO. To me that was almost laughable. I had never envisioned myself in that role. Ever.

It's a familiar story for many women in today's workforce. We grew up in a society where stereotypes subtly shaped our self-perception. When playing Doctors and Nurses as children, we were the Nurses, while the boys were the Doctors. From the moment we are born, we wear multiple identities: daughter, sister, partner, wife. As we progress through life, our career and roles add to that mix. But like many, I found it almost impossible to think Director, Chief Executive, or Chair would ever play any part in my identity.

And that lack is of huge importance.

The way we see ourselves drives our actions. Our beliefs shape our thoughts, influence our decisions, and determine the results we achieve.

I remember a senior executive meeting where, despite holding a senior executive title, I found myself clearing away lunch plates with the HR Director (also a woman) while the men chatted. This behavior subconciously reflected my struggle to embrace the Director in my title and role as I dropped into a more familiar identity of being helpful and getting things done - even the trivial things.

My actions signalled to others how I saw myself, perhaps reinforcing their perceptions of a woman's role and leaving me feeling lacking and less worthy, despite tangible evidence of my accomplishments and achievements.

The identity struggle resurfaced when I started my own company. In the first years, I didn't identify as a CEO, Business Woman, or Entrepreneur. I clung to the hard-won corporate identity of Programme Director and part of me felt lost and less-than because I didn't have that anymore.

When I realised this was limiting my business's growth I vowed to shift things.

The game-changer was understanding that I couldn't merely think my way into a new identity; I had to embody it.

What does that mean? It means practicing stepping into that identity daily, visualising yourself as the person you want to be, and more importantly, generating the feeling of being that identity in every cell of your body.

I had to 'be' the CEO and take action from that place.

Science now shows us that the stages to becoming the person we want to be are BE, DO, BECOME.

It's not fake it until you make it - quite the opposite.

It's about aligning your emotions and feelings with your thoughts and then acting from that place. It's a shift in energy, grounded in quantum physics (honestly!)

Does this resonate? Let me know in the comments if you are struggling to believe you can add Senior Manager, CEO, Director, or C-suite exec to your identity. And if you want to change - get in touch. I can help.

01/10/2024

I am NOT wearing sequins!

I was having a coffee and a chat with a friend this morning and we got onto the topic of personal change.

Just about everyone finds making personal change pretty difficult – whether it’s keeping to a promise to eat better, going to the gym regularly or, like many of my clients, becoming the leader they know they are capable of being.

Change is uncomfortable because we run programmes in our mind (often subconsciously) that keep us repeating old patterns of behaviour, even when that behaviour doesn’t serve us.

Here’s some eye-catching statistics to show what we are up against:

🧠 90% of the thoughts we have today are the same thoughts we had yesterday

🧠 95% of the thoughts we have in a day are in our subconscious mind and we are unaware of them

Our subconscious genuinely isn’t trying to sabotage us, quite the opposite, it is trying to keep us safe in the comfort of predictability.

Like many of us my friend is on her own journey of personal growth. She told me a story about a women’s group she attends and the lady who runs it. This lady absolutely adores sequins and wears them every day in December - because it’s Christmas and she loves them and well – why not? 💖💖

Lots of people ask her if she is raising money for charity and she tells them “no, I just love sequins and it’s Christmas”. The implication presumably is that if you are making a fool of yourself turning up on the school run in a sequinned dress then it must be for charity – right?!!

Wrong!

This lady wears sequins because she loves them, and she is all out showing the world who she really is. She doesn’t give a damn what people think because she is happy and expressing her true self.

She also actively encourages her women’s group members to turn up to meetings dressed in – yes, you’ve guessed it – sequins. ✨✨✨

My friend never has. She has told herself "I am NOT wearing sequins" - until today. During her daily swim she decided to buy a pair of sequinned trousers for the next meeting. She has always had, as part of her identity, a belief that she is shy and prefers to blend into the background. Recently she has come to realise she isn’t shy at all, she loves interacting with people, loves attention and ‘shy’ is just an old programme running in her mind.

When she thinks about the woman she wants to become, that woman ABSOLUTELY would wear sequinned trousers.

It’s a great example of the work I do with my clients who want embrace their true leadership identity by letting go of behavioural patterns that come from societal expectations, stereotypes and biases.

And rather than making it hard can we make it playful - like sequinned trousers?

Pick some small fun ways to act differently.

If we don’t behave like the empowered, feminine leader we want to be then we will never become her.

So what small, playful, actions could you take on your big adventurous journey to becoming the woman you want to be?

Let me know ⬇️

30/09/2024

Do you ever feel like there are two versions of you?

As women leaders, it's all too common to feel the pressure to hide our true selves. Sometimes, we're not even aware of it - it’s a subconscious behaviour adopted over years.

We fear that if we give full reign to our feminine traits, we'll be seen as soft, fluffy, weak—not leadership material.

So, we put on a work persona based on what we think is expected of us, not who we truly are. It’s almost like having a dual personality. Our friends and family might not recognise us at work, and our colleagues wouldn't recognise the person we are at home.

Yes, of course, we behave differently in different environments. But it shouldn’t mean becoming two different people or hiding our true selves because we're afraid to let her out.

If we try to become someone that isn't truly 'us' then that leads to unhappiness, stress and possibly even burnout.

And here's the thing - our highest version of ourselves is ALWAYS the best in any situation, whether at work or home.

As the highest version of ourselves, we:

💥 Step into our power

💥 Have the best intentions

💥 Honor our boundaries

💥 Celebrate ourselves

💥 Create our life and career on our own terms

When we embrace our highest version, we are truly happy, more successful, and more impactful.

And when women are the highest version of themselves, we become a formidable force that can change the world.

So, what’s stopping you coming out of hiding?

If this resonates and you want to step into the best version of yourself, DM me to learn more about my Lead Like a Woman coaching programmes.

27/09/2024

Unleash your Leadership Superpower!

Who would you BE if you believed that being a woman was your ultimate leadership superpower? 🔥

For far too long, women been told that our natural, instinctive traits don’t belong in the corporate world. We’ve adopted personas that don’t align with who we truly are, believing this will bring success. But all it brings is exhaustion and a soul-crushing sense of disconnection from who we really are.

I’ve felt that disconnect.

For so many years I couldn't fully enjoy my career because something felt 'off' about the way I had to behave in order to keep climbing the ladder.

I thought I was just in the wrong job - I fantasised about giving it all up to become an interior designer, run my own delicatessen, set up a cookery school...

Anything that got rid of that sense of being lost and trapped in a career that didn't light me up.

Now I know it wasn't the work but the lack of alignment with my true identity - the person I really was underneath all those limiting beliefs and societal stereotypes.

Imagine a world where all women know with absolute certainty that their instinctive, natural traits are the very ones that define the most successful leaders, entrepreneurs, and creators? 🌟

Here’s the truth—they ARE.

In "The Athena Doctrine" by John Gerzema and Michael D’Antonio, (subtitled: how women, and the men who think like them, will rule the future) research reveals that the qualities of a modern leader are inherently feminine.

They surveyed 64,000 people across 13 countries, representing 65% of the world’s GDP. The results?

The most effective leaders possess traits like:

🧡 Sharing feelings and emotions openly and honestly
🧡 Connecting deeply and personally
🧡 Exuding patience, kindness, and empathy
🧡 Breaking through deadlock with reason over ideology
🧡 Thinking long-term
🧡 Championing inclusivity, collaboration, and shared credit
🧡 Harnessing intuition and evaluating problems from multiple angles

Does this resonate? Could you let it ignite a belief in your own superpower as a woman leader? 💥

When you believe in your inherent power, it sparks a profound shift—a surge of confidence, positive energy and empowerment.

The more women who experience that shift the more we can transform everyone's experience at work. As the Dalai Lama famously said ‘the world will be saved by the Western Woman’.

When I connect with this energy, I feel unstoppable. And I know you can too. 🙌🏻

So who would you be if you believed in your own leadership superpower?

If this resonates drop me a ❤️ and share with your network of super-powered women leaders.

26/09/2024

We cannot truly be a Leader until we learn to lead ourselves.

Every human carries, to a greater or lesser extent, their own internal struggles based on the unhelpful beliefs they have accumulated since childhood. Beliefs that drive behaviours such as the need to be right, to prove to people that we know what we are doing and that we deserve our role and our position.

For women in leadership those beliefs can be amplified by the additional challenges of gender stereotyping, double-standards and biases.

Most of us try to hide what is going on internally and put on a leadership persona designed to meet external expectations. It’s not the best approach to ensuring success and certainly not a route to happiness and fulfilment.

True leadership means ditching the false persona and doing the internal work to fully know ourselves: the historic but unhelpful thought patterns and behaviours, the things that trigger us, what is most important to us and what success means for us beyond the societal and family expectations.

From this place of knowing we learn to LEAD OURSELVES FIRST so we can lead others from a much better place.

A place of aligned, clean energy where we aren’t constantly triggered, where our emotions are a source of knowledge rather than a split-second reaction that alarms or triggers those around us, where we focus on supporting our team so they can contribute to their fullest expression and collectively create amazing outcomes.

This aligned leadership has influence far beyond our direct reports, gives us a voice that is heard above all the noise and makes the kind of organisational difference that brings us personal fulfilment and a sense of purpose.

This leadership has a ripple effect. It moves outwards impacting the people you lead and the people they lead.

It’s why learning to lead yourself is the first part of all my coaching programmes – 1:1 or Group.

If you’re ready to embark on the journey of self-leadership and unlock your full potential as a leader, let’s connect. I can help you become the authentic, powerful leader you are.

Let’s create a world where women lead with confidence, clarity, and courage for the good of the entire organisation.

25/09/2024

Burgers, Guilt and Self-Care: the struggle is real!

Picture this: It's 9pm, and I'm back in my impersonal hotel room after another challenging day on client site. Since 7am I've navigated complex client issues, worked with my team through several challenges, written a board paper and somehow managed to almost stay on top of my never-ending to-do list.

I'm exhausted, both mentally and physically.

The room service menu stares back at me - Caesar salad, steak and fries, fish and chips, or a burger. Despite my best intentions to 'eat healthy,' I find myself ordering the burger. Again.

As I sit there, burger in hand, the familiar wave of guilt washes over me. 'You should know better,' my inner critic chides. 'So much for self-care.'

But here's the thing: What I really needed wasn't on that menu. I needed my own bed. I needed a hug from my husband. I needed a non-work conversation to help me decompress and process the day.

This was me for years in my full-on Programme Director consulting role.

At the time I had no thought that the burger was anything on than a reflection of my own weak will and inability to stick to a diet and so I beat myself up accordingly.

Ironically, I had spent time the previous weekend cooking meals to put in the fridge so my husband could eat healthily while I was away.

Why is it that women can always seem to find time to look after others but don’t see the importance of taking care of ourselves? Why do we still live in a society where women take on 70% of household, childcare and elderly care tasks?

If anyone had pointed out to me that I needed to look after myself more (not just around my food choices) I would have been dismissive – waste of time!

But what if we looked at it differently?

What if, instead of guilt, we approached these moments with compassion? What if we recognised that sometimes, in our hectic lives, a burger isn't just a burger - it's comfort, it's convenience, it's the best we can do in that moment?

And when a burger is consistently the best we can do in that moment then some things need to change - and I don’t mean more willpower!

What if we realised that taking care of ourselves is the minimum starting point – it’s not weakness, it’s not time wasted – it’s essential to life. Literally.

Towards the end of my consulting career I did have some breakthroughs - I began to realise that self-care is about treating ourselves with compassion and kindness, it's about rest, connection, nurturing and nourishing ourselves and giving ourselves permission to be human.

But I didn’t ever crack it fully. It just seemed impossible to find time some days when work demands piled up. For most working women the struggle is real and on-going.

I'm curious: Does this resonate? How do you take care of yourself in the midst of demanding work days? What are your 'hotel room' strategies for self-care?

Let me know in the comments. Maybe, by sharing we can help each other.