16/04/2024
One of the first coaching agreements I require of anyone I work with is to give themselves "permission to be messy".
Hereʻs why:
The game of perfection is pretty much stacked to be a game no one, including you, ever wins (like going for that big soft bunny in the claw machine game).
Early on, I learned how to be a good girl. I was taught to be a perfect daughter, granddaughter, cousin, friend, student, even a perfect neighbor.
I was taught in accordance with the standards set by the men, and by the women who had already been indoctrinated by the curriculum set by the men.
Along with most young girls, I learned:
☠️ how to hide my true feelings, so as not to be "too emotional",
☠️ how not to stand out "too much" with my bright and inquisitive mind, so as not to challenge authority;
☠️ how to feign interest when I do not actually care about what the boys and adult men are telling me;
☠️ how to be OK while I stay painfully quiet about what I really, really care about;
☠️ how to allow my body to be something others got to use for their own pleasure;
☠️ how to stay nice and pretty, no. matter. what.
☠️ how to quietly separate myself from, or take down, other girls who did not comply with this curriculum, as a way to guarantee my safety;
☠️ how not to be seen as "too angry" when the rage of any of this feels like just too much to hold in any given moment.
Does any of this feel familiar?
When we have been successfully trained out of being REAL, getting to know the whole mess of who we are is the key to unlocking the door of freedom in full expression.
And, ironically, the mess is where the actual perfection lives!
It is the snotty, grumpy, disgruntled, angry, stressed, overwhelmed, sad, heartbroken, and not quite put together parts of you that, if embraced, unlock your full expression.
This is where the gold lives.
My playing time in the bogus game of perfection significantly decreased once I embraced my MESS.
My mess included all the parts of me that made me look, act, and choose differently from what was expected of me as a woman, a mother, a daughter, a professional, a wife, or a friend.
My mess become, and still is, a cherished ally.
To this day, I can rely on my mess to point me towards alignment with the only perfection that truly exists - the integrity that lives deep inside.
Since my childhood, I have had to spit out a lot of poison to create a life of self-respect, self-love and self-expression. The act of doing so naturally led me to center my lifeʻs work around service to others who want to undo the same damaging curriculum.
All this is why I start any coaching connection with asking my clients to please consider getting messy (I explain more of what that means in our session).
Right now, what part of you would show herself if given such full permission?
Your desires and gifts live in those gold rivers flowing just beneath the surface of you, my dear.
This is where the beautiful "mess" of you gets to spill out and adorn the landscape of your current life - in true safety with someone holding you through any uncertainty of what you find.
Yum. This is the good stuff. 🔥
Cultural perfection is oh, so boring.
PS - If youʻre at a "Now, what?" phase in your life or work, this is the level of conversation we can have together in a strategy session. Sign up for your free consult at stephyost.com.
