12/08/2024
GUIDES ON HOW TO MAINTAIN HEALTHY FRIENDSHIPS AND ENJOY A RELATIVELY PEACEFUL LIFE
©Nathaniel David Dandasu
Policy Analyst and Political Historian
The phrase "no man is an island" is undoubtedly a fact of human existence. As we live on planet Earth, we must mingle and relate with other humans. In life, the certainty of contradictions, misunderstandings, quarrels, etc., are bound to occur. Here are some guides on how to maintain a healthy and near-perfect friendship:
1. Make friends with people who share similar ideologies and world outlooks with you. The major cause of unnecessary arguments between friends is differing views on life and things. Make a few friends, not too many.
2. Learn to give your friends some space. There are times when they need moments for their privacy. Also, remember, familiarity breeds contempt.
3. When you borrow money from your friends, reach an agreement on the date you are to repay and never default. If you can't meet up, call them or physically meet them at least a week before the expiration of your agreement and seek an extension, stating your reasons, then keep quiet. Some may even tell you to go with it or pay some amount. Many friendships/relationships collapse due to money issues.
4. If they have a car, ride, or anything you may likely want to borrow and use, politely inform them in advance, not on the very day or a few hours before the usage. They might give you permission but would be unhappy about late notification.
5. If your friend is wealthier than you, avoid placing the value of your friendship based on their wealth. Relate freely, and when they assist you, be grateful. If they are a good friend, they can use their wealth to secure a job, connection, contract, or even capital for business for you. If you become friends after they have become wealthy, you need to be cautious to avoid them seeing you as a gold digger.
6. If your friend is significantly older than you and responsible, accord them respect due to the age difference. Mind the way you talk or respond to them because anything they say to you is out of shared experience (they have passed your stage in life). The advice they might give you could be worth more than a million naira. Probably the reason they allow you closer is because of your upbringing and principles. Avoid anything bad that will tarnish your image or make them look ridiculous. I am a beneficiary of such a friendship.
7. Sometimes unveiling your success plans could be a mistake. Some friends may not really appreciate it and could start working for your downfall. You need to apply wisdom.
8. Be very careful in discussions you have relating to other people, organizations, politics, tribes, religion, etc. In the future, if there is a crack in the friendship, they might use your conversations to blackmail or tarnish your image. If you are in politics or vying for an elective position, it could be used against you by your political opponents. Ensure whatever you post/discuss can be defended to avoid nailing yourself. Humans can't be trusted one hundred percent.
9. Know how you relate with your friend's family. In other words, if you are a man and have any interest in any of his sisters for a sincere relationship, open up to him, and if the sister agrees, please be honest in the relationship and never break her heart. If the relationship breaks and the fault is from you, it could end your friendship.
10. Put a call before visiting. Don't take your friend for granted and think you can barge in and out of their residence or office. Pick up the phone and call them a day or some hours before the visit.
11. The relationship with female friends must be defined. Female friends' closeness is often attached to romance and love, so as a man, at the first time of contact, clearly spell out the conditions and avoid being in private places/rooms because it can give a negative interpretation. If you are colleagues, maintain a professional and corporate contact.
12. Celebrate with them on their anniversaries. Keep track of your friends' birthdays, wedding anniversaries, and other important dates in their lives, and make sure to celebrate or commiserate with them. Surprise them with gifts. Surprise gifts can also be given to your superiors, colleagues, and domestic staff. It puts smiles on their faces and makes you more likable.
13. Always advise each other. "A friend in need is a friend indeed," as the saying goes. Learn to advise your friends on things that will make their lives better. Even when it involves the hard truth, never hesitate to say it so that posterity will remember you for your honesty. As you advise, learn to motivate each on efforts they are making to succeed with, "keep it up", "nice job", "you are doing well", "best of luck", "thank you" etc.
14. Avoid code-switching mid-way through conversation. When a friend visits you at your residence, office, among friends, etc, ensure you maintain a language/dialect of communication.
