18/03/2021
๐ ๐ฎ๐บ ๐ฎ๐ป ๐๐๐ถ๐ฎ๐ป ๐๐บ๐ฒ๐ฟ๐ถ๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ป ๐๐ผ๐บ๐ฎ๐ป.
I know my white skin might make you think otherwise, but, I am. My grandmother was born and raised in the Philippines, and itโs something Iโm so proud of.
But my Lola taught me to deny my heritage to keep me safe... which is something I never fully understood until I was older. Being anything other than white while living in America, is dangerous. Something we know all too well, especially after the recent tragic attacks against Asian women in Atlanta.
Me feeling like I had to deny who I was came from deeply rooted trauma that started with my Grandmother. She married an American soldier who brought her to the United States with promises of a good life. But then, her very white, very awful, misogynistic husband taught her that everything about her, was wrong.
๐๐๐ซ ๐๐จ๐จ๐ ๐ฐ๐๐ฌ ๐ญ๐จ๐จ ๐ฌ๐ฆ๐๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ฒ.
๐๐๐ซ ๐ฅ๐๐ง๐ ๐ฎ๐๐ ๐ ๐ฌ๐จ๐ฎ๐ง๐๐๐ ๐ฌ๐ญ๐ฎ๐ฉ๐ข๐.
๐๐๐ซ ๐๐๐๐๐ง๐ญ ๐ฐ๐๐ฌ ๐ญ๐จ๐จ ๐ฌ๐ญ๐ซ๐จ๐ง๐ .
๐๐๐ซ ๐ญ๐ซ๐๐๐ข๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง๐ฌ ๐ฐ๐๐ซ๐ ๐๐ซ๐๐ฌ๐๐.
I donโt know for certain, but I think thatโs when the shame started to set in... which was then passed to me.
โ๐ซ๐๐โ๐ ๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐, ๐๐๐ ๐
๐๐โ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐
๐๐๐!โ
(this one always REALLY confused me ๐คท๐ผโโ๏ธ ๐ฅด)
โ๐ซ๐๐โ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐โ๐๐ ๐จ๐๐๐๐, ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐.โ
โ๐๐๐ ๐
๐๐โ๐ ๐๐๐๐
๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐ท๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐.โ
โ๐ฐโ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐, ๐๐๐ ๐
๐๐โ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ป๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐.โ
I was always so proud of my heritage, and it was so confusing to receiving conflicting messages as a child and be told to deny who I was, especially from the very person that I come from.
I have always been confused about who I am. Iโm too white to be Asian, but my roots and my upbringing make me feel like Iโm too Asian to just be white. I think figuring out my identity and all that comes with it will be a life long battle, but at least now I feel I can talk about it โค๏ธ
My heart is broken after this recent attack where 8 Asian women lost their lives. Since covid, the Asian community has been under attack and itโs a reminder that racism is alive and not only well, itโs thriving. I canโt stop thinking about my grandmother, and her beautiful brown complexion. She is visibly Asian, and could have easily been a victim, just because of the color of her skin.
I have zero tolerance for the xenophobia. The covid jokes, the racism, the hate. I have the privilege of hiding behind my white skin, but so many that I love do not. So Iโm asking you, Iโm begging you...
๐ฆ๐ฎ๐ ๐๐ผ๐บ๐ฒ๐๐ต๐ถ๐ป๐ด. ๐ฆ๐ต๐๐ ๐๐ต๐ฒ ๐ท๐ผ๐ธ๐ฒ๐ ๐ฑ๐ผ๐๐ป ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐ป ๐๐ผ๐ ๐ต๐ฒ๐ฎ๐ฟ ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐บ. ๐ง๐ฒ๐น๐น ๐๐ผ๐๐ฟ ๐ฟ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ถ๐๐ ๐๐ป๐ฐ๐น๐ฒ ๐๐ผ ๐ณ๐๐ฐ๐ธ ๐ผ๐ณ๐ณ. ๐ง๐ฒ๐น๐น ๐๐ต๐ฎ๐ ๐ฝ๐ฒ๐ฟ๐๐ผ๐ป ๐ผ๐ป ๐๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ฒ๐ฏ๐ผ๐ผ๐ธ ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐ถ๐ฟ ๐ฐ๐ผ๐บ๐บ๐ฒ๐ป๐ ๐๐ฎ๐๐ปโ๐ ๐ฐ๐ผ๐ผ๐น. ๐ฆ๐ฝ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ฎ๐ฑ ๐ฎ๐๐ฎ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ป๐ฒ๐๐. ๐๐ผ ๐ฆ๐ข๐ ๐๐ง๐๐๐ก๐! ๐๐ฒ๐ฐ๐ฎ๐๐๐ฒ ๐๐ฒ ๐ป๐ฒ๐ฒ๐ฑ ๐๐ผ ๐ต๐ญ