01/22/2024
HOW MAX WENT FROM DESPERATE VIRGIN TO MOST SUCCESFUL DATING COACH
“MAX , ERGHH YOU ARE MORE LIKE A FRIEND TO ME“
Laura (my former crush) said out loud in front of my schoolmates and everybody burst out laughing…
it was one of the most embarrassing moments of my life…
this was the moment my dating journey started, but let’s back up….
When I was young, my life seemed successful…
My soccer team finished first in the 2nd tier of the German league and we were promoted to the first division.
After our last game, my teammates celebrated our victory huddled up together and joyfully screaming soccer songs.
Externally, I joined in the happiness with my teammates, but internally, my world was falling apart.
I was miserable…
It was supposed to be the most successful day of my life…
But it turned out to be the saddest day of my life. I was a substitute.
That day I realized that despite my success, all this sacrifice, effort, and hard work did not bring me the woman I desired.
And yes, from the outside I looked like a winner.
The harsh truth was: I was only successful in one area ….
my dating life was catastrophic …
I was the epitome of incompetent with women and a hopeless virgin….
I was actually extroverted around my friends BUT whenever I talked to girls I became shy and nervous. I started freezing or stuttering.
I also felt insecure…
I found myself sometimes standing in front of the mirror asking myself: „Why are my eyes so small? Why do I have scars??“, “Why do I look different?” I felt sorry for myself. I was young and felt sad.
I’m mixed-race (half German, half Ghana). I have small eyes & had glasses back then.
One day I recall watching a YouTube video about stereotypes & races.
It said the black race is the second most unattractive and somehow this stuck with me.
Whenever I talked to white German girls, I was hesitant because I felt they didn’t like me because of my race.
These uncertainties and insecurities held me back. I always expected 'no’s from women, and blamed my looks for my lack of success.
Today I know that Dating is a skill. There’s much more to being attractive to women than just your looks.
Most important is understanding what they find attractive, portraying your value, and of course your behavior.
However, insecurities weren’t the only thing that held me back.
I always had excuses and was worried about how others viewed me.
I’d even use my success as a reason to justify my shortcomings.
“At least I’m successful in my soccer career” was my mantra.
I was always trying to downplay how bad I was doing, just to protect my ego and to avoid feeling bad about myself.
I pretended to be cool and said I never compared myself to others, but I constantly did.
I was lonely and trapped.
The pain became intolerable and it wouldn’t stop. I felt exhausted and drained.
My projections about the future didn’t stop.
The thought of dying alone or settling with a girl I didn’t like was exhausting.
The fear of being embarrassed and being rejected was too paralyzing.
However, I still craved having the women I always wanted in my life.
I reached a point where I desperately wanted to do SOMETHING, ANYTHING to escape this pain.
I decided that I finally wanted to take action.
This was our team 15 years ago.
One of the pictures when I started to get rejected in person...
