05/09/2023
Hear, hear!
Autism elitism (based on what your loved one can and cannot do without support) is a scourge on our community. Nobody’s hard is easier than yours.
If autism is a spectrum, it is not a linear thing. It’s something of a bell-curve. We at Apex serve critical cases that fall somewhere between 1-3 standard deviations above and below the mean. We know hard is not relative and “lucky” is non-existant.
You say:
“Her kid can understand more”- he can tell when he’s being rejected and ridiculed but he cannot discern what he is doing wrong.
“His kid is mainstreamed/has a job”- she is struggling every day to maintain the semblance of “normalcy,” stifling stims and sensory overload in a cutthroat and confusing social world she is completely aware of but too often helpless to join.
“He can drive”- his mother has to worry about meltdowns, outbursts and overloads at 70mph.
“She can talk”- she cannot discern a predator from a friend.
“He doesn’t hit/bite/break things”- he is disproportionately likely to turn to substance abuse.
She is disproportionately likely to engage in dangerous and exploitative sexual behaviors.
They are disproportionately likely to attempt/ successfully commit su***de because that same wreckage and chaos occurs inside, unobserved, immeasurable.
Your kid LOOKS different? That’s a blessing, some days. People notice and modify expectations, help more, judge less… well, the ones worth their salt do. Even the crap ones aren’t making attribution errors like “bad kid.”
Trust us, There is hell to bear on both sides.
Stop with the factions. Stop with the judgement and ableism. Stop minimizing eachother.
There is only one team.
