Jason Kiesau Leadership

03/30/2026

SOCIAL STYLE Fun: Parks and Rec

Who are you most like?

Who is your favorite character?

10/25/2024

Hawaii Part One: Work

SOCIAL STYLE & Versatility in Kihei on Maui with a team of 14 who are responsible for all contracts at a large construction company.

Their team leader wanted to support team members in learning more about themselves and each other so they can work and communicate more effectively. She shared that she spends quite a bit of time mediating frustrations and conflicts within her team. They tend to come to her when frustrated, rather than communicating with the team member they are frustrated with.

Given their SOCIAL STYLE dynamics, this makes perfect sense.

They have . . .

* 0 Driving Styles
* 5 Expressive Styles
* 6 Amiable Styles
* 3 Analytical Styles

What does this mean?

When it comes to high level needs, 11 team member's needs tend to be relational (Expressive & Amiable) and three team member's needs tend to be less relational and more information / task oriented (Analytical).

A positive is that the team is highly relational with their behavior and communication and that can go a long way in working well with others. However, their relational nature also makes them more sensitive with how they perceive communication, be it face to face or over an email. The more relational someone tends to be the more they may take things personally when relational needs aren't being met; they don't feel approval, support or connection.

Expressive Styles want partnership and others to share their excitement with their work. If they don't feel partnership or worse, they get unfair criticism, that will cause stress. Amiable Styles want connection and everything to be all good. They want to do a good job, and they want to help others do a good job. When they don't feel connection or if they perceive something is wrong, that will cause stress.

Expressive Styles tend to confront when stressed. Amiable Styles tend to withdraw when stressed.

Now mix in high detail / critical work, pressure to meet deadlines and remote work relationships and they have a recipe for misunderstanding, miscommunication and stress.

Expressive Styles may start competing or verbally attacking each other when stressed. Amiable Styles may misread something and avoid each other when stressed. When there is conflict between an Expressive and Amiable Style, the Expressive will likely overwhelm the Amiable and the Amiable will backdown and give in.

During the session they learned about each other’s tendencies, needs and stressors. A big lesson with SOCIAL STYLE is we should not be surprised when people behave the way they do. We all have a dominant pattern of behavior. If we are willing to have realistic expectations, observe others behavior and try to meet them where they are, most of our challenges will go away.

I'm excited to see how this team evolves in the future.

(Coming Soon - Hawaii Part Two: Fun)

10/17/2024

SOCIAL STYLE & Versatility with 43 auditors in Newport News, Virginia.

This group's # 1 job is to go into organizations assess risks and find mistakes. As you might imagine, some leaders and key stakeholders of the organizations they work with are not always welcoming and receptive when they visit. A key to their success is how they interact and develop relationships with people, even when they aren't very friendly.

One thing we talked about is how we start conversations with other people. Conversation starters can dictate how the rest of the interaction goes. Now, when I say conversation starters I'm not talking about general rapport or exchanging pleasantries.

What I'm talking about is when you are open and willing to observe behavior and get a sense of a person's dominant pattern of behavior (SOCIAL STYLE), this will tell you what their needs, preferences and stressors and you can adapt how you start conversations to align with another person's needs.

Some examples:

If you observe someone is fast-paced and impatient with distractions and delays, this likely means their needs revolve around action and outcomes. Here is a possible conversation starter . . .

"Hey . . . I know have a lot on your plate and you are eager to take action on your projects. I get that and want to support that the best I can, but there a few things we need to look at to unsure you're sent up for success as you're taking action. When can we have a quick chat?"

OR . . . if you observe someone is slower-paced and hesitant to make decisions, this likely means they are risk adverse and want more information and structure. Here is a possible conversation starter . . .

"Hey . . . I know we're moving pretty fast here, you aren't given the time you'd like and you probably feel pressured to make decisions when you're not ready. I understand that would be frustrating. I'm going to do everything I can to support and get you the information you need to make the best decision. I can't promise it will be as thorough as you'd like, but I'm going to try. When can we get together to get on the same page?"

Both types of people perceive different risks. The first example will become frustrated with anything that will slow them down or delay action toward outcomes. They just want to keep things moving forward. The second example wants to make the right decision and that takes time. They will become frustrated when they don't have enough information or worse if they feel pressured to rush their process and make a decision without the right info.

You may not be able to give them what they want, but acknowledging that they want and their needs will go along way. It tells them that you are paying attention and you understand what they are experiencing. That slight show of empathy that you understand can go along way in them feel respected and will prevent issues down the road that comes with people not feeling heard or respected.

There is no substitute for actual conversations and how you start them will determine what happens next. Start smart!

10/02/2024

Disrupt 90

Think about the last time you had miscommunication, discomfort, stress or conflict at home or work with a person or situation.

- How focused were you on your goals?
- How did you behave and communicate toward others?
- How confident were you?
- Did your communication and relationships improve?
- Did the issue get resolved or "swept under the rug"?
- Did you feel better or worse after?

90% of our thought, behavior and communication patterns are automatic. They are the best and worst of our tendencies, habits, biases, needs and stress responses. We do them with little to no active thinking and they drive how we work and communicate with others. Our 90% doesn't care about good communication, healthy relationships, leadership, success or culture; its purpose is immediate relief when we are uncomfortable or stressed. The irony is, our 90% will likely distract us, slow us down, hold us back and make our lives harder.​

Change and growth will only happen when we learn about and disrupt our 90%, play a more active role in our experience and do things different.

If we are not willing to learn about ourselves, own our good, bad and ugly, disrupt our 90% and play a more active role . . . our patterns run the show and outcomes will repeat.

This is as human as it gets.

How do you disrupt your 90?

08/08/2024

Overthinking, Underthinking and Active Thinking

We all underthink in varying capacities and some of us overthink. FYI - overthinking is a variation of underthinking.

We are wired to underthink. This is our 90%; our tendencies, habits, biases and stress responses. It's our brain's way of preserving energy so we have the energy to survive and protect ourselves. The challenge is our underthinking are quick decisions and assumptions based on familiar, but not accurate information. So, sometimes our underthinking serves us well and sometimes it doesn't.

Overthinking is a form of underthinking and though we feel like it's productive because we are paying more attention, what's really happening is we are obsessing about making the right decision because of some fear or worry . . . driven by our 90%, to survive and protect.

The answer to Overthinking and Underthinking is Active Thinking. We need to play a more active role in our experiences.

This means if we tend to do things from an impatient and impulsive nature, we actively think by recognizing the impatience and impulsive desire and we pump the brakes to gather information or consider the impacts on others to make better decisions.

Or, if we can feel ourselves stressed because of perceived pressure to make a decision, we can actively think by recognizing our paralysis by analysis and consciously decide whether what we're obsessing about really needs the energy we are giving it.

Sometimes we just need to make the decision and move on.
But . . . Active Thinking is the answer. And honestly, it's probably the answers to most of our challenges at home, in our communities and in society.

So, play a more active role in your experience with Active Thinking. It will be good for you and everyone who depends on you.

08/07/2024

(LONG POST WARNING - I'm testing something out)

Do you have 15 minutes?

What is your SOCIAL STYLE? What are the SOCIAL STYLEs of your Key Relationships?

I had to create a similar job aid as the one shown below, so I thought I would share it with you.

Click here to download a fillable PDF - https://drive.google.com/file/d/1R7n3KvzSjxMQf_B-u0PZ87kiG7KESvN2/view?usp=sharing

Go through this short exercise this AM and I use it in your interactions this afternoon.

The process is simple.

1. Read over the following information.
2. Answer four questions about yourself.
3. Identify five key relations and answer five questions about them.

The Info:

SOCIAL STYLE is a behavioral model that teaches people how to observe behavior. If we are willing to observe behavior, this will tell us what a person's SOCIAL STYLE is and how to work and communicate with them.

We observe behavior in two ways: Assertiveness and Responsiveness and we measure it on a scale from Ask Assertive to Tell Assertive

People who tend to be more Ask Assertive want information and structure. The observe more than they talk. They want more time to make decisions. They are risk adverse. They ask questions and need reassurance. They want to make the right decision.

People who tend to be Tell Assertive want outcomes and action. They talk more than they observe. They can be quick and impulsive with their actions. They are willing to take risks. They may take action and then ask questions. They want to move things forward and get results.

Do you tend to be more Ask or Tell Assertive?
Do your key relationships tend to be more Ask or Tell Assertive?

The second way we observe behavior is Responsiveness and these are the tendencies to be more reserved with emotions or showing more emotion. We measure on a scale of Controlled to Emoting.

People who tend to be more Controlled show less emotion, are task-oriented, less relational, focused on results, may prioritize tasks over relationships. Will get annoyed by a lot of talking and emotions they perceive as a lack of focus and distracting.

People who tend to be more Emoting show more emotion, are people-oriented, more relational, focused on connecting with others, may prioritize relationships over tasks or may get distracted by relationship dynamics. They may take things personally and feel disrespected if they perceive feel you care about the relationship.

Do you tend to be more Controlled or Emoting?
Do your key relationships tend to be more Controlled or Emoting?

SOCIAL STYLE

- People who tend to be more Tell Assertive and Controlled are a Driving Style
- People who tend to be more Tell Assertive and Emoting are an Expressive Style
- People who tend to be more Ask Assertive and Emoting are an Amiable Style
- People who tend to be more Ask Assertive and Controlled are an Analytical Style

What is your SOCIAL STYLE?
What are the SOCIAL STYLEs of your key relationships?

Each Style has different Needs and Communication Preferences.

Driving Style's Need is Results and they prefer direct and concise communication. They don't want a lot of feelings and words. When their Needs aren't met, they will become impatient and controlling.

Expressive Style's Need is Personal Approval and they want to feel partnership and that you have their back. If they don't feel you have their back, they may assume you are against them. When their Needs aren't met, they will be come defensive and confrontational.

Amiable Style's Need is Personal Security and they want to feel connection with others. If the don't feel connection, they won't trust you. When their Needs aren't met, they won't share their feelings and will agree with things even when they don't agree. When you ask them questions they will lie to avoid disappointing your or risking conflict.

Analytical Style's Need is To Be Right. They want to make good and accurate decisions. They prefer more time and more information to make decisions. When their Needs aren't met, they will become inflexible and disengage. They will avoid or delay making decisions.

The goal of SOCIAL STYLE is to help you be more Versatile with how you work and communicate with others. So, look at your Key Relationships Worksheet, consider the Needs of the people you are working with and make effort to meet their Need. This isn't about being perfect all the time. It's about effort.

How you start a conversation can make all the difference in the world. Start the conversation acknowledging their Need and see how that goes.

For example, I tend to be more Expressive. When I work with Dr. Mulqueen on our team who tends to be Analytical I tend to start conversations off like this:

"Hey Casey, thanks for your time. I have an ideal that I'm excited about, but want to get your input. It's likely not to the level of detail you're going to want, but I'm hoping you'll help me fill in the gaps. Can we schedule time next week? In the meantime, I will send you the information I have."

Younger Jason may have overwhelmed an Analytical Style with excitement and passion and got frustrated when they didn't show the same excitement and/or support. By acknowledging others' Needs, we start interactions more productive and as a result we get more done together.

If you've made it this far and went through the exercise, feel free to share you insights below.

07/22/2024

How big is your bucket?

The bigger the bucket the more positive and negative emotions you feel, manage and show. The bigger the bucket, the higher the highs and the lower the lows.

-- People with smaller buckets manage and show less emotion.
-- People with bigger buckets manage and show more emotion.

We all have a bucket. Again, how big is yours?

My bucket is probably a somewhere between the orange and blue buckets below.

The bigger your bucket, the more relational your needs are. Meaning approval, emotional support and connection is what fills your bucket. When your bucket is mostly full, you feel good. When your bucket is low or empty you feel stressed and insecure.

If your bucket is smaller, you likely get overwhelmed when people with big buckets pour into your bucket. They have a lot to pour and you have limited capacity. You get stressed and feel they lack stability and focus and and they take it personally that you appear to be rejecting what they are giving.

If your bucket is bigger, you may not even notice when someone with a smaller bucket pours into your bucket or you don't think it's enough, or they aren't trying, they don't care or it's personal against you. It's probably none of those things, their bucket is smaller and they only have so much to give.

The irony is, people with the biggest buckets, with the most relational needs often have the greatest conflict with others and may even assume the position not liking people. The reality is, their bucket is bigger, their relational needs aren't being met and they are hurting.

We need to learn about our buckets and the more we learn about and understand others' buckets the stronger our relationships can be.

Why?

1. We can have realistic expectations for ourselves and others. We can stop wondering why this and why that and beating ourselves and others up because we don't understand us or them. That is freedom.

2. We will know that some people have smaller buckets and others have bigger buckets and even if we can't perfectly meet their needs, we can acknowledge them and try. People will feel acknowledged and respected.

3. People will be healthier. When we understand our buckets and we understand others, we will have less confusion, misunderstanding and conflict. It doesn't mean things will be perfect, but needs will be met more often and there will be less stress and insecurity.

It is my observation that most of the conflict we have is because we don't understand behavior, needs and stress. We don't understand ours and we don't understand others. When you begin to try to understand these things, the game changes.

07/13/2024

What is your "Self-Actualization Score"?

There are 32 possible points.

For one of my grad classes, I am considering a project where I propose an "innovation" or a "reimagine" of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, for a few reasons:

1. So it's easier to understand
2. It's more applicable to everyday life
3. It's more useful from a measurement and applicability perspective

Below is my rough draft "reimagine."

1. You start bottom up from Physiological Needs to Self-Actualization

2. If you are experiencing extreme thirst, hunger or sleep deprivation your body will demand those needs be met and you won't have the ability to care about or focus on anything else.

3. If your Physiological Needs are reasonably met, but your Physical Safety Needs are not met, that will demand your attention and you won't care about or have the ability to focus on anything else.

4. Assuming your Physiological and Physical Safety Needs are reasonably met, you move into your Psychological Safety needs in eight key areas of life.

5. When your Psychological Safety Needs are not met, and you will experience stress and insecurity, that will demand your mental and emotional attention, it will motivate your thoughts, behaviors and communication and distract you from everything you want to and need to do. You're in self-protection mode and anything you do may provide short term comfort, but may make your life harder in the long run.

6. The more your Psychological Safety Needs are met, the more secure and confident you'll feel and you'll be able to give attention to and focus on things that bring you joy, meaning and purpose.

7, What does it look like to be free of unhealthy stress and insecurity? Note: there is a difference between good stress or purpose and bad, unhealthy stress

The purpose of the rough draft below is it provides a one page mechanism to evaluate and measure your Psychological Safety Needs in key areas of life, exposing potential imbalances and root issues that may need more attention.

This isn't about being perfect. It's about being aware and healthy.

Feel free to download the PDF of the image below. Here is the link:

https://98b81eb4-d9f4-4310-9af0-0ece1c872594.usrfiles.com/ugd/98b81e_0af1534267a04f69b5117a12fbc6e2ce.pdf

All feedback is welcome.

07/11/2024

Developing Career Resilience and Adaptability

- Manage positive and negative career shocks

- Use psychological strategies to develop resilience and adaptability

• Managing Distracting Emotions
• Nurturing a Growth Mindset
• Balancing and Rebalancing Career Goals

- Use behavioral strategies to develop resilience and adaptability

• Developing an Effective Relationship with Your Boss
• Take Advantage of Development Opportunities
• Developing an Effective Career Network

- Commit to one strategy. Your focus on one area will naturally strengthen other areas at the same time.

Reference:

Seibert, S. E., Kraimer, M. L., & Heslin, P. A. (2016). Developing career resilience and adaptability. Organizational Dynamics, 45(3), 245-257. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.orgdyn.2016

A 30 minute summary of a peer reviewed article titled "Developing Career Resilience and Adaptability" by Scott E. Seibert, Maria L. Kraimer and Peter A. Hesl...

06/25/2024

We all have a "circle of control." There are things within our circle and many things outside our circle.

Much easier said than done, but focusing on what we can control and minimizing attention and energy with things we cannot is freedom.

An exercise I've done with clients . . .

Step one: Make a list of everything that's on your mind. What are you thinking about? What are you excited about? What are you worried about? What is causing your stress?

Step Two: Draw a circle in the center of a sheet of paper. Go through your list and place each "item" IN the circle if it is something within your control or OUT of the circle if it is out of your control.

What does your circle look like?

This can help with organizing thoughts, prioritization of tasks, managing and reducing stress and reminding yourself of what's important.

Remember, we are wired to be stressed. We are wired to "freak out" when we don't feel in control. Going through this exercise will help disrupt the stress response, slow down and play a more active and productive role in our experience; giving us more control over the things that matter.

06/12/2024

Webinar Last Call

Are you a people person?

Today at 10AM CST I am facilitating a webinar we've called "The Problem with People-People".

Yes, it's a provocative title, but there are some things we need to talk about. I am a people person . . . people-people are my people.

While we ride this wave of relationship building and connecting with others, there is an undercurrent of "stuff" we're not taught and unaware of that will pull us under and at minimum slow us down or worse, sabotage everything we are trying to do.

My goal with this webinar is to support people-people in maximizing their strengths and managing the weaknesses that could damage their relationships and sabotage their success.

It's not to late too register. Click below to do so!

Now, before you send me a message in defense of people-people, I need to let you know that I too am a people-person. This is Jason Kiesau with TRACOM Group and I’ll be your facilitator for this webinar. People-people are my people and though we bring a lot of great qualities to the workplace, we h...