10/15/2026
GRIEF & LOSS: WHAT WE’RE REALLY HOLDING ONTO
As a former social worker, I’ve seen grief affect much more than someone’s emotions.
It can change routines. Motivation. Decision-making. The ability to keep up with everyday tasks.
And sometimes, it changes our relationship with our belongings.
A closet full of clothes may no longer feel like clothes. A coffee mug isn’t just a mug. A garage full of tools, a stack of birthday cards, or even something seemingly insignificant can feel connected to the person, relationship or life that was lost.
A few things worth remembering:
1. There is no expiration date on someone else’s grief.
Being ready to let go of belongings isn’t determined by how much time has passed.
2. Keeping something can feel like keeping a connection.
We may know intellectually that the person isn’t in the object. Emotionally, it may not feel that simple.
3. Grief can make ordinary decisions exhausting.
When every object carries a memory, sorting one closet can become hundreds of emotional decisions.
4. Don’t start with, “You don’t need all this stuff.”
Need may have very little to do with it. First understand what those belongings represent.
5. Helping doesn’t have to mean clearing things out.
Sometimes the most useful help is handling dishes, laundry, paperwork or meals while the deeply personal belongings wait.
6. Be careful with deadlines.
Sometimes there are practical reasons things must be handled quickly. When there aren’t, urgency can create unnecessary pressure.
7. Letting go of an object is not letting go of the person.
But someone may need to arrive at that realization in their own time.
8. Keeping everything isn’t the only way to remember.
Eventually, someone may choose a few meaningful things, pass belongings to family, take photographs, use something that had been tucked away, or find another way to carry the memory forward.
A home after loss can hold an enormous amount of history.
Before asking what someone is ready to get rid of, ask what they’re trying to hold onto.
Sometimes understanding that answer is where letting go begins.
