ABCs of Attraction

06/18/2026

The alpha male framework was constructed on a white male template and exported as universal truth applicable to all men regardless of race, culture, or social starting point.

It does not account for external racism. It does not account for the internalized self-doubt that develops over years of cultural messaging that tells Asian men they are less desirable. It does not account for the fact that the baseline assumption about your desirability starts lower than the baseline assumption built into the advice.

Mainstream dating advice tells you to be confident without explaining how to build confidence when every cultural signal you received growing up told you to be invisible, academic, and professionally focused at the expense of social development.

You cannot apply a default playbook to a non-default experience. The advice was not built for you. Which means the system needs to be different.

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06/17/2026

Captain Dan and I were having lunch when an elderly couple walked in.

The husband was helping his disabled wife get her food. She waited at the table. He came back and sat down next to her.

Dan teared up watching them.

As dating coaches, we spend most of our time teaching men how to approach, attract, and connect with women. But most of the men who come to us aren't looking to be players.

They're looking for her. The one they'll still be getting food for decades from now. Someone that they can grow old together.

06/16/2026

A Federal History of Asian Male Desexualization

Most Americans have never heard of the four federal laws written specifically to stop Asian men from dating white women.

The Page Act of 1875. The Chinese Exclusion Act of 1882. The Cable Act of 1922. The Tydings-McDuffie Act of 1934.

One of the four congressmen who wrote these laws was later destroyed by Senator Joseph McCarthy in 1950. The country he helped build came for him eventually.

And every dating app in 2026 that codes Asian men as undesirable is downstream of these laws still doing their job today.

What did your history class skip?

06/15/2026

Descended onto a Kpop party in Bratislava and there were some SERIOUS European baddies there.

Real 7s and 8s, generally more dolled up, attractive and slimmer than their U.S. counterparts. Room was about 60-75% women, majority attractive women outnumbered the men.

Two underground stories, could smoke inside, venue was pretty ideal.

Three types of guys at the venue:

Type 1: Shy Asian dudes in sh*tty fits and bowl cuts from highschool. Looked like they came straight from coding class. Stood by the wall and didn’t talk to anyone.

Type 2: Kpopmaxxed Asian guys. Two block haircuts, white shirts and black leather jackets. Taller with higher SMV than Type 1. They were generally waiting around until a white girl would APPROACH THEM and then they become more aggressive and assertive enough to make something happen. Even saw a couple of the Asian brothers making out with girls in dark corners. Not too many, but the AMWF hookups were definitely happening.

Type 3: European white guys. Outnumbered the Asians. Showed up because the math was obvious. A few of them were doing approaches, chatting girls up, and then grinding on them on the dancefloor.

And as I’ve seen on two continents. I was still the ONLY Asian man approaching anyone. Entire place had a weird energy where the men seemed to expect women to choose them.

Here it did seem that there were more Asian guys and a lot more of them were putting in some effort, at least in their appearance. But they were still passive (until a girl approached them) and outnumbered by European guys who I saw do a few approaches at least.

Don't be Type 1. If you’re going to glow up and Kpopmaxx, might as well find your city's Kpop Club Night and approach.

06/15/2026

Snuck into another LA Kpop party last night. Different venue. Same FU***NG pattern. Twice as many women then men and 90% of the men were non-Asian.

I was also coaching so I brought a student to demonstrate approaches. I saw two cute 7s by the dance floor with their greedy little paws clutching event posters.

I walked up:

"You guys stole all the event posters huh?"

Both LIT up. I ran 90 seconds of playful banter and teasing them when I pulled in my student. I introduced him to them saying this was his first Kpop party, what groups would they recommend. Let him talk to the other girl and he was able to double Insta-closed before I pulled him out to debrief.

The two of us were literally the ONLY Asian man approaching anyone in the room. 90% of the men were non-Asian. All low-effort streetwear. Maybe five other Asian men in the whole venue. One was actually Kpopmaxxing. The rest looked like Chinese uncle wear or college casual. None of them approached.

The competition isn't competing. ANY Asian man who shows up, dresses for the venue and approaches can do well.

Find your city's Kpop Club Night and go. Stop letting Asian guys lose to mid looking street dudes.

06/12/2026

Crashed a Kpop party in LA last year. Stray Kids album drop. Gender ratio was 10 girls for every 1 guy. Which is honestly nuts.

Event PACKED with women who love Korean culture. 40% Asian, the other 60% Black, white, and Hispanic.

Admittedly, attractiveness was a flat distribution. Majority unattractive, some average, but a few real LA-hot girls in the mix too.

Weirdest part: the Asian guys were SEVERELY outnumbered by Hispanic and Black men. Even white men outnumbered us.

The other races showed up to pick up Kpop girls. Apparently Asian guys forgot to get the memo.

The "competition" of men was Low T and poorly dressed in monochrome. The non-Asian guys who did okay only did okay because they outnumbered the Asian men in the room.

I was getting checked out across the floor. Any Asian guy who could approach with intent had his pick of women he could go home with that night. If he had shown up.

This is easy mode. There is no bar.

Take advantage of it, boys. Find your city's Kpop Club Nights and go.

Where's your closest Kpop spot?

06/11/2026

The number one stereotype women have of Asian men is not the one you are thinking of.

It is not physical. It is this: Asian men only date Asian women.

54% of American born Asian women outmarry, almost always with white men. Asian men are the least likely to date outside their ethnicity.

The assumption of unavailability has become so ingrained that most women never consider the option.

The barrier is not attraction. It is assumption. Challenge it and everything changes.

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https://www.abcsofattraction.com/academy/special/

06/11/2026

Two weeks. Two countries. 13 Asian men experienced sexual or romantic outcomes in Latin America. Writing this as I wait for my flight home.

750+ matches across the group. One student had his first sexual experience and already signed up for next year. One bought a promise ring for the woman he’s going home to commit to. One came on the tour fresh out of divorce and figured out who he is now. One discovered that being foreign-born Asian isn’t a disadvantage, it’s something women actually chase. Another broke his closing record while consistently dating women he previously thought were out of his league.

This is what happens when Asian men step out of the environment that’s been telling them they’re not tall enough, not white enough, not American enough. The dating market in Latin America doesn’t care about your passport. It responds to who you actually are when the cultural noise gets stripped away.

EuroTour 2026 starts October 21. Two weeks of inner game work that goes deeper than anything we run in Latin America. Warsaw and Prague. Different cities, different women, different program.

If you’ve been watching from the sidelines wondering if this is for you, the roster fills fast and EuroTour caps at 9 students.

The VIP EuroTour Program is the #1 Inner Game Experiential Event for Asian Men in The World. Learn how to get rid of your internalized racism and act as a man full of confidence by exploring the beautiful women of Europe.

06/09/2026

Chang has straight As, a great job, and zero dates. Brad has no job, skips leg day, and somehow always goes home with someone.

Chang is not losing because he is less attractive. He is losing because he never learned to codeswitch.

Codeswitching is the ability to read a social environment and match its energy, its humor, its body language, and its pace. It is social fluency. Brad absorbed it from his peer group growing up without ever knowing he was learning anything. It became automatic.

Chang was in academic environments that rewarded analysis and precision. The social fluency that Brad built unconsciously was never modeled for him and never rewarded in the environments he occupied.

The gap between them is not intelligence or attraction. It is a learnable skill set that Chang never had access to.

That is exactly what we build.

Try the Academy free for 30 days:
https://www.abcsofattraction.com/academy/special

06/04/2026

Men pick dating app photos like highlight reels. Women read them like detectives.

When a man looks at a woman's photo his eyes go straight to her. Face, body, specific features. Object first, context never.

Women do the opposite. She takes in the entire picture before she looks at you. The background. The lighting. The clutter on the bathroom counter. The friends who got cropped. The car that is not yours. She is not just looking at you. She is reading your life.

The shirtless bathroom selfie is the classic disaster. Decent body, good abs, the guy thinks he is posting his best photo. What she actually sees: cheap lighting, cluttered counter, broke college kid with four roommates and nothing going on.

Same guy on a beach at golden hour with a yoga mat. Same body. Different story. Now she sees a man who is fit, intentional, financially stable, has an interesting life. Maybe he travels. Maybe he is spiritual. Maybe he just has his life together.

Nothing changed except the story the photo told about him.

This is the male gaze versus female gaze problem. He shows the highlight. She investigates the context.

For the men reading this who recognize themselves in that pattern, the work is not finding women who would be impressed by your current photos. The work is taking different photos that tell a different story about your life.

Men who get matches do not pick photos that make them look impressive. They pick photos that survive investigation.

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