02/21/2021
THE TRUTH ABOUT VALIDATION
Do you have a hard time taking a compliment? 😲
It's possible that you did not receive enough authentic validation during adolescence.
When core aspects of ourselves are not seen and validated as either positive or understandable, our basic human needs of love, safety and belonging are threatened. 😟
We quickly adopt strategies to suppress, hide, or deny those parts of ourselves, in an attempt to maintain our sense of safety and security, and in order to better fit in with the tribe. 🧑🤝🧑🧑🤝🧑
However, if we were to then receive validation for the new, updated behavior, that was not a true reflection of how we truly feel inside, our subconscious mind would not be able to accept it. 🙈🙉
In fact, instead it has the opposite effect.
A study published in 2015 by the Association for Psychological Science reported, "A disconnect between one's expression and internal states can be psychologically costly, producing palpable discomfort, dissonance, and exhaustion" (Gino, Kouchaki & Galinski, 2015)
Instead of feeling good, inauthentic validation diminishes self-worth, lowers self-esteem, increases anxiety, frustration and depression, and increases feelings of loneliness and isolation. 😔
Over time,, this identity and diminished sense of self-worth become stable personality traits, and no matter how genuine or deserved a few kind words may be, until the dissonance occurring between one's identity and behavior is resolved,, the subconscious mind cannot receive them, which manifests on a behavioral level as an inability to take a compliment.
