06/17/2022
This is a Prayer Group repost by me: So today is the extended deadline for sending my Speaker Proposal to the MCA (Minnesota Corrections Association). As a person in long-term sobriety, sober over twice the time I spent in prison, I believe I have a story of hope for those who work with incarcerated persons. Some people change, but how does that happen?
In my first recovery meeting on 8/19/90, I heard a few things with new ears. Why was I listening differently? Because I was humble by alcohol. I got honest and admitted I was powerless over everything worthwhile while drinking. Having an unmanageable life was exciting, but being vulnerable (powerless) is not something I would admit to myself and, therefore, to anyone else. That simple clarifying moment opened the door to the belief that God could restore me to my original condition (short explanation: the stuff that I drank over) and return me to sanity. I came to believe that a power greater than 'my'-self could restore me to sanity. Because of that moment of clarity/faith, although I already believed in God, I got out of my own way, turned my will and my life over to the care of God, and listened as humbly as possible. I decided at 3:30 A.M. on 8/19 that I was willing to do whatever God wanted me to do, and going to any lengths for me meant a lot of things. Go(d)ing to recovery meetings, and church, be honest with my P.O., listen to others, and follow directions.
In my first recovery meeting, someone old lady took a huge hit off of her cigarette and looked at me after I talked (I said very little, but I choked out the words, "I'm Timothy, and I'm an Alcoholic") and she said, "Boy, you need to do a 90 & 90." I had no clue what that meant, and I wondered why this old bag was talking to me. Then I remembered to be willing and asked her what that meant. She responded that it meant going to 90 meetings in 90 days. She also pointed out it's like going to treatment, except it's free.
So I embarked on 90 & 90 after checking my world tour schedule and realizing I wasn't booked, and so it began. What I also heard in that first meeting was Slogans, Look for the Good, One Day At A Time, This Too Shall Pass, But for the Grace of God, there go I, Let Go Let God and more. I pretty much hated the Slogans, as they seemed like a bunch of brainless lunacies promulgated from a cultish bunch of dimwit-icism...but I also realized that my best thinking got me into prison and jail a bunch of times, so maybe I should just shut up and follow directions. These people were not in jail or a psych ward, and some seemed amazingly happy and grateful.
"This Too Shall Pass" is the Slogan I desperately clung to for 18 months. It took 18 months for my basic sanity to return enough not to be a mess of emotional mountain tops and dismal valleys. I leveled out enough emotionally to land employment.
Most ex-cons that recidivate do so because they have long since forgotten who and what they are. Many are wallowing in condescension, blaming others for their problems, and unable to filter their thinking to eliminate Stinking Thinking. I went to 1 - 3 meetings a day for those 18 months. I became a fixture around the Stillwater Alano, cleaning up coffee spills and cleaning up p*e in the bathrooms, which honestly was not fun, but I made myself grateful to do it; I made coffee and did anything I was asked to do if I could.
The cool thing is that no one wanted anything from me other than have a happy & joyous life. Their motives were altruistic, and I saw what I perceived to be true Christlike behavior in those rooms. You bet, I needed my brain washed, but went in prayerfully and started serving others in January of 91 by speaking for MADD.
The Slogan, LOOK FOR THE GOOD is what I want my MCA sp*ech to be about if they accept my Speaker Proposal. The deadline for that proposal is today. Please pray for my proposal to be blessed. My low self-esteem is cropping up and I'm making it about me, so I pray my heart and mind be filled with God's Will and the power to carry it out.
