07/23/2026
It’s easy to give ourselves more grace than we give others.
When we’re short with someone, we know we’re tired.
When we miss something, we know how much we’re carrying.
When we withdraw, we know we’re trying to regroup.
But when someone else does those things, we can be quick to make assumptions about their attitude, commitment, or character.
It’s called the fundamental attribution error - we explain our own behavior by our circumstances while attributing someone else’s behavior to who they are.
I saw this play out at a client session recently.
Someone had described a coworker as fake - positive and engaged in the morning, but short and irritable by the afternoon.
Then she learned more of the story.
The coworker knew this was something she struggled with. A day filled with clients and constant interaction required energy she wasn't naturally wired for. By the afternoon, it was often showing.
She wasn’t pretending in the morning. She was just struggling to sustain the same positive energy all day.
I can relate. I’m wired to refuel alone. After days filled with meetings, conversations, and people, I can feel myself running low - and I’m sure others can see it, too. Spending time alone on my deck one of my favorite ways to refuel.
The context didn’t excuse the coworker’s behavior or erase its impact. But it changed how the behavior was understood.
It created room for grace.
Grace and accountability can exist together.
And here’s the flip side - you might be misunderstood right now too.
What story might someone be telling about you without knowing your context?
Are you giving others the same grace you would want them to give you?