Ask Amel, Philadelphia, PA (2026)

08/04/2021

Maybe you need this today. . . ?

There is no better mother for your baby - than you.

No matter how challenging the day or the circumstances may be.
No matter what parenting mistakes or fails or you think you've made.
No matter if your kid is literally making your blood boil right now.

They still love you unconditionally.

So I encourage you to hug your kids.

As a parent, encourage them to express how they are feeling.

Give them space.

Do your best impression of "woosa" from Anger Management when they get out of line.

Continue to hold firm in the loving boundaries you've established.

And last but not least -

Remind them of how magical they are.

We've spent quite some time in the ER and numerous Dr.'s appointments over the last few months. We found out that both of my boys suffer from migraines and the experience has really forced me to slow down.

It's required me to be a boss advocate for their care while also teaching them how to communicate their needs.

Thankfully, both of them are still enjoying their summers and managing their conditions well.

What's going on in motherhood for you today?

07/23/2021

Quick, what were you just thinking about before you saw this post?

Do you remember?

On average, your brain has close to 50 different thoughts per minute. Every thought you have is triggered by something.

💭 Every thought you have is triggered by something you saw, read, heard, touched, or tasted.

In a way, these thoughts feel like they are completely involuntary. Most of the time they just come and go so quickly that you really may not be able to remember what you were literally just thinking. 😂

Even though it may seem like there is no control over the 70,000 thoughts you may have in a day - they came from somewhere and you CAN absolutely decide what you WANT to think.

Think "My dad thought that those who worked in a factory. . . (yadda yadda yadda)" and without any further knowledge or experience about that specific thing, it's very easy for that thought to be inherited as your own.

Maybe while you were grocery shopping you overheard a mother scolding or trying to discipline their child. . . Depending on what you heard, your experience being disciplined growing up, and(or) your own parenting style - you are probably going to have some thoughts.

Unfortunately, systemic racism plays a significant role in how we view each other. Specifically in what we think about one another. The good news is that I personally think there is hope for change which is also why I love doing what I do.

Because at the end of the day, I want our kids to feel loved, heard, and valued.
I want them to know that they are just as amazing as anyone else.
I want parents to be ok with their kids looking vulnerable sometimes and knowing that it's ok.

And I think that by supporting our kids with these thoughts, they will eventually be able to just be kids without the fear of someone imposing some stringent laws or expectations on them.

Being hopeful and having an open mind can change the world for the better.

Check out the link in the bio for the different ways you can find support as you trudge through the trenches of parenthood as a person of color.

☮️ & 🖤 - Kim

07/20/2021

Do you know the definition of the word "opportunity"?

It means "a set of circumstances that makes it possible to do something."

How about the definition of "potential"?

It means "latent qualities or abilities that may be developed and lead to future success or usefulness."

Your babies are beautiful and amazing in every. single. way.

Sometimes the obstacles that they may face can make it feel like there are few opportunities available.

But I'm here to tell you -
that beating heart inside their chest (and yours) IS the circumstance that makes it possible to do something and their own unique qualities and abilities will lead to future success.

They will grow to do amazing things.

And building your village, embracing and engaging with your community, and leaning on support, makes a world a of difference as you help guide them through difficult situations and obstacles.

We stand together.

So tell me, as a parent, what are you struggling with right now and where could you use some support?

07/15/2021

To my fellow parents (and superheros) of color, I want you to know. . .

One day. . .

People will love your children for exactly who they are.

They will see their undeniable, courageous, and equal worth as human beings.

They will love them for what they create and for their impact on the world.

One day. . . the love that your children will recieve will go beyond the color of their skin, their hair, their style, and their personality. . .

And one day. . . the fears that we feel for our children will change.

One day, when we watch our children go out into the world on their own, we will worry about things like whether or not that guy or girl is a good match for our kid.
Or whether or not their job is pushing them forward or holding them back from their potential.
Or whether or not they are saving their money they way they should be.

One day. . . we will teach our kids to be respectful of the police BECAUSE they are PROTECTING and helping them.

We won't need to teach our kids to turn on their camera and live stream for the sake of their safety.

One day. . . our children will be able to remind people of social norms without fear of others passing judgement or retaliating aganist them because of their bodies or their entities.

I don't know when it will happen, but it will be

One day. . .

As you go about your day I hope you can feel the comfort of the biggest virtual hug through this message. You are not alone.

Save this post and come back to it whenever you are in need of some hope for the future.

07/15/2021

To my fellow parents (and superheros) of color, I want you to know. . .

One day. . .

People will love your children for exactly who they are.

They will see their undeniable, courageous, and equal worth as human beings.

They will love them for what they create and for their impact on the world.

One day. . . the love that your children will recieve will go beyond the color of their skin, their hair, their style, and their personality. . .

And one day. . . the fears that we feel for our children will change.

One day, when we watch our children go out into the world on their own, we will worry about things like whether or not that guy or girl is a good match for our kid.
Or whether or not their job is pushing them forward or holding them back from their potential.
Or whether or not they are saving their money they way they should be.

One day. . . we will teach our kids to be respectful of the police BECAUSE they are PROTECTING and helping them.

We won't need to teach our kids to turn on their camera and live stream for the sake of their safety.

One day. . . our children will be able to remind people of social norms without fear of others passing judgement or retaliating aganist them because of their bodies or their entities.

I don't know when it will happen, but it will be

One day. . .

As you go about your day I hope you can feel the comfort of the biggest virtual hug through this message. You are not alone.

Save this post and come back to it whenever you are in need of some hope for the future.

07/13/2021

I think when most people think of traditions, they immediately think of the holidays.

But as we are officially getting into the full swing of summer activities, I'm reminded of how there are traditions that are alive and well throughout the entire year.

Game nights
Cookouts
Sunday dinners
Annual camping trips (I'm more of a glamping girl) 🎣
Family vacations ⛱
Even the Friday night pizza with the kids sports league 🍕

Most small traditions can be traced back to a specific person. That one aunt, uncle, cousin, sister, friend, etc. that came up with the idea to start doing whatever the thing is, and it caught on long enough to be established into the tradition that it is today.

But sometimes those traditions only happen because of that one person. When that person is no longer with us, figuring out what happens with that tradition can sometimes be left with a big question mark.

Should someone else take on the responsibility of honoring the tradition of their loved one?

Is it a dishonor to the remembrance of a loved one? Will it feel weird or forced? Who can be trusted with food? (I kid, but this is serious. There are some highly suspect mac and cheese and potato salad recipes out here.)

Who's to say really, but it is possible for your kids to have worries and concerns about the change. They may feel like the memory of their loved one could be forgotten along with the tradition.

No matter what decision is made about how life is going to move forward in the future, it's important to address the concerns of your little one.

It's time to get real. Feel your feelings. Be honest that some things may change and how sad you are about that too. Maybe you won't stop by Uncle Jay's house anymore. Or maybe you all will host game nights. Perhaps you can finally try that new recipe and make it together.

The more compassion and care you show for yourself, the more your kiddos will feel safe to feel all of their feelings. You may not know what they are feeling, but I promise if you make room they will let you know.

What are some summer traditions that you are may be missing or that may be changing this year because of the loss of a loved one?

06/07/2021

Kids love routines.

Honestly, as parents, we love a good, solid daily routine too!

There is such a sense of comfort in the predictability of a routine. We like knowing what to expect. Routines train our brain to recognize the familiarity of what we are doing and then it knows that we are protected and safe. ✔️

There's no danger here.

Our bodies and our senses adapt to our interactions and our environments. So when things change for our kids, they could really get thrown for a loop.

A friend of mine has two little ones and once a week, usually every Friday, Grandma takes the kids for the whole day.

Usually, the whole day is completely planned with all kinds of fun activities or adventures. The kids love it and they adore her. 🤿🎨🎳🎪

This has been an established routine that will be hard to adjust from when things change.

Just like for us, change is hard for kids to deal with. And also like us, kids may worry and have anxiety about the new changes in their lives.

If a routine situation changes because of a loved one passing, your kids may not fully comprehend what it means exactly. All they may realize is that something they used to do or someone they used to spend time with, isn't happening anymore.

It can be easy to feel like we should try to come up with a way to distract our kids from what they are now missing, but by being open and honest and letting them know the reality of the situation, allows them to process the situation in whatever way they need to.

Maybe it means allowing them to be sad and for them to wish that things were different.
Maybe it means still incorporating some of the things they used to do with the person they lost.

If your family is going through a difficult time of a loss right now, and it seems like your child is struggling and you feel a little lost in trying to help them through their grief, there are resources available to help.

My 1:1 coaching program is designed specifically to help parents, help their children, navigate loss.

If you are interested in learning more, message me!

06/04/2021

My husband and I couldn't be more opposite in how we navigate our emotions.

Whether it's feeling sad, lonely, or lost; or frustrated and angry - it doesn't matter. When I'm going through something, I want to talk.

I need to talk.

The more I can talk and reflect on how I'm feeling and release all the thoughts that surround those feelings, the lighter and more at peace I feel.

Now my husband would rather not talk at all. The best way he is able to cope is usually by some kind of physical activity, distraction, or be simply being alone in solitude. 🧎‍♂️

Neither way is wrong but sometimes, when I know there is a problem, I have a tendency to push my husband to open up and talk because I feel like that way of coping works the best, but all it does is irritate him.

Everyone deals with their emotions differently, especially in the specific way we grieve.

There is no one size fits all for how someone should grieve.
There's no one right way and there's no one wrong way.

But if we try to force our kids to grieve in the best way we know how, we could end up putting a difficult and unnecessary strain on our relationship.

It can be easier said than done, but if your child is dealing with a loss right now, try to approach the subject from outside of your own perspective and be open to letting them take the lead.

If you aren't sure of the best way to go about this, one simple step you can take is to just acknowledge that they are grieving, be silent, wait, and listen. 👂

Doing this truly helps to break down any walls that could be preventing the ability to understand where one another is coming from.

Drop a 👋 if you sometimes "try to help" and it ends up not being very helpful.

06/03/2021

I think when most people think of traditions, they immediately think of the holidays.

But as we are officially getting into the full swing of summer activities, I'm reminded of how there are traditions that are alive and well throughout the entire year.

Game nights
Cookouts
Sunday dinners
Annual camping trips (I'm more of a glamping girl) 🎣
Family vacations ⛱
Even the Friday night pizza with the kids sports league 🍕

Most small traditions can be traced back to a specific person. That one aunt, uncle, cousin, sister, friend, etc. that came up with the idea to start doing whatever the thing is, and it caught on long enough to be established into the tradition that it is today.

But sometimes those traditions only happen because of that one person. When that person is no longer with us, figuring out what happens with that tradition can sometimes be left with a big question mark.

Should someone else take on the responsibility of honoring the tradition of their loved one?

Is it a dishonor to the remembrance of a loved one? Will it feel weird or forced? Who can be trusted with food? (I kid, but this is serious. There are some highly suspect mac and cheese and potato salad recipes out here.)

Who's to say really, but it is possible for your kids to have worries and concerns about the change. They may feel like the memory of their loved one could be forgotten along with the tradition.

No matter what decision is made about how life is going to move forward in the future, it's important to address the concerns of your little one.

It's time to get real. Feel your feelings. Be honest that some things may change and how sad you are about that too. Maybe you won't stop by Uncle Jay's house anymore. Or maybe you all will host game nights. Perhaps you can finally try that new recipe and make it together.

The more compassion and care you show for yourself, the more your kiddos will feel safe to feel all of their feelings. You may not know what they are feeling, but I promise if you make room they will let you know.

What are some summer traditions that you are may be missing or that may be changing this year because of the loss of a loved one?

06/02/2021

Life really isn't fair sometimes.

When you lose someone who has had such a monumental impact on your life, it just plain sucks.

It's hard to deal with and the emotional strain of overwhelming grief is worse when it comes from a sudden or unexpected loss.

And then through it all, we look at our little ones and we can see the pain and suffering in their sweet little eyes and it makes us want to go into protection mode. 💪💪

You may feel this desire to put on a brave face and be strong for the sake of your kids. Because the last thing you want is for your tears to bring them more sadness.

It's completely understandable but this protection mode could be encouraging a behavior to suppress their emotions, so that they can be strong, just like mama. But denying the need to feel the emotions can make it harder to cope with loss and the need to express those feelings could come out in other behaviors that may be harder to manage. 🙇‍♀️

Sometimes the biggest strength comes from letting your kids relate to your feelings and by showing them that they aren't alone in their emotions. 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦

Powerful support comes from being a shoulder to cry - and for that shoulder to feel perfectly safe and accepting.

Have your kids ever seen you cry?
How did they react and how did it make you feel?

06/01/2021

"That's how my mom did it." I can't tell you how many times I've said that to myself. Just last week I was wheezing and coughing trying to recreate her gardens. Not a good look and I was miserable.

I was grieving her and believed being like her was the best way to cope. I wanted to feel happy and be a good mom. Instead, I was miserable itching, and annoyed with my kids. Definitely not my plan.

Our foundation comes from childhood memories. So we are bound to bring a bit of old school into our homes and child-rearing. Especially when our teachers have passed on.

Things like recipes, traditions, nursery rhymes, how you clean, down to how you grieve are all learned. Given this past year, we may need to refresh how we help our grieving kids.

Helping your kids cope after a major loss can be overwhelming and terrifying. You swoop in and respond the way adults around you always have, for better or for worse. Or, you freeze because you intuitively know that your kneejerk response isn't ideal. No one has taught you an alternative.

Grief can an elephant in the room. We do anything to make the situation feel better. To feel lighter. To distract from the emotions.

It's uncomfortable, awkward, and it doesn't feel good. Some refuse to acknowledge it at all. It's how you may have learned to deal with grief. Everyone copes in different ways, including kids. They may need something different.

Be open to talking about grief and showing vulnerability to your children. It normalizes showing emotions and shows that you can handle hearing about them. If it helps your child to talk about their grief, listen. And really listen without plans to fix things.

Respect if they don't want to talk about it, avoid forcing the issue. They will talk when they are ready. If that's too much, give them space to feel however they need to and find a trusted person for them to talk to.

What are some things that you wish adults said to or did for you after a loss?

I'd love to read some of your stories in the comments below!

01/08/2021

I started my workout alone. Then I had a partner. Now I have added weights.

Ask Amel

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