05/25/2022
I’m angry and sad and heartbroken and discouraged but I also know that my role here is to help when I can - to share what I know with the hope of supporting parents and kids through difficult times…so here goes:
There is no perfect script. Surely you know that by now. There are no magic words to soften this or help your kids make sense of this. There is no making sense of this kind of loss. It will never be something we can simply soothe our kids through. Never.
But it is our job to be there for them.
😢 Process your own feelings first. I cried and yelled and phoned a friend before my oldest came home from school. She gets home first. Call someone. Text someone. Take a walk. Do what you have to do to take care of you.
😢 Listen. If they have any social media, they knew before the last bell of the day. That’s how it works now. Listen to their feelings, their fears, their what ifs. They have them. Co-regulate to the extent that you can.
😢 Even if they’ve already seen something on SM (they have), stay off it now. Incomplete information spreads especially fast on Tik Tok, Snap Chat, and IG Stories. Take a break. You too, parents. And don’t leave the news on 24/7. It won’t do any of you any good.
😢 Talk about the helpers in your community, your schools, and everywhere else your kid goes. What’s your school safety plan? Not sure? Find out. Information helps.
😢 Avoid stigmatizing language about mental health. We are in a mental health crisis. A lot of kids and teens are being treated for mental health issues. When you use words like “crazy,” “deranged,” or “insane,” your words hurt others.
It’s okay to say that you don’t know why this happened. It’s okay to say sometimes we don’t have the answers we want. It’s okay to say that you’re sad, too. It’s okay to cry.
Keep it simple.
Love them, reassure them, support them…above all, they need the emotional safety that occurs when they feel connected to their grownups. You can do that.
I hope that one day I won’t have to write these posts anymore.
💔💔💔💔💔💔💔
