19/07/2024
An important advise to a sister:
السلام عليكم
Well I have already spoken at decent length here (what recording of Live videos on this page) conveying to New Muslim Reverts fundamentals of Nikaah!
As a marriage Coach I train men how to stay men & never depend on a woman for survival. I live that life myself الحمدلله (it is not easy!) and would never compromise on my honour!!!
As for the sisters, I always strongly advise, when it comes to marriage, don't be stupid!
What I mean by that, Allaah has blessed you, with a wise system, your wali is your guardian, come to good terms with him 1st and then finding a decent man and negotiating a deal will become very easy.
Yes, you read that right, every contract in real life requires clarity, integrity, honesty (mention ur good and bad upfront) and compatibility or compliance and most importantly negotiation.
But there is difference between a business deal and Nikaah deal.
I mean you keep Allaah witness and take a great responsibility on your shoulders as a man. Similarly upon Muslimah also it is a heavy responsibility.
Keep in mind, a wise elderly pious man will be able to see the flaws of a proposing groom as a man to man science. Men have long foresights. Women are just great in binding a family together and raising them but they cant take place of a man as a wali so however much Rich or educated you become, please don't play with the Golden principles of marriage!
I do not understand what you mean by you look poor. Do you mean you look ugly? I love simplicity and that is how it is suppose to be. Also it is not true, u have lot of implicit bias. Do not stereotype truth based on ur limited experiences.Trust Allaah, think good about him, the best is yet to come.
I'm 37 too. All real men want sincerity, loyalty, respect, peace, love, mercy, kids etc from a woman.
Those men who are poor, there is nothing wrong per say if they seek to marry a rich woman to get out of poverty and protect their Deen. It is better than Zina.
However technically they will loose their honour and this is not good! This is what Masheikh of Makkah, Madinah etc taught us.
So Step 1, get a guardian!
Step 2, do not tell ur groom that u r rich!
Just tell him you are not needy, only if he asks. Just focus discussion on your Deen, skills value addition as a partner like what all benefits you can offer in the long run....what you can/cant do for him and look your simple best in terms of beauty but mention u r willing to get extra mile in terms of beauty and whatever pleases him in confines of Shariah. Try to satisfy him keeping ur guardian in the call or chat, don't get private until marriage contract is signed. Upon you is to preserve your Deen & honour.
Clearly mention your expectations to him only when he asks. Try not to initiate else you will sound demanding!
There is a lot of psychology involved.
I guess if people were to study Deen from Salafi Scholars (tasfiyah and tarbiyyah) then human psychology so alot of deals will become easy in life!
Last but not the least, Nikaah or Business.....both matters require great ma'rifah and tawakkul on Allaah.
Since people are weak in faith so you seem them lacking in their commitments.
Just verify the Salah of a man.
If he has correct Aqeedah (shouldnt do Shirk or Biddah), prays 5 times and his parents and neighbours and work people are all good then this is a sign he is a Noble man!
Taking time with investigations and verification on both sides is also an important affair which is often overlooked
Focus on people's actions, not their claims.
As for me, I don't need money, I need a wife's sincere love, mercy, patience for the sake of Allaah!
If her heart is deeply connected to Allaah in Creed, Statements and Actions (knowing Tawheed is the Asl but knowing how to actualize Tawheed in our lives, makes all the difference.
If a woman wants to relocate here to UAE or KSA with to seek knowledge and that is a major attraction for me. I was never interested in going to the West. I still got lot of work to be done in the Muslim countries.
May Allaah bless you sister!
May Allaah make this post of benefit.
You can learn more here Abu Aayeshah Shuayb Vlogs
