Counselling & Conflict Management

Counselling & Conflict Management Counsellor/mediator-Southern Adelaide.

🌿 Are You Feeling Overwhelmed? Need Help Managing Conflict? 🌿Life can sometimes feel like a storm – whether it's stress,...
11/09/2024

🌿 Are You Feeling Overwhelmed? Need Help Managing Conflict? 🌿

Life can sometimes feel like a storm – whether it's stress, anxiety, or unresolved conflict at home or work, you don’t have to face it alone. 🌱

At Counselling Southern Adelaide we’re here to guide you through life’s toughest challenges. Patrick specializes in helping individuals, couples, and teams manage stress, resolve conflict, and find lasting peace.

🤝 Our Services Include:

Individual Counsellng
Relationship and Couples Therapy
Workplace Conflict Resolution
Mediation and Conflict Coaching
📅 Book a Session Today: Whether you need a safe space to talk or practical strategies to improve your relationships, we are here to support you every step of the way.

💬 Contact us today or scan the QR code to get started! Let’s work together to bring balance back into your life.

03/06/2018

Post 16 Was Aristotle into Mindfulness?
“It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.” Quoted from Daniel Klein’s book Travels with Epicurus (pg 114)
Mindfulness is a broad term drawing on many related concepts such as, being in the moment, being focussed, meditating and being aware.
Often, under stress especially, we are unaware, we create stories about others and ourselves, we draw conclusions and make judgements. Realizing that our brain can mislead us and just observing the procession of images, stories, conclusions, judgements and thought processes results in us being mindful.
So maybe when Daniel Klein was quoting Aristotle he was exposing the great philosopher as one who understood the concept of mindfulness.
Patrick Moloney 4/6/18

23/04/2018

POST 15 Escape (The Pina Colada Song)
On a recent holiday my son, wife and one of my daughters Marguerite were travelling on the M1 along the northern coast of New South Wales. Margs hooked up the blue tooth to her phone so that we could enjoy listening to some oldies that she had been given.
After the Pina Colada song had finished I asked margs if she knew what the song was really about, she replied, “Isn’t about a couple of people just getting drunk on pina colada?” I explained that it was really about a chap who was bored in his relationship and so decided to look in the personal columns to meet someone interesting. He then responded to an add which unbeknown to him was put in by his partner. He later met her in a bar and then realised that he didn’t really know her very well at all and she ticked many of the boxes that he was wanting in a women!
I have met women who admitted to marrying someone who they had never really had a deep conversation with, saying that they committed to the relationship because they thought they were in love.
Escape – Lyrics
I was tired of my lady, we’d been together too long, like a worn out recording, of a favourite song, in the personals there was a letter I read, if you like pina colada, and getting caught in the rain, if your not into yoga, if you have half a brain… I got to meet you tomorrow at a bar called O’Malley’s, where we will plan our escape… I never knew you liked Pina colada and getting caught in the rain and the feel of the ocean and a glass of champagne …”
Maybe a few conversation starters with your partner could be to discuss
1. Two values that you and your partner hold dearly.
2. Something in your childhood that you would like to change.
3. An achievement that you are most proud of.
4. Three treasured moments in your life.
5. A sad episode that you find it difficult to talk about.
6. A shortcoming that is important for your partner to be aware of.
Patrick Moloney 24/4/18

25/01/2018

Post 13 Love, Lust and suitability
A friend of mine once advised me, “If you are ever at a party or function and you notice a person across the room who you feel a disarmingly strong attraction for, get the F… out of there for it is likely you will make a very poor choice!”
Many years ago at a pre-marriage course, we, the participants were told on numerous occasions, “Love is not a feeling, it is a decision!”
All too often we base our decisions on feelings rather than logic. So, for example, we could ask ourselves, “Does my prospective partner possess a similar value system to me and have goals that are in sync with mine?” Rather than saying to oneself, “I want to marry him/her because I love the way they sing and they are so stylish and …” It’s a bit like buying a new car because you like the colour and shape rather than deciding whether it is fit for purpose.
What is love anyway? Well it is much more than a feeling. My definition which is heavily influenced by things I have read over the years is, “Love is the commitment that one makes to nurture the wellbeing of another.”
PS One qualifier I would like to make is that I acknowledge the power of our intuition, though sometimes self-delusion is cloaked in intuition and enlightenment.

25/01/2018

Post 14 Set your goals, follow your dreams and prepare for disappointment!
As a general principle most educators and parents would agree that goal setting is a productive and motivating thing to do.
However, many pitfalls can occur during this process and the results can be less than optimal. The old mantra that we can achieve anything if we put our minds to it is (despite being a useful motivating statement) an oversimplification of reality.
At times this statement sets us up for failure, especially if we do not achieve precisely what we set out to do. The trick is to not hold onto our goals too tightly and remain flexible especially if our circumstances change.
There are many examples of this. Al Gore almost became president of the United States of America in 2000. Since “failing” in his goal he has worked tirelessly for the environment writing a number of books on the topic.
Rosie Batty’s dreams of seeing her son luke grow up to be a man were shattered by an act of violence in 2004. Since that tragic event she has been an exceptional model of forgiveness and exhibited extreme dedication to the worthy cause of raising awareness around the issue of domestic violence.
Patrick Moloney 26/1/18

29/11/2017

Post 12 Trying to Disconnect!
Marie exclaimed in desperation, “Our relationship finished some months ago and I am trying to disconnect from John but he keeps texting and Facebooking me. There is no reason for this; we don’t even have kids together.” I questioned Marie further with, “And how do you respond?” Marie replied, “Well I stick up for myself and have explained to him many times, he is wrong about me, I am a reasonable person, but he does not get it, I tell him he needs to look in the mirror.”
This type of response to an ex-partner is not unusual and when we are connected to someone it is often difficult to appreciate the steps required to detach ourselves.
Firstly, we need to determine, possibly through counselling, whether we really want to become completely separate from a former friend or partner or whether we can reconcile our differences.
Secondly, we need to realize that by responding we are maintaining the connection. Sometimes the desire to have the final say or stay connected gets in the way of taking actions that can lead to achieving what we really want for our life.
Thirdly, if we really have to respond, it is best to keep it short, to the point and cordial.
Good luck. These situations are not easy and in situations of abuse they can be quite dangerous!
Patrick Moloney 29/11/17

29/10/2017

Post 11 “Depression” The most traumatic dream.
Whether it is the fact that a number of my clients are having difficulty with depression or that some themes touched upon at a recent counselling PD (professional development) day, something prompted me to have a scary dream last night. I dreamt that I was overcome by depression!
This condition resulted in me believing that there was little point in doing the things that I would usually enjoy. For example; there was a voice in my head that dominated me at one point, stating, “Your son does not want to spend time with you because you are not your normal joyful self.” This negative judgement was part of the dominant machinations in my mind as I was dissuading myself from engaging in activities (like going for a walk or swim) that might help free me from this pessimistic state of mind.
Believing everything that we think is dangerous especially if we invoke judgements about what others are concluding about ourselves. Mindfulness techniques can help us here and even CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) can be useful.
At the PD one suggestion which resonated with me was to write down three things to be grateful for every day for twenty one days. That is, to develop the habit of thinking in a more positive way and possibly interrupt the negative themes that can possess us.
Patrick Moloney 29/10/17

02/10/2017

Post 10 Living Next Door to Alice
The hit single titled “Living next door to Alice,” was released in 1979 by the band Smokie. The happy boppy tune (sometimes laced with expletives by adoring fans) disguises a sadness related to someone not seizing the moment.
The authors Chapman and Chinn state, “I don’t know why she’s leaving or where she’s gonna go … but for 24 years I have been living next door to Alice, 24 years just waitin’ for a chance, to tell her how I am feeling …”
In the 1985 film “Dead Poets Society,” Robyn Williams encouraged his students to seize the day (Carpe Diem). That is, follow yours dreams with passion and energy.
Missed opportunities can result in a sense of regret, though we can often fantasize about what may have been, contemplating, “if only …then I would be happy”
In the dynamics of relationships, to seize the opportunity to express how we feel is often an opportunity to connect and be vulnerable. But sadly, often that opportunity passes. Sometimes because we do not dare to take the risk to express a deep positive emotion or thought to those close to us.

To procrastinate for 24 years may seem a little extreme but often we fool ourselves with self-talk like, “I will make that decision later.” Deceiving ourselves into thinking we have not made a decision when we have actually made the decision. The decision was to put off making a decision is itself a decision with its own set of consequences!
Patrick Moloney 3/10/17

18/09/2017

Post 9 “Controlling others is problematic, controlling oneself is a lifelong challenge!”
Most of us react negatively if we get the feeling that someone is attempting to control, coerce or unduly influence our behaviour or opinions.
When a superior threatens shames or intimidates us into submission, superficial compliance often takes place. That is, whilst we are under the watchful eye of our “more powerful” being, we submit, only to resent and resist when the opportunity arises. Most of us can reflect upon a time when we resented being intimidated by a lover, friend, partner, parent or teacher.
On the world stage at the moment we see “power“ language by The Donald having the opposite intended effect on opponents of The West. I expect economic sanctions and other “punishments” dished out to North Korea will also be fruitless and probably result in increased acrimony.
In his book ‘Raising Boys,” (pg 72,73) Steve Biddulph emphasized the importance of boys learning self-control. He states, “… a man must know how to not “lose it,” especially when he is angry, tired and frustrated … a real man is in charge of himself and his own behaviour … a women can’t have an honest intense discussion with a man unless she feels absolutely safe with him.”
In all relationships constructive communication occurs when each person is in control and aware of their own biases, limited knowledge, prejudices and thought patterns. To be curious about the other person’s world is one of the keys to productive dialogue. Skills such as, paraphrasing and “I statements” can also be helpful.
Patrick Moloney 19/9/17

06/09/2017

Post 8 Grief and Loss, Anger and Acceptance
A friend of mine, Katrina, recently lost her mother in law Sonia, to the ravages of cancer. The disease had been a challenge to Sonia for some years and a few hours before her death Katrina got the dreaded phone call explaining that the end was nigh and that Sonia was on oxygen. Katrina wept profusely for about half an hour. After another couple of hours Katrina got the text message, “she’s gone.” Katrina was then enveloped with a sense of relief and peace. To a significant extent Katrina’s grief and loss was complete, though she admitted to having some sad reflections throughout the following days and one would expect a lingering sadness in the months ahead.
Some years ago when I was school counselling I dealt with a family bereavement. The parents involved came to see me to discuss their sadness and confusion due to the fact that one of their children seemed to be experiencing the “normal” grief and loss cycle whilst another appeared to be virtually unaffected by the loss of such a close relative and getting on with life unimpeded.
Many years ago a male friend, admitted to not shedding a tear until 5 years after his mother’s death. It was an old song that came on the radio which touched a sensitive nerve in the man.
The stages of grief can be useful in explaining the behaviour of individuals affected by a serious loss, though some people, depending on their circumstances and nature find it difficult to move from anger to acceptance.
As counsellors we are trained to be curious and treat every individual as unique with unique experiences, unique problems and unique solutions. Furthermore, we understand that the stages of grief do not always occur in a linear fashion and we all experience different challengers in losses.
Patrick Moloney 7/9/17

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