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Heart and Soul Parenting

Name: Heart and Soul Parenting
Address: Albany Creek, QLD, 4035, AU
Telephone: +61438090034

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Albany Creek, QLD
Heart and Soul Parenting

Parenting can be hard, overwhelming and confusing. I am here to offer information and advice about y Every child is hardwired to get these needs met.

HASP is a parenting consultancy that specialises in strengthening the connection you have with your child to ultimately bring about more cooperation and harmony within your household. My work with families is grounded in Attachment theory and the need to have safe and secure relationships with our children in order for them to reach their full potential. Research tells us that children who have sa

fe and secure relationships with a significant adult in their life will most likely enjoy a healthy self esteem, a sense of hope and optimism and a good peer group- among other things! HASP can assist you by offering individual consultations that both educate and inspire you to create the family life you want. These sessions are goal orientated to foster motivation and inspiration. Where you may be having difficulties in guiding your child's behaviour we will work together to determine the cause of the behaviour and respond to it in a way that will strengthen your relationship rather than causing fear and insecurity for your child. HASP also facilitates 8 week "Circle of Security" parenting training. The premise of this program is that children have basic needs that if met, will foster a safe and secure relationship. Sometimes as parents we need help interpreting what our child's behaviour is telling us! This program can be tailored to the individual if required. Finally, I offer individual counselling for parents to discuss any aspect of your parenting journey including:
* Fertility
* Grief and loss
* Overwhelm and anxiety in parenting
* Supporting you in caring for a child with mental health or disability.
*Transition to parenthood.

30/08/2021

This is a question to you? How are you today?

We are living in a human snow globe at the moment. We're being shaken up wildly and unpredictably with little end in sight.

We've all got to find our own way of making sense of things for ourselves so that we can find some inner peace. I'm working really hard on being that central, fixed landscape in the middle of the snow globe. While everything is swirling around in the snow globe, the central landscape is solid and unmoving- peaceful even.

It can be challenging work when there is such a strong invitation to be carried away with the swirling storm.

This image is a great visualisation for talking with your kids about how they are going too. Often we connect more with the visual.

So, how are you doing?

27/08/2021

Giving our kids choice is of absolute importance. We have a basic human need to have control and freedom. Child development is important here though. Toddlers can begin to make simple decisions around choice, but we need to be mindful of not overwhelming them with too many choices!

It isn't our job to control our kids- it is to offer kind, reassuring guidance and limits. Within this, there is scope to give our kids the opportunity to make choices for themselves so that they can develop a sense of self-trust and self-worth. For example, they can trust themselves to make good choices.

This graphic highlights the different ways we can give choices to our little ones. Being given a choice can dampen down the fight/flight system, which is why it is an excellent strategy to dissolve a power struggle.

26/08/2021

Did you know that it is never too late to repair relationships?

We are all in different stages of self-discovery, personal development and self-responsibility. For some of us, the wake up happens at the birth of our first baby, for others it maybe 10 years later or when our kids grow up.

One thing that attachment, neuroscience and trauma theories tell us, is that it is never to late to create a new attachment blueprint. When we change how we show up in relationships, the relationship changes.

Self-responsibility is the key to change. The phrase 'self-responsibility' rolls off the tongue so simply and yet it is a messy, painful, but yet empowering process of healing.

My hat goes off to every parent who decides to do things differently. Who takes the risk, looks inward and begins to make internal changes, rather than waiting for everybody else to change. You are changing the trajectory of your children's lives and affecting your descendents.

What changes have you made in your parenting?

25/08/2021

🤣I am a boy mum! My gorgeous, delightful boy is about to 12 and he's filled my life full of revolting, hysterical moments 😂

Anybody got any good 'boy' stories to share?

23/08/2021

Circle of Security Parenting.....Have you done it yet?

Are you one of those parents who are enjoying:
😀closer relationships with your kids?
😀less meltdowns and more calm time?
😀greater clarity in what your kids need from you at any given time?
😀more enjoyment in your time with the kids?

So often we just keep going doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result. The thing is, nothing changes unless we change what we're doing!

The best part of sharing in the circle of security journey with parents is hearing them say in disbelief that they've already seen changes after the first session of the program!!

Many other parents have said they'd wished they'd done the program sooner. Stop second guessing yourself and get the map that tells you explicitly what your child needs from you!

Do you work at an Early Learning and Care Service or are you a primary school teacher? This program could make a huge difference in your work too! Children take their attachment blueprints to school, which means the attachment needs they have at home are the ones they have at school. If you'd like to guide children's behaviour better in order to have a more effective learning environment, the COS approach is your best friend!!

Want to know more about when the next dates are and the cost? Comment below and I'll send you some info 😊

20/08/2021

When you see this image, what comes to mind?

"Dadum, Dadum, dadumdadum!!"

Shark music, right?! It's an incredible metaphor for what is happening in your body when you are triggered!!!

I often talk with parents about the circumstances in which they hear their shark music, while parenting their children. Shark music is your danger detection system signalling the alarm and telling your body that you are in danger!!! Think about though, are you really in danger when your child is having a meltdown and not doing as you ask? Is it really an emergency?

No, of course not. Well why would your brain tell your body that it is then? There are lots of very good reasons that I explore with people that gives insight!!

The main message for us though, is to start to tune into our own shark music so that we can:

1. Acknowledge the shark music (in your mind). Something like "oh, there's my shark music"😜.
2. Take a deep breath and remind yourself that it is not an emergency.
3. Recognise that your child is having their own shark music too at that very moment (that's another story!)
4. Respond to your child's needs in the moment, rather than reacting from a place of your shark music.

This is a very different response! It's about your child's needs, rather than your needs for safety and escape.
When we reflect, we typically find that our shark music activates in very predictable circumstances. When we notice the patterns, we can proactively plan to change things.

What situations activate your shark music?

19/08/2021

What a quote…rushing and stressing are the biggest enemy. Both rob us of joy and just learning to be present with our kids. There is so much perceived pressure to be constantly busy and so if we do get to stop, we spend the time feeling anxious that we’ve forgotten something.

The worrying thing is that when we’re rushed and busy all of the time, we’re teaching our kids to become the same way. We’re not showing them how to smell the roses and be present. We’re priming their systems to be constantly ‘busy’.

I’ve totally had to unlearn being ‘busy’ and find full acceptance and value in just being me and being present, as opposed to thinking my value is judged on outcomes or performance. My worth is not based on ticking off a to-do list.

This relates to a core need our kids have (we all have this need), which is be delighted in for who you are, not what you can do.

Take some time to just ‘be’

18/08/2021

I've worked with so many parents over the years who were struggling with their teens. They would find that their teen wouldn't listen to them, would be disrespectful/aggressive, run away and just do as they pleased. What resulted was a relationship filled with attempts to gain power over the other.

While it is never too late to create more loving and secure relationships with our kids, it is easier to put in the energy when they are little so that you can reap the dividends later.

Our relationship with our child is like a bank account. We have to make deposits regularly, if they are going to share with us. In those times where we would like a heavy influence (withdrawing from the bank account), we have to have invested in them first.

If you're struggling with your teen, reach out, I can show you how to restore your relationship.

15/03/2021

Where do you sit on the parenting continuum? Helicopter parent (over parenting) or no-rescue parent (under parenting).

Of course, it would be optimal to balance somewhere in the middle (compassionate parent). Having the ability to pay attention to keeping our kids safe enough from risks, while meeting their needs for emotional containment. Our approach to parenting shapes our kids for better or worse. Our own anxieties about safety can get int the way of their need to explore. If we are more 'anxious' about safety, our kids will learn that they need to limit their risk taking to make sure we're ok.

You may wonder what the problem with this is? After all, risk aversion would mean they are safe from the big, bad world and from needing hospital visits!! The problem is, the child learns to take less risk. In a world that is continually talking about resilience, there is a big chunk of the conversation missing. Resilience is bouncing back in the face of adversity (bad things happening).

You have to take risks to experiences adversities such as:
* I reached out to those bunch of kids and I was rejected.
* I climbed that tree, but I lost my balance and fell.
* Even though I put in a good effort, I didn't get selected for the team.
* I found out my mates went out together and they didn't invite me.
* I worked hard and I didn't get recognised with an award.
* I was coming first in the cross country, but I tripped at the last minute and came third instead.

We mustn't think that it's our job as parents to protect our kids from things going wrong. If we try to smooth every bump or give a medal for ever participation we disable them.

Our job is to model resilience so that they can dust themselves off when things go wrong.

Our job is to let them take age appropriate risks so that they get exposed to all of the little hiccups along the way. Recovery from the inevitable hard times of childhood, sets them up to be adults who can cope with feedback from their boss, who can cope with being knocked back for the job they desperately wanted and who can cope when life throws the curveballs. We have to deal with our own anxieties so that our kids are free to be.

What do you think?

12/10/2020

What a great graphic to explain the differences. Which one you should use and how is a trick question, of course. Punishment is never effective or useful in the long run. It only brings a host of problems.

When we feel safe and understood we learn with so much more ease. It may take some time to learn and the learning might be inconsistent, but in the long run, they get there. Remember, we’re playing the long game 💕

23/06/2020

Inevitably our kids will have a meltdown where their body becomes flooded with emotions and they come tumbling out. Their capacity to contain themselves builds over time in response to attuned, accepting caregiving.

Some adults can’t do this well!

If we regulate ourselves, we can co-regulate with our kids in time of need. We are their tuning fork.

For more on how to do this, talk with me about circle of security parenting 💕

Address

Albany Creek, QLD
4035

Telephone

+61438090034

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