Riviera Counselling Service

11/06/2026

Why Is Eight Hours Sleep Recommended?
Thanks V. This is a serious question many people consider and then wonder where this number came from and whether it really matters. We often hear that some people seem to function well on six hours or less while others struggle even after nine, the important word here is seem.
The reality is that sleep is not a period of inactivity. While we sleep, our body and brain are performing some of their most important maintenance tasks. Muscles repair, hormones are regulated, memories are processed and the immune system carries out essential work that helps keep us healthy. Most adults require somewhere between seven and nine hours of sleep each night. Eight hours sits roughly in the middle of that range, which is why it has become the commonly recommended target. It is not an exact requirement, but for most people it provides enough time for the body and mind to complete the work that is needed to keep us healthy.
What is usually overlooked is that sleep affects far more than our physical health. It also influences our mood, patience, decision making, and ability to cope with everyday challenges. Have you ever noticed how much harder life feels after a poor night's sleep? Small frustrations seem larger, concentration becomes more difficult and we are more likely to react emotionally rather than thoughtfully. When we are sleep deprived, our ability to meet our needs effectively is reduced. We may become more irritable with family members, less productive at work and less motivated to engage in activities that normally bring us enjoyment. Relationships can suffer simply because we are not functioning at our best.
Sleep also plays a significant role in learning and memory. During sleep, the brain sorts and stores information gathered throughout the day. This process helps us retain knowledge, solve problems and make sense of our experiences. Without adequate sleep, we may find ourselves forgetting things, struggling to focus or making poor decisions. Many people treat sleep as something that can be sacrificed so they can get more tasks done unfortunately the opposite is usually true. Consistently getting enough sleep will improve efficiency, creativity and performance. An extra hour spent sleeping has the potential to save several hours of reduced productivity the following day.
Of course, quality matters just as much as quantity. Eight hours of interrupted or restless sleep will not leave us feeling refreshed. Good sleep habits such as maintaining a regular bedtime, reducing screen use before bed, limiting caffeine late in the day and creating a comfortable sleep environment will make a significant difference. The goal should be to not obsess about achieving exactly eight hours every night, instead pay attention to how you feel. Do you wake refreshed? Can you concentrate during the day? Are you coping well with life's demands? These are much better indicators than the clock.
The reason eight hours is recommended is not because everyone needs exactly eight hours, but because most of us underestimate just how important sleep is and this number gives us a rough guide to how much actually need. When we view sleep as an investment rather than a luxury, we give ourselves the best chance to function well, maintain healthy relationships and enjoy life more fully.

03/06/2026

The Nocebo Effect
From this weeks Gippsland Weekend column, If you like this post, please share with others. You can read many more useful articles for free.
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Many people have heard of the placebo effect. It is what happens when someone experiences improvement because they believe a treatment, medication or action will help them, even when the treatment itself has little or no active ingredient. What most people do not realise is that there is an opposite effect as well, it is called the nocebo effect, and it can have a surprisingly powerful negative impact on our health, wellbeing and even our relationships.
The nocebo effect occurs when our negative expectations lead to negative outcomes. In simple terms, when we believe something will harm us, upset us or make us feel worse, there is a much greater chance that it actually will. The mind and body are closely connected and our beliefs, expectations and the focus they bring, impact far more than most people realise.
A classic example can occur with medication. A person may begin taking a new tablet then read the long list of possible side effects, before long they begin noticing headaches, nausea, dizziness or fatigue, even when the medication itself is not the cause. Their anxiety and expectations create a heightened awareness of every sensation in the body and normal sensations that would usually be ignored suddenly become evidence that something is wrong.
The same thing can happen outside the field of medicine. If a person constantly hears that ageing means decline, forgetfulness and weakness, they may begin to expect those outcomes and unconsciously live them. If someone is repeatedly told they are likely to fail, get sick or not cope, their confidence may drop and their stress levels rise, the prediction or belief itself begins shaping the result.
This does not mean people are imagining symptoms or making things up, the effects are real. Stress hormones increase, muscles tense, sleep worsens, the nervous system becomes more reactive and the immune system breaks down. When people live in a state of fear, worry or expectation of harm, the body will respond accordingly. This is particularly important in relationships and parenting. Children who repeatedly hear messages such as “You are anxious”, “You can’t handle this” or “You always struggle socially” may begin to believe these labels define them. Adults are no different, the stories we tell ourselves and each other matter, expectations and beliefs can either strengthen people or subtly undermine them.
The challenge is not to pretend that difficulties do not exist. Positive thinking alone does not magically solve problems, even though influencers make a fortune selling us this idea. There is a major difference between honestly facing challenges or constantly reinforcing fear and helplessness. One approach builds resilience while the other undermines it. Much of emotional and physical wellbeing comes down to where we place our attention and what meaning we attach to events. When people focus heavily on danger, failure or worst-case scenarios, their stress naturally rises. When they focus on what they can do, how they can respond and where they still have choices, they function far more effectively.
The nocebo effect reminds us that our words and thoughts are powerful, expectations are powerful, the human mind is powerful. What we repeatedly tell ourselves can either support our health and wellbeing or slowly work against it. That is why hope, encouragement and realistic optimism are not simply “nice ideas”. They are practical tools that genuinely influence the quality of our lives in every way.

03/06/2026

Why won’t my partner wear hearing aids when they really need them?
From this weeks East Regional View column, If you like this post, please share with others. You can read many more useful articles for free.
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Thanks F. It’s a question that comes up more often than you might expect. Someone’s hearing is not what it used to be, the TV volume creeps up, conversations become harder to follow, but when the idea of a hearing aid is raised, there is resistance. Sometimes strong and even angry resistance. At first this can seem puzzling, if something helps, why wouldn’t we use it?
The answer has very little to do with the device itself, and a lot to do with what it may represent. For many people, a hearing aid feels like a public declaration of ageing or decline. It can challenge the picture they hold of themselves as capable, independent, and in control. Others worry about how they will look, how others might judge them, or whether the device will make them stand out in ways they would rather avoid. There may also be a hope that things are “not that bad yet,” and that by delaying action, the issue might somehow stay manageable. When you look at it this way, the resistance is more understandable. It's not so much an issue of avoiding hearing aids, rather they are protecting something that matters deeply to them, their sense of identity, dignity, and connection with others.
The difficulty is that avoiding the issue usually has the opposite effect of what is intended. Hearing loss does not just affect the ears, it affects relationships. When conversations become harder, people tend to withdraw a little. They might avoid social situations where they strain to keep up, or they may nod along without fully understanding, which can lead to misunderstandings. Over time, this can create distance between partners, family members, and friends. Others may interpret the withdrawal as disinterest or disengagement, when the person is simply finding it all too hard. Of course, it also becomes frustrating for those around them as they find they are repeating themselves or being misunderstood.
There is also a cognitive load that comes with trying to fill in the gaps. The brain works overtime to piece together incomplete information, and that effort can be exhausting. Many people with unresolved hearing loss report increased fatigue, frustration, and even anxiety in social settings. It is not uncommon for confidence to take a hit because of this.
When someone decides to use a hearing aid, something quite different begins to happen. Conversations become easier and more natural again. The effort required to stay engaged reduces, which frees up energy for enjoying the interaction rather than just coping with it. Relationships usually improve as communication improves, and with that comes a renewed sense of connection. There is growing evidence that supporting hearing can play a role in maintaining cognitive health. When the brain receives clearer input, it does not have to work as hard to interpret sound, which may help preserve mental sharpness over time. Beyond that, there is a simple but powerful shift in confidence. People often find themselves re engaging in activities they had previously stepped away from.
The issue is not really about the hearing aids. It is about what kind of life a person wants to be living. Avoiding them might protect a certain self-image in the short term, but it comes at the cost of connection, energy, and wellbeing. Choosing to use them is not a sign of decline, it is a decision to stay engaged, to stay connected, and to keep participating fully in the moments that matter.

12/05/2026

“How do wars overseas affect us here?”
Copy of my column in the "Gippsland News"
When conflict is happening thousands of kilometres away in places like Ukraine or Iran, it can feel disconnected from everyday life in Australia. Most people have already felt the impact, or will very soon, not just through headlines, but through their wallets, their work, and their sense of security.
The best way to understand it is this, we live in a deeply connected world, especially when it comes to energy. Oil is not just about petrol in your car, it influences transport, food production, manufacturing, medicine and just about every supply chain you can think of. When war disrupts supply, prices rise everywhere.
Right now, global oil prices have surged due to conflict in the Middle East, with flow-on effects already being felt at the bowser and beyond. In Australia, petrol prices have jumped sharply, in some cases by more than one dollar a litre in just a few weeks. That increase doesn’t stay contained, it moves through the economy, lifting the cost of goods, services and ultimately the cost of living.
We saw a similar pattern occur with the war in Ukraine. Russia is a major global energy supplier, and when that supply was disrupted, fuel prices rose and inflation followed, the same pattern is repeating now. Economists are warning that rising fuel costs are “making us all poorer” and may even push inflation and interest rates higher.
Beyond the economics, there’s a human layer to this that matters just as much. When costs rise and uncertainty grows, people feel less secure, and when we feel less secure, we tend to move into what choice theory would describe as external control thinking. We start looking outward for someone to blame as well as someone or something to fix our discomfort. Governments, oil companies, other countries, even the people around us can become targets of our frustration and anger.
Our relationships too can begin to feel the strain; financial pressure is one of the most common sources of tension in families and workplaces. Something as simple as the cost of filling the car or paying the power bill can quickly shift the emotional tone in a household if we let it, as we look for someone close by to blame and vent our feelings on. This is where it becomes important to pause and ask a different question. Not “Why is this happening to me?” but “Given this is happening, how can I respond in a way that doesn’t hurt me or my relationships with those I care about?”
We don’t control global conflicts, oil supply routes, or international politics, but we do have influence over how we manage ourselves in response. That might mean having more open conversations about money, adjusting expectations, or simply recognising that the tension we feel is a response to situations we can’t control, not a failure in ourselves or others.
There’s also something useful in understanding what’s really going on. Much of what we’re experiencing is not personal, it’s systemic. Australia imports a large portion of its fuel, making us particularly sensitive to global disruptions. So, when prices rise, it’s not because someone locally has done something wrong, it’s because the world is interconnected in ways we can’t always see.
We may be far removed from the conflict itself, but we are still part of a shared global system. The challenge is to not be frustrated that we don’t control that system, but to stay grounded within it. We need to focus on what we can control, what we choose to do, how we relate to the people around us, and how we maintain a sense of steadiness when the world feels anything but. While we can’t always choose our circumstances, we do always have the say in how we choose to be within them.

06/05/2026

“I am always being told not to overthink things, but I don’t know how to do this.”
Thanks for your question G, it is a frustrating piece of advice, isn’t it? Someone tells you to “Just stop overthinking,” as if you can flick a switch and your mind will suddenly go quiet. Most people who struggle with this already know they are stuck in their thoughts, the problem is not awareness, it is knowing what to do next.
Let’s start by clearing something up, the term “overthinking” is misleading, the issue is not that you are thinking too much. As human beings, we are always thinking, that is what our minds do. Trying to stop thinking altogether is like trying to stop your heart from beating, it is not realistic, and it is not helpful. A better way to understand this is to realise that it is not about how much you are thinking, it is about what you are thinking and what you do with your thinking.
When your thinking is useful, you plan, reflect, solve problems, and move forward in meeting your needs, when it is not useful, you tend to go around in circles. You might find yourself worrying about things that have not happened, replaying things that already have, or trying to find the perfect decision where no perfect option exists. You can spend a lot of energy without getting anywhere. The reason this feels so exhausting is that your body responds to your thoughts as if they are real events, if your mind is focused on what might go wrong, your system gears up as though it is already happening. That can be helpful in short bursts, but when it becomes a pattern, it drains you.
So, if the goal is not to stop thinking, what can you do? A helpful starting point is to become more aware of the direction your thinking is taking you. You might ask yourself, “Is this thinking helping me right now?” Not in a harsh or critical way, but simply as an observation. If your thinking is leading to a clear decision or action, then it is doing its job, if it is just going around in circles, then it may be time to shift.
This is where your personal choice comes in. While we don’t always have immediate conscious control over the thoughts that we create, we do have total control over what we do with them. We can choose whether to stay with a thought, build on it, or move our attention elsewhere, in time we can even develop and practice more useful thinking patterns. Sometimes it means taking a small action instead of trying to think your way to certainty. Sometimes it means accepting that you cannot control every outcome. Sometimes it simply means bringing your attention back to what is in front of you, rather than what might happen or what has already passed.
It is worth remembering that a thought is just a thought, it is not a prediction, it is not a fact, and we don’t have to act on it. The more we treat every thought as something that must be solved or believed, the more stuck we can feel. Instead of trying to “stop overthinking,” a more helpful goal is to start thinking in a way that works for you. Thinking that leads you somewhere, rather than keeping you stuck. Once you make that shift, even in small ways, you will find your mind doesn’t have to be quiet for you to feel at ease.

22/03/2026

Todays East Regional View column
Why are there so many more mental illnesses these days?
Thanks for your question, V. Everywhere we turn there seem to be new labels, new diagnoses and new treatments being discussed. For some people this increased awareness has been helpful. it has encouraged people who were suffering in silence to seek help and to talk openly about their struggles, which is undoubtedly a positive step. At the same time however, we may be entering a crucial period in how society understands mental health. We appear to be standing at the crossroads of two very different ways of viewing human distress. One path continues to expand the illness model, where increasing aspects of human behaviour are interpreted primarily as symptoms of a disorder that requires diagnosis and treatment. The other path moves toward a wellness model, where we begin by recognising that each person is simply doing the best they can, with what they know, in the circumstances they find themselves.
The illness model has brought some important benefits. It has helped remove some of the stigma around seeking help and it has encouraged research into conditions that genuinely cause profound suffering, but the risk is that the net keeps widening. When the focus is based upon identifying problems as illness, it becomes very easy to see pathology almost everywhere. Everyday struggles such as stress, grief, frustration, loneliness or uncertainty can quickly become framed as symptoms rather than as normal human experiences that people are trying to navigate. If we are not careful, we may drift toward a future where nearly anyone, at some point in their life, can be described as having a mental illness requiring treatment. That would not only be unsustainable for health systems but would also risk weakening people's belief in their own ability to cope, adapt and grow.
A wellness model starts from a different assumption about human behaviour. Instead of asking “What is wrong with this person?” it asks, “What is happening in this person’s life that might explain the way they are behaving?” When we take this perspective, behaviour begins to make more sense. People are constantly trying to meet fundamental human needs such as safety, connection, a sense of achievement, freedom and enjoyment. When those needs feel out of balance, people experience distress and they search for ways to restore equilibrium. Sometimes the strategies people use are helpful, sometimes they are less effective and can create further problems. The underlying motivation is almost always the same, people are trying to improve how they feel and how their lives are working.
Once we understand this, the conversation about mental health begins to shift. Instead of simply diagnosing problems and prescribing medications or treatments, we start helping people understand their own choices, their relationships and the environments they are living in. We focus more on strengthening connections, building skills and increasing a person’s sense of agency in their own life.
None of this means dismissing genuine mental illness or ignoring the value of professional support. There may always be people who need specialised care and treatment, but if we rely too much on an illness framework, we risk overlooking the enormous capacity of people to grow when they are supported in understanding themselves and their relationships more clearly. The real challenge for the coming decades is to find a healthier balance. A society that supports people who are struggling, without automatically turning every struggle into a disorder, will ultimately prove to be a far more sustainable and empowering path forward.
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22/03/2026

You can change your brain.
“Your mind is a garden; your thoughts are the seeds. You can plant flowers, or you can plant weeds.” It is a simple line, but it carries a depth that modern neuroscience is only now catching up with. Recent research coming out of Stanford University has again highlighted something many of us have known for years. The brain is not fixed, it is changeable, responsive and deeply influenced by what we consistently think, believe and do.
Neuroplasticity is the term used to describe the brain’s ability to reorganise itself throughout life. New neural pathways are formed, and old ones strengthened or weakened based on repeated experience. In other words, the brain adapts to what we practise, and one of the most powerful things we practise every day is thinking. Every thought we return to, every story we tell ourselves, and every interpretation we make of events sends a signal through the brain. Over time, frequently used pathways become stronger and easier to travel, this is why deeply held beliefs can feel so real and convincing. They are not just ideas; they are well worn neural paths built through repetition.
What is often misunderstood is that beliefs are not innate, they are built by us over time and what we built we can rebuild when it isn’t working for us. When people feel stuck, hopeless or defined by past experiences, it is rarely because change is impossible. It is usually because the same internal patterns keep being chosen automatically. Challenging a belief is uncomfortable because it means stepping off a familiar path and forging a new one. Neuroscience now confirms that this is exactly how change occurs, new thinking quite literally reshapes the brain.
This has implications far beyond mood or motivation. The brain does not operate in isolation, it acts as a control centre, constantly communicating with the body through the nervous system, the endocrine system and the immune system. Chronic stress and persistent negative emotional states trigger hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline. When these are elevated over long periods, inflammation increases, immunity weakens, and the body becomes more vulnerable to illness. Research now links prolonged stress with autoimmune conditions and even cancer progression.
The opposite is also true. When people learn to regulate stress, focus on constructive thinking and engage in practices that calm the nervous system, the body responds. Healing hormones are released, inflammatory markers reduce and the immune system functions more effectively.
Mindfulness is one well studied example; multiple studies show reductions in inflammatory markers alongside lower stress hormone levels, at the same time as positive changes in brain structure and function are observed. The brain becomes more flexible, more resilient and better able to manage emotional challenges. None of this means that life is always easy or that pain can be wished away. What it does mean is that we are not passive victims of our inner world, while we can’t control everything that happens to us, we do have influence over how we choose to respond, what we tell ourselves internally and which mental seeds we keep planting. Over time, gardens change, and so do brains
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08/03/2026

Healthy connection is an essential component of wellbeing for each and every one of us. One of the simplest yet extremely important part of that connection is touch. Skin hunger is a very real thing, read on to find out more in this article from the Gippsland Weekend. If you like this post, please share with others. You can read many more useful articles for free.
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28/02/2026

Todays post is from my article in this weeks East Regional View newspaper. This vexed question is one many parents agonise over, please enjoy and if you like this post, share with others. You can read many more useful articles for free.
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25/02/2026