28/03/2017
Good afternoon friends, I know, it's been a while and in fact so long I feel I'd like to explain why I suddenly went MIA.
Last year saw me battle with a few health concerns that eventually ended in surgery. My recovery was drawn out due to an infection that required antibiotics and additional rest. To add to the mental exhaustion of this time, my beautiful Grandma suddenly passed away, which increased my vulnerability and kinda threw me into a major tailspin if I'm completely honest with myself.
Even though Grandma no longer recognised us and finally had the peace she so desperately sought, in my heart, I was devastated.
In her healthier years and especially when I was a child Grandma had a knack of creating fun and we had so many exciting adventures together. We would laugh, she would hug me tight, and it felt like she was my biggest supporter as I grew up, traveled and created my own life. As great grandchildren came she loved spending time with them, especially as babies. Grandma loved babies.
This woman who taught me so much was fierce, protective, fought for what she believed in and tread her own path. Didn't care for trends or fitting in.
Her funeral was incredibly special, in fact, one of the best I've been to (hmmm can I even say that? oh well, you know what I mean). Grandma always said she wanted us to celebrate, dance and have a party at her funeral. She didn't want us to be sad, she wanted us to talk about all the great experiences she'd had and how much she loved us. Well that's exactly what we did! Party hats and poppers, the lot! It felt weird at first, but the music helped an awkward situation become one of connectedness. I'm so glad I was well enough to go and say farewell to my beautiful Grandma. I'll always hold close to my heart the influence she has had on my life.
After Grandma's funeral we went on a family holiday to be together, rest and recuperate. It was such good timing. My brain needed the space to stop all our daily routines and just focus on us. There were many tears but also lots of laughter and great memory making. I shared stories about my childhood with my boys and hubby. Just talking and remembering soothed my soul. The power of connecting to people you care about is immense isn't it? They gave me the space to be me, to grieve and to feel love and patience from them. I'll be forever grateful to them for that.
Christmas and New Year came and went, it was full of fun and excitement and family times.
I love spending the holidays with my boys and feel privileged to be able to schedule this around my work. These holidays were different though; I was in a major funk. I couldn't just snap out of it and be the happy, fun Mum and person I wanted to be. Everything just felt different. So we kept close to home, had a few friends over to hang out, nothing much, essentially I withdrew from the world. I felt it was important to give myself time, just let my body work though what was going on. I was also still experiencing some issues after my surgery so it was good to release the pressures in my head and just be. I was questioning so much about myself. Was this linked to Grandma passing? I kept asking myself, I'm not sure.
Back into school and kindergarten and I hate saying it, but life just got busy. Running kids everywhere, looking after everyone. Then to my surprise the last few weeks I've found pieces of myself starting to resurface. I'd hoped it would happen, but honestly I wasn't sure. Some stages I actually thought I was going crazy! But it's different; I can feel some changes happening. I'm engaged again, I'm interested, I have an urge to write and do my thing again. Well, about bloody time is all I can say! Welcome back Sally!
So hold on folks, I'm going to make up for lost time!
Thanks for staying with me.
Much love and thanks to a few of the best and special friends for being there for me and my family during this challenging time - you know who you are xx
