09/11/2023
๐๐ญ๐ฌ ๐ฌ๐จ ๐จ๐๐ฏ๐ข๐จ๐ฎ๐ฌ!
While you can make a picture out of batteries of a famous meme and people will feel chuffed to know what it isโฆ do you know the early warning signs of an abusive partner?
๐ฅ ๐๐ถ๐ด๐ต ๐ญ๐ช๐ฌ๐ฆ ๐ง๐ช๐ณ๐ด๐ต ๐ข๐ช๐ฅ, ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ฌ๐ฏ๐ฐ๐ธ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ด๐ฆ ๐ข๐ด ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ค๐ข๐ฏ ๐ด๐ข๐ท๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ญ๐ช๐ง๐ฆ ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ข ๐ง๐ณ๐ช๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ฅ, ๐ง๐ข๐ฎ๐ช๐ญ๐บ ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ฎ๐ฃ๐ฆ๐ณ, ๐ธ๐ฐ๐ณ๐ฌ ๐ค๐ฐ๐ญ๐ญ๐ฆ๐ข๐จ๐ถ๐ฆ ๐ฐ๐ณ ๐ฆ๐ท๐ฆ๐ฏ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ณ๐ด๐ฆ๐ญ๐ง.
๐จ ๐๐๐ซ๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐๐๐ซ๐ง๐ข๐ง๐ ๐๐ข๐ ๐ง๐ฌ ๐จ
This information comes from the incredible Ted Talk ๐๐ง๐ฆ๐๐ฌ๐ค๐ข๐ง๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐๐๐ฎ๐ฌ๐๐ซ ๐๐ฒ ๐๐ซ. Dina McMillan, Ph.D.
โ ๏ธ Abusers can ruin lives without laying a finger on you. Learn to recognise coercive control: any behaviour which scares, hurts, isolates, humiliates, harasses, monitors, takes away another person's freedom or unreasonably controls their day-to-day activities.
๐ญ Many abusers are masters of disguise โ charming and seemingly normal.
๐ They see their partner as an object, not a person.
โ๏ธ They gain power early by making a lot of decisions. We will eat here, we will sit there and do this. We tend to want to appear โeasygoingโ when first starting a relationship so we give up a lot of this control.
๐ Abusers often move quickly from one relationship to another, or juggle multiple at once.
๐ฏ Grooming is a skill set they have in spades. Grooming is scripted manipulative behaviours including lying, deceiving, and performing โ all to gain control.
๐ They marathon you: they will be with you as much as they can or contact you endlessly when you are not together. This โtogethernessโ creates a false sense of intimacy to lower your defenses and sway your thinking.
๐ An overload of gifts, compliments, promises, and constant talk of future plans all designed to manipulate you.
๐งฒ The push and pull: They lower your confidence with actions designed to make you feel dumb, unattractive, or naive and if you start to pull away, they will make you feel special again. But only for a little while.
๐ Transformation โ they're trying to change your taste, beliefs, career, or style right away, be alert.
๐ฅ "You and me against the world" โ they're sharing 'secrets' and asking yours, not for bonding- for control. They say โno one has ever made me feel like thisโ, โyou are so specialโ, and โI've never told this to anyone beforeโ. They are creating the false sense of a safe space to gain control.
๐ฒThey expect instant responses and get upset if you are unresponsive so you are trained to priotise them. They discourage your independence and encourage a high reliance on them, which is a sign of impending isolation.
๐ฃ They'll use every trick to keep you โ from guilt trips to bribes, even reaching out to your family or friends without your knowledge to manipulate them and undermine you.
โ
Stay aware and stay safe. If these signs ring true, please seek help, 1800RESPECT is a good place to start. You are not alone, do not do this alone.
