The Parenting Coach

04/07/2026

Violence at home can set up a pattern of violence in children:

One of the oldest parenting methods is now at the center of a growing debate.

During a July 1 hearing of the Philippine Senate's Committee on Women, Children, Family Relations and Gender Equality, child development expert Dr. Liane Alampay challenged the long-held belief that physical punishment is an effective way to discipline children.

According to Alampay, research from around the world consistently shows that children raised with harsher forms of discipline are more likely to develop violent behavior as they grow older. She stressed that while violence has many possible causes, the way children are treated at home can play an important role in shaping how they respond to conflict later in life.

Her remarks came as lawmakers discussed child welfare and protection, with renewed attention on encouraging positive, non-violent approaches to discipline instead of corporal punishment.

The debate over spanking and other forms of physical discipline has continued for decades across many countries. As more research emerges, parents, educators, and policymakers are being challenged to rethink whether fear and pain truly teach lasting lessons—or simply pass harmful behaviors on to the next generation.

03/05/2026

Children are always watching… not just what we say, but how we live.

They notice the tone in your voice, the way you speak about yourself, how you repair after mistakes, and how you show up when things feel hard. These “little things” are actually the blueprint they use to build their own inner voice, relationships, and sense of self.

This is how emotional safety is taught.
This is how self-worth is learned.

Not through perfect parenting—but through consistent, human moments of awareness, repair, and connection. 💛

So the next time you feel like it’s the small things… you’re right.
They’re small—but they’re shaping everything.

30/04/2026

More wisdom from the doctor.

07/04/2026

Especially now!

We need more peacemakers. We need more kids learning how to have healthy relationships. We need more empathic listening, more conflict resolution. We need more parents, leaders, teachers, couples, teenagers to learn HOW to relate to one another with respect, maturity, honesty, acceptance, love, fairness.

Because we firmly believe that Dr. Gordon was right.

16/03/2026

Mums, read on ….

Parents sometimes notice that a child behaves calmly all day but suddenly melts down when they see their mother. It can feel confusing or even personal. Many mothers wonder why their child seems to save their biggest emotions for the moment they come home.

Child development research shows this reaction is connected to emotional safety. A child’s nervous system often relaxes quickly when they reunite with a primary caregiver. As stress levels drop, the brain releases stored tension, which can appear as crying, frustration, or overwhelming feelings.

This reaction is not a sign of failure in parenting. In many cases, it reflects trust. When children feel safe with someone, their brains allow difficult emotions to surface. Responding with calm support helps children gradually learn how to process those feelings in healthy ways.

05/02/2026

Sometimes, as a parent, it’s helpful to take a moment to reflect on the child’s behaviour before reacting.

When a child’s behavior feels challenging, it’s easy to assume they’re doing it on purpose.
But most of the time, behavior is communication.

Kids act out when they’re tired, hungry, overwhelmed, anxious, missing connection, struggling with a skill, or carrying an unmet need they don’t yet know how to express.

Seeing behavior this way doesn’t mean we allow everything. It means we respond with kindness and curiosity instead of punishment, and support instead of shame.

When we look for the reason beneath the behavior, we help our children feel safer, more understood, and more capable of learning better ways to cope.

That’s where real growth happens. 💛

02/02/2026

We forget sometimes —
because they talk like us, argue like us,
and push back like us —
that they are not like us. Not yet.

Children are not mini adults.
Their brains are still forming.
Their nervous systems are still calibrating.
Their sense of self, their impulse control,
their ability to see another's perspective —
it's all still under construction.

The brain doesn't finish developing until
well into the twenties.
And the parts responsible for
emotional regulation,
understanding consequences,
and empathy?
They're among the last to mature.

So when we expect them to behave
with the steadiness of someone fully grown,
we're not setting a boundary —
we're setting them up.

They need space to be loud,
impulsive, reactive, and real.
Not because they're choosing to be difficult,
but because they're still developing the tools to do anything else.

Every meltdown,
every pushback,
every wobble
is a chance to learn, not a sign of failure.

Let them be little.
That's where the real growth begins. ❤️

02/02/2026

We often focus on stopping the behaviour, not calming the child.

When a child is flooded with emotion, their brain is not choosing to be difficult. It is in survival mode. Reasoning, lectures, consequences, or telling them to calm down do not work at that point. They often make things worse.

Children calm through connection, not control. They need to feel safe before they can listen, think, or learn. The words adults use during emotional moments can either settle the nervous system or increase fear and shame. Even well-meaning phrases can accidentally signal danger or rejection.

Big emotions are not bad behaviour. They are a sign that something feels too much. When adults stay calm, name what is happening, and offer safety, the child’s body can begin to settle. Skills grow after the storm, not in the middle of it.

This is why the right words matter.

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02/02/2026

Time Out or sending a child to their room to think about a misdemeanour isn’t helping the child. This is why:

If you’ve ever been told to “send them to calm down” and it didn’t sit right with you — this is why.
Children don’t learn regulation through isolation. They learn it through connection. Through an adult who stays close, steady, and calm enough for them to borrow that calm until their own nervous system can catch up. This isn’t about spoiling or rescuing. It’s about building the brain skills that make self-regulation possible.