27/06/2023
Have you ever stopped to really think about the behaviour we (as a society) expect - and often demand - from children?
We expect them to be in control of their emotions at all times, to never lose it and yell or shout, tantrum or sulk. If they do, their behaviour is considered 'bad' and they are appropriately (or so we believe) punished.
We shout back, we send them to their rooms alone to "think about what happened and learn to do better next time" (hint - that doesn't happen, they just learn that they don't get help from you when they need it most) and we use consequences (in this instance - consequences is just another word for punishment that makes our act feel a bit softer, but it isn't).
The injustice in all of this, is that we expect them to behave better than we do. We expect them to have more mature emotion regulation skills than we do.
We punish them for being kids with an immature brain and we punish them for behaviour that we, as adults, still struggle with.
The irony in all of this, is that our behaviour actually inhibits the development of the emotion regulation skills we are so desperate for them to possess!
What do they need?
Support, connection, guidance, empathy and someone to genuinely listen.
How do we do that?
First, we must learn to regulate ourselves and we must reset our expectations, so that we set them up to succeed, not persistently fail.
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