31/08/2026
Are You Talking – Or Just Arguing?
Most couples don’t have a lack-of-love problem. They have a communication problem.
And, importantly, communication is something that can be learnt.
Have you ever had an argument with you partner and, half an hour later, wondered: “How on earth did we get to that?”
You started bickering about the dishes and somehow ended up discussing something that happened at Christmas three years ago.
I see communication problems with couples all the time.
Often, both are talking at the same time.
Both believe they’re explaining themselves.
Both are thinking, “If only my partner listened to what I was saying.”
And neither feels heard.
The good news is that good communication isn’t something you are simply born knowing how to do. It’s a skill – and skills can be learnt.
So, let’s begin with a simple question:
Why do people argue?
In nearly all cases, the answer is simple.
Both people want to be right.
Each is convinced their point of view is the correct one. And if only their partner would agree with them, the argument could be over.
Of course, their partner is thinking exactly the same thing.
That’s why nobody wins an argument.
The moment you become determined to defend your point of view, you stop listening to your partner.
And when your partner feels you are not listening, they become frustrated and try even harder to make their point.
So you defend yourself even more. And around and around you go.
The argument is no longer about solving the problem. It’s about proving who is right.
And that is where communication begins to break down.
Over the next few weeks, I will share some simple ways you can communicate better, listen intently and hopefully, argue a little less.
Your relationship may think you for it.
