susanbennett.net

14/06/2024

If you feel like you're running on coffee and chaos while secretly envying your houseplants' simple lives, know that you’re in good company.

Aaaand, that it could be a good time to consider making some changes.

You probably already know that chronic stress is toxic to our bodies and minds.

And while it might be nice to dream of packing it all in to spend the rest of your life on a tropical island, sipping piña coladas and soaking up the sun, it’s not actually necessary.

Piles of research shows that we have the amazing ability to consciously tweak our biology, helping us stay calmer and more centred, even when you feel like you need a GPS to navigate your to-do list!

It’s not necessarily easy but so worth the effort!

I’ve made a video to help you, where I also share 3 powerful practices that I do daily to help me stay grounded and focussed on what’s most important.

Check it out here: https://youtu.be/6VLToqDekiI

I wonder what the world would look like if we were to all prioritise inner peace and groundedness over getting more stuff done. 🤔

11/06/2024

Have you ever seen a small child argue until they’re blue in the face that black is actually white? Or that a spoon is a pineapple?

We just laugh and think “Ah, kids are crazy”.

But perhaps we’re doing something a little similar when we refuse to accept reality by going over and over an incident in our mind that we wish could have been different? As though more thought will change something?

Or when we put on the mental skids, trying to avoid the inevitable conversation we’re dreading, or the difficult meeting or even the whole aging process?

Ancient traditions emphasize the idea of living in harmony with the natural flow of life, being fully present and accepting of whatever happens.

Of course, that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t work towards change when it’s needed.

But fighting against reality isn’t going to get us the results we’re after. It’ll just suck our energy and add to the suffering we’re already experiencing.

Instead, we might be able to let ourselves feel the discomfort, bring on some self-compassion and accept what is.

Because a spoon isn’t really a pineapple.

❤️

04/06/2024

New things are usually pretty scary because there are no guarantees. We can’t know for sure that we’ll land where we’re aiming.

Most of us aren’t comfortable with uncertainty, so we might be tempted to stay in our little water bowl…even if we’re uncomfortable there.

Here’s a little trick I use to help me decide whether I really want to take the leap into something new.

I ask myself, “What’s the worst that could happen?”

Not to freak myself out. To calculate the risk.

When you know the worst that could happen, you can plan for it, increasing the sense of certainty about something that isn’t certain at all!

You can ask yourself, if this worst case scenario was to happen, how exactly would I deal with it? What actions would I take? What effect would it have on me and those around me?

Write it down.

Most of the time we’ll discover that if the absolute worst thing did happen, we’d still be okay.

And if that’s the case, we can feel free to jump into the unknown.

Afterall, lots of valuable things are found here.

Where in your life could you use this to boost your courage to jump?

31/05/2024

With it being Reconciliation Week here in Australia, I'm reminded of how important it is to listen to the stories of suffering and resilience of Aboriginal Australians. Really *hearing* shows respect and plays a little part in the healing process.

Listening isn't easy. And it's rare. Often our own emotions pop up and risk taking us off in another direction. It takes a lot of skill to deal with them effectively so we can be there fully for the other person.

But when it's done well, it's such a gift.

Let’s honour the stories of Aboriginal Australians and use it as a reminder to listen more openly and compassionately to everyone around us.

We all deserve to be heard.

❤

29/05/2024

You know what helps me get out of a funk?

Taking the focus away from myself.

When you're thinking about other people, you can't feel bad about yourself, you can't feel sorry for yourself and you can't feel disappointed in yourself. Taking your focus away from yourself altogether nips those thoughts in the bud...right where they need to be nipped.

Far more beautiful and productive buds will grow by doing good for other people.

And then the kindness might even start to spread to yourself.

Voila. The funk has been transformed, like manure into a rose.

🌹

27/05/2024

26/05/2024

Oh, the embarrassment!

I was competing in a humorous speech contest. Yes, me! I know I have a lot of strengths but being funny isn’t one of them.

This was WAY out of my comfort zone…which is why I agreed to do it.

I was feeling extremely nervous when the Chairperson stood up on stage and announced that I’d be the first to give my speech. Eek!

I took my place at the lectern and looked out at the sea of serious faces and formal suits. There was a chill radiating from the crowd.

I put on a big smile and began my well-rehearsed speech. When I dropped my first joke, nobody even cracked a smile. Yikes, tough crowd. At the second and third, I might have seen a couple of frowns break into something that resembled a smile. And I’m sure I heard a ripple of quiet snickers at the fourth, but I’m still not sure if they were laughing at what I said or out of pity.

By this stage, I was so uncomfortable I was drip-sweating. But that was nothing compared to what was coming.

About halfway through my speech, an ultra-serious face in the crowd caught my attention. In that moment, I convinced myself he was one of the judges (who were unknown to all participants) and that he was very unimpressed by my speech.

[It turns out he was a competitor in a subsequent competition and the look on his face was terror at what lay ahead for him!]

His expression and my false assumption were enough to throw me and I completely lost where I was at in my speech. Without any notes, I stood there in complete silence…all eyes fixated on me.

You know how in embarrassing moments, each second feels like an eternity?

I stood there, like a startled deer, desperately trying to remember the next part of my speech for A WHOLE MINUTE!

Yep, it was bad.

Finally, once the whole room of people were wriggling in their seats at the awkwardness of the situation, the next line of my speech popped into my head and I was away again.

Needless to say, I didn’t win the contest!

Even though I felt like I was going to die at the time, I’m still glad I did it. I learned a lot through that experience and every speech I’ve given since has been exceptional in comparison!

In moments like those, where we disappoint ourselves, it’s easy to feel like a failure and think we’re just not cut out for it.

But that’s soooo far from the truth.

Okay, so maybe I’m not cut out to be a stand up comedian, but it’s important to remember that all successful people fail *a lot*. Failure isn’t the opposite of success, it’s just a stepping stone on the success journey.

When we fail, it means we're pushing ourselves beyond our comfort zones, challenging ourselves to grow and evolve. And that’s something to celebrate!

But I know, it doesn’t usually feel like that at the time.

I want to encourage you to go out and challenge yourself to do scary things, but I don’t want you to beat yourself up when you miss the mark. So, I’ve made this little video to help you get through the setbacks, failures and disappointments.

Watch it here: https://youtu.be/zwohdwkJLGQ

It’ll help you pick yourself back up and continue on your success journey faster, with less bruising and better equipped to succeed next time.

Here’s to your failure AND success.

❤️

23/05/2024

It’s just those moments when we might be most tempted to be hard on ourselves (like when we make a mistake or behave in a way that disappoints us or others), that we probably actually need the most care and compassion.

There was an old proverb that used to guide parenting for generations: “Spare the rod and spoil the child”. But piles of research (e.g. in child development, positive psychology, education and psychology in the workplace), now shows that punishment (physical, verbal, emotional, deprivation, etc) is nowhere near as effective for learning and growth as compassion and kindness.

And that applies to self-punishment too!

Where there’s compassion and kindness, we feel psychologically safe to explore the learnings, grow from them and experiment with new ways of being and doing.

When you feel disappointed in yourself, try holding yourself gently and kindly. Ask yourself what you can learn from the experience from this place and see how different that feels.

P.S. If you’re interested in learning more about how to move on from “failures” quickly and more easily, I’ve made a short video for you and it’s coming in the next couple of days. Type ‘yes’ in the comments below if you’d like it emailed to you so you don’t miss it.

20/05/2024

I’ve got to share this with you.

After seeing the video of the Circles of Comfort I posted on Friday, Mon Eek created this amazing representation of the circles. Check out the video here if you missed it: https://youtu.be/1CfEZVNjDdQ),

I LOVE this Mon Eek!

Apart from just being a beautiful piece of artwork, I love the way you’ve used animals to increase awareness about how we behave in each moment.

Even though none of us were born to be meerkats, turtles or puffer fish, sometimes we do act like them in an attempt to keep ourselves safe.

There might be times and places where bringing out those behaviours are actually helpful (e.g. I’d probably pull out wasp behaviours if someone threatened my family!).

But most of the time they’re not.

All the beliefs we’ve constructed about ourselves and the world over our lifetime can fool us into thinking they’re the truth and they’re what’s most important.

They might have us think that we’re not worthy of love if we disappoint somebody or that we’re a failure if we don’t perform perfectly. Which of course is not true!

I spent a bit of time looking at each of these animals and asking myself “What is it that we REALLY need when we pull out these behaviours?”

And you know what’s interesting?

Even though the behaviours of each one look different, I kept coming back to the same basic need - we need to come back to who we really are.

When we’re disconnected from our true nature, we get lost in the stories, the external expectations and the societal norms. We struggle with stress, overwhelm, self-doubt, lack of purpose and all sorts of other disconnected experiences.

When we come back to our true nature, there’s a sense of peace and acceptance. There’s more clarity, compassion and resilience. And there’s a greater ability to *consciously choose* how we want to behave.

How do you reconnect with your true nature?

Mindfulness, meditation or yoga? Perhaps breathing exercises, journaling or nature immersion. Every moment can be an opportunity to reconnect.

Thanks for sharing Mon Eek. I’m going to have fun with this, noticing when the animal side of me pops up and checking in to find out whether I’m still connected to the real me.

🙏

17/05/2024

You already know that very little growth or learning happens in your comfort zone, right? And even though it’s “comfortable” there, it’s not likely to be super fulfilling if you spend too much time there.

But, when we get so far out of our comfort zones that we're completely FREAKING OUT…well, that's not the best for learning and growth either.

I explain the 3 zones of comfort - comfort, growth and freak-out - in this short video:

https://youtu.be/1CfEZVNjDdQ

Understanding these zones and how they relate to your life can be a game-changer! You can then make *conscious choices* about where you want to be operating in each moment, bringing more fulfilment, adventure and endless possibilities into your life.

Oh, and if you’re someone who’s hesitant to push yourself too far out of your comfort zone because you’re scared of failing (you’re not alone!), look out for next week’s video. I’ll be laying out a proven process to help you pick yourself up and get back on your path to success faster, smarter and without any whips (only loving kindness).

Check out the circles of comfort video here: https://youtu.be/1CfEZVNjDdQ

❤️

15/05/2024

Want to help each other out?

Community gives life more zing, like the tamarind sauce in a Pad Thai. What if we could tap into the little pieces of wisdom that we have in this little community to make our lives more meaningful, productive and joyful?

Will you share with us what you do to help yourself do the hard things, even when you’re freaking out on the inside?

I’ll start.

One thing I find really helpful is to bring my focus to my ‘why’ for doing it. For example, I get SO nervous when I’m public speaking if I’m wondering about whether the audience will like what I have to say. Whereas, if I just think about why I’m putting myself out there - because I want to help people to live more fully and courageously into their potential - my presentation then feels like a gift that I’m offering to the audience. Just like with any gift, there’s no guarantee that people will like it. But I can guarantee that what I offer is coming from the heart and that feels powerful.

What have you got?

13/05/2024

I once saw a suggestion for people who struggle to tidy their house. It was to cover up all the mess with a sheet, then just peel back enough of the sheet so you can only see what feels manageable.

I love this!

It’s amazing how the overwhelm just disappears when you hide things from yourself and just focus on *one step at a time*!

I’ve started playing around with using the same strategy for doing other things in my life that feel overwhelming. Like, I often feel like I have too many thoughts in my head for my brain to make sense of it all, so I start by dumping everything that’s floating around in my brain onto a piece of paper, where at least the thoughts stay still.

Then, I pick the thing from my list that feels like the first logical thing I need to deal with.

Sometimes it’s not clear what the next action step is, so I challenge myself to break it down into baby steps. For example, if I’ve written “buy materials for my creative project”, I’d probably be able to chunk it down into smaller pieces like “decide on the medium”, “write a list of what I’ll need”, “research the best place to purchase”, etc. I keep asking myself, “Can I break this down any further?”

Next, I write down the first, tiniest step on a post-it note and stick it somewhere obvious. And I hide the rest of my list from myself until I’ve done it.

No confusion. No overwhelm.

When it’s done, I pull out the list again and move onto the next thing.

Where in your life are you feeling overwhelmed? Could a simple “hide everything but the next step” be helpful for you?

Let me know if you give it a try.