09/29/2026
A friend of mine recommended shapewear for professional events. "It smooths everything out," she said. "You'll love it," she said.
So I did my research and ordered some online. When it arrived, I pulled it out of the package and thought, "There is absolutely no way a grown woman fits into this." It looked like a child's wrestling singlet.
But somehow, with enough determination and questionable breathing techniques, I got into it.
Fast forward to a business workshop. I'm dressed up, looking professional, and feeling confident. Then nature called.
Now, the shapewear had one of those little "convenient" openings that is supposedly designed so women don't have to remove the garment in the washroom. Supposedly.
I got into the stall, gave myself an internal pep- talk, and my brain immediately said, "Absolutely not. We are not trusting that." I froze
I had actually done a practice run at home once. I even lined the entire area with toilet paper like I was building a safety barrier around a construction zone because I didn't trust the engineering.
So there I was, trying to navigate restrictive dress pants, a dress shirt, a blazer, and what I now refer to as demon shapewear. I attempted to trust the opening, mistakes were made. Splashing started
I panicked, stopped halfway through my stream, and decided the entire operation needed to be abandoned.
Now I'm trying to wriggle out of my pants. The pants catch on my shoes. It's hot outside and I start sweating which make the shapeware stick tighter
As I'm wrestling myself out of this garment, I lose my footing and slam into the stall wall with a loud THUMP.
A voice immediately comes from the next stall. "Hey- are you okay in there?" My response “ I’m good, all good, so good”
Eventually, I managed to escape the shapewear completely. My clothes were scattered around the stall floor. I was finally able to use the washroom in peace. Naked
Then came the second challenge: putting everything back on. Twenty minutes later, I returned to the workshop.
My friend leaned over and whispered, "Where in the world were you? You were gone for a very long time."
I smiled politely and said, "We'll talk later., now is not the time"
