Your Communication Matters Inc.

03/15/2024

This week I attended by Zoom, the sentencing in the Supreme Court of a former family friend who stole over $420,000 from his friends, family, and neighbors including over $18,000 from my parents. He plead guilty to 66 charges and is now in jail.

I am sharing this for a few reasons. First, those of you who have accompanied me on this 2-year journey of suing this man in small claims court and advocating for my parents and other victims may be curious about the ending.

Secondly, although this ugly experience was an emotional roller coaster, time consuming, and had a price tag, I learned a lot from it. In an Organizational Mindfulness session recently, I was reminded that having gratitude helps us to be happy and healthy. Bad things happen and we suffer, but what we focus on after the experiences impacts our lives even more than the events. I choose to recognize what I learned and gained rather that what I lost.

So, the outcome first: Lowell Oakes, a former funeral director in rural Prince Edward Island (PEI, Canada) plead guilty to not placing clients’ money for pre-arranged funerals in trust as legally and contractually outlined in 66 cases over more than 20 years.

He was sentenced to 2 years less 1 day custody, which will be served in a correctional centre on PEI. Following his release from custody, he will be on Probation for a period of 18 months. Another highlight of the sentencing is the restitution orders for him to pay back the victims. It was mentioned that although he will probably be unable to compensate the victims, this will dampen his ability to reap the benefits of his crimes of 20 years.

Now for the shiny side. I am leaving this experience with more confidence, a slightly better understanding of the judicial system (from almost nothing to eyes open a bit), and positives experiences with the media.

Here is why:

- I had the opportunity to use the communication skills that I have studied, developed, and teach as a seminar facilitator. Interestingly, the most challenging and spicy moments within this case are those that I am most proud of which left me feeling confident in my abilities. Tough, but worth it.

- Also, I had the opportunity to speak with the media so people will be aware of this situation and avoid being conned in similar situations by trusted friends and community members. Thanks Laura Meader with CBC. You are incredibly kind and great at making people feel comfortable in front of a camera.

- A lesson learned is: Trust But Verify. (A proverb made famous by former US President Ronald Reagan.) A handshake and contract are great, but if the expectation is your money is going into a trust, contact the financial institution to get the paperwork. Don’t be shy. They may be a friend, but this is business.

- Finally, I also had the opportunity to see the justice system at work. Hopefully I will not need this knowledge in the future, yet it was fascinating (and occasionally frustrating) to watch the formalities, the active listening, the exchanges of ideas and opinions, and the whole process.

In summary, bad things happen and we often can't change them. We do get to decide how we respond to them and what we focus on after. My thoughts are to feel the pain, lick your wounds, decide what is most important, do your best, and focus on what you learned or gained from it. Also, remember to trust BUT verify especially with friends and money.

06/16/2023

06/16/2023

Have you ever been in the situation where you questioned why something happened? That happened to me this morning. I was disappointed because my plans for the next four days have fallen through due to an issue with a flight.

As I was walking my dog and looking for the silver lining, I ran into a neighbor. We had a great discussion about what happens when things don't work out the way we expected.

I shared with him my belief that I think the universe has a plan. We just don't always know what it is. He agreed and he added that sometimes we keep our narrow focus of the situation, and we end up missing all of the ideas and perspectives of the broader situation. The universe helps and supports us when we're paying attention.

I started to think about how sometimes it's easier to stay disappointed and keep our narrow perspective. It's healthier when we actually interrupt and adjust our perspective so that we see what's outside of our original expectations.

My questions for me, for you, and for everyone are: When do you stay disappointed, frustrated, or even angry because you keep your narrow focus of the situation? What would happen if you stepped back to look objectively at the situation and see the opportunities and options that exist outside of the current scope?
I think we would have more options an
d we'd be happier. Let me know what you think in the comments.

06/02/2023

Meet People Where They Are

This morning when walking my elderly dog, Jude the Dude, he stopped in the middle of the sidewalk in front of 2 people on their way into a coffee shop.

I acknowledged them with a nod, a quick apology, and a comment that something must smell good right here.
As they walked around us, one person engaged in a pleasant yet brief banter with me while the other, did not make eye contact or show any response.

It struck me how unique or sometimes similar each person’s communication style can be. We are who we are at work, at home, and everywhere in between – like on the sidewalk.
If I worked side-by-side as a team member, as a leader, or as a direct report with these 2 people, I would potentially have very different relationships with each of them.

- We engage more easily, frequently, and confidently with people who have communication styles and interests similar to us.
- We feel more comfortable giving and receiving feedback or suggestions for improvement with people are who are like us.
- We consciously or unconscious can predict their responses, so we feel more confident and capable of having sensitive or challenging conversations.
To add to that, we are more apt to misinterpret, misunderstand, or be easily offended by what is said and done by people who have a communication style that is different than ours.

We use our style or lens to interpret their body language, tone, and words. We can be wrong.

The bottom line is that we risk misinterpreting what people are really saying and their intention unless we consider their communication style and recognize our biases and style preferences.

The solution is to develop the ability to meet people where they are rather then where we are. Conversations become easier, faster, and better.

How do you meet people where they are?

If you would like to discuss how to support leaders and teams to master the skill of adjusting their communication style to engage and empower, contact me – Debbie Matters.

And remember Your Communication Matters.

05/03/2023

Yes, the 3-year pandemic has caused young people to become meaner according to Mendes, an associate professor at the University of Western Ontario. Based on recent conversations with clients and participants in leadership seminars, the workplace has similar issues.

01/25/2022

I am pleased to receive my ICF ACC Credentials badge. Thanks CTI (CoActive Training Institute), ReciproCoach - especially Gaye Kuelsen, fellow coaching friends, and everyone who allows me to use my coaching skills.

Associate Certified Coach (ACC) Credential-holders are trained (60+ hours) and experienced (100+ hours) coaches. They have demonstrated knowledge and emerging proficiency in the application of the ICF Core Competencies, Code of Ethics, and definition of coaching. Earners show a commitment to high et...