04/02/2026
I still remember the moment I understood what a polite Japanese “no” looks like.
As part of the organising team of a school event I had shared an idea with someone from the technical team on site and asked for their support. He replied: “Muzukashii desu - It’s difficult.”
What did I do? I chose my German approach to difficulties: there must be a solution. We just have to find it. So I offered various ways on how to support the team, who else we could ask, how we could set it up, even asking what type of support they would need. To no avail. He kept on repeating that it was difficult, a slight panic building up in his eyes.
I was at a loss. How could someone be so resistant to my offer of support? If things are difficult we work together to make them happen.
He was at a loss. How could someone be so impertinent and not take no for an answer? How could this foreigner be so insensitive?
This is just one of many examples where my assumptions mislead me even though I would call myself pretty self-aware and very conscious of cultural differences. But we don’t know what we don’t know.
My take-away: Read as much as you can about the cultural norms of your team members, ask many more questions on how they see the world and how they like to do things. Be alert to moments of irritation, hesitation or awkward smiles - that’s your moment to pause and ask a question.
Do you have a similar experience to share? When did your assumption that we think alike mislead you?
Hello, I’m Heike Geiling, your Inclusive Leadership Expert and coach for leaders of diverse and international teams to bridge cultural gaps and improve performance, a certified intercultural trainer and founder of the Inclusive Leadership Alliance.
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