12/01/2026
💡 Rethinking Feedback in Leadership 💡
"Thanks for the Feedback" Douglas Stone & Sheila Heen (Harvard Negotiation Project) shares that:
📊 51% of employees say performance reviews are unfair or inaccurate.
😰 1 in 4 dreads them more than anything else at work.
💬 63% of executives admit managers lack courage and skill to have difficult feedback conversations.
Clearly, feedback is a challenge in many workplaces.
But why?
🔍 Key insights from the book:
🤝 Feedback is always coloured by the relationship between giver and receiver.
🧾Organisational culture are collections of implicit rules for “how we do things around here”. And everyone has their own individual set as well.
🦹♀️ We often see feedback with heroes and villains: one principle for how we organise our experiences is that we usually are the sympathetic hero of the story.
🫨 Strong emotions distort feedback. One comment becomes everything. Now becomes “always”.
🏷️ We often hear feedback as vague “labels” (“be more proactive”) instead of concrete observations or requests.
👬 In systems (teams, organisations), both sides contribute to problems. Blaming one player rarely fixes the whole.
🪴 Growth requires shifting from a fixed to a growth mindset — and sometimes setting healthy boundaries.
☘️ Cultivate a growth identity: don’t assume your traits are fixed and that you aren’t going to change.
💗 I personally think Marshall Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication (NVC) addresses feedback challenges in a complete, caring, and effective way with key principles:
🌍 Remember there’s a human being like you behind every action/ word: stop seeing enemies around you
✅ Never assume anything: check the other’s reality with each situation in the here and now
👓 Make Observations without judgment 👀: contrast actual facts with your interpretation
💗 Connecting to feelings and needs : your own interpretation of a situation generates a pleasant or unpleasant feeling. There’s always an important need behind
🎯 Make clear, specific requests
🌱 Mutual respect and care in the relationship : be aware of how you use your power (to create fear or connection)
🦋 Leaders who practice NVC can turn feedback from something feared into something that fosters trust, empathy, and real growth, with NVC empathic listening technique as a connection and growth pilar.
Leadership is not only about results — it’s about relationships. 🙌
And this is how the authors of Thanks for the Feedback end with:
“It’s all about the quality of the relationship, your willingness to show that you don’t have it all figured out, and to bring your whole self- flaws, and certainty and all -into the relationship.”
❓ How much do you focus on nurturing trust and care in your team when giving feedback?
👇 I'll read you in the comments below:)
