17/06/2026
One of the hardest management conversations I ever had was with someone who was genuinely a lovely person. I was in operational management at the time, not HR.
He cared. He worked hard. Nobody disliked him.
The problem was, he was unconsciously incompetent as a manager.
☹ He did not lead the team.
☹ He avoided setting clear objectives.
☹ Issues were left to drift instead of being dealt with.
☹ He said yes to everything, even when it created pressure, confusion, and frustration for his team and the wider business.
The difficult part was that he could not see it.
We tried the supportive approach first. Coaching. Gentle feedback. Encouragement. Different ways of explaining the impact his behaviour was having.
Nothing landed.
He was very self-assured and his self-confidence would not allow him to accept that the way he was managing needed to change.
Eventually I had to be far more direct than I usually was.
I was brutally honest about the reality of the situation.
😬How his avoidance affected the team.
😬How unclear leadership creates anxiety.
😬How wanting to be liked was stopping him from being effective.
He got upset.
That was never my intention and honestly, it did not feel good for me either.
But it became the breakthrough moment.
For the first time, he stopped defending himself and actually listened.
What happened afterwards completely changed my view on management development.
He became open and receptive to the coaching, he embraced all feedback on his development and in a fairly short space of time, he became a strong manager.
Sometimes people do not need protecting from difficult feedback. They need someone willing to care enough to tell them the truth clearly.
Handled properly, honest conversations can change careers.
