01/10/2024
I had been plagued with it for years... but not anymore!
Since my mum passed away when I was 17, I had a difficult relationship with food.
4 months of isolation in rural France grieving her, I turned to food to fill the giant gap she had left behind and I became bulimic.
Given that my family nickname from childhood was "the fat one" being a staggering 8st (half a stone heavier than my 2 older sisters), my weight had always been on my mind.
I put on a stone and my mental health spiralled into a dark place.
Over the years, I have tried every diet, painstakingly loosing a few pounds here and there.
More importantly, my relationship with food remained toxic. Food was still a comfort and I hated myself for heading to the cookie jar whenever morale was low.
If you know me personally, you are probably thinking "Helene, you're kidding me!, You don't have a weight problem". And you are right, I had a food relationship problem.
3 times, I felt really happy in my body and in my life. The birth of my 2 kids and months of lovingly breastfeeding them gave me a body to be proud of. The last time was when I first met my second husband and soulmate. For a few years, being loved for who I was, filled that gap.
But the routine set in, life challenges eroded the healing effects and the toxic relationship was back.
I bought this pinstripe suit when I was at the start of yet another diet thinking it would motivate me.
Needless to say, it didn't work... and I didn't wear it for years...
Until today!
What's different?
I have solved my problem relationship with food and I fit in the suit!
What did I do differently?
𝟮 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀
I worked for the last year on loving myself for who I am, but not in a narcissist way.
I have learnt to give myself unconditional love for everything that I am, everything that I have done or not done, every success and failure. I have forgiven myself and accepted who I am wholeheartedly.
And I have found an accountability partner who I trust and who trusts me. She has helped me rebuild my relationship with food by giving my body what it needs, not what my mind asked for.
-love