All About Intimacy

01/01/2023

21/12/2022

QUALITY TIME - What does it mean? It refers to one of the 5 Love Languages that Gary Chapman mapped out for how love gets translated into tangible ways in our daily lives.

Basically, it’s one way that love becomes REAL to us.

It’s characterized by those times when we’re not multi-tasking, and our attention is dedicated in connection to one person or a small group. It can even happen on our own when we tune-in and focus on a single activity that we enjoy. When it's with others, the experience includes connecting through eye contact, facial expressions and body language that reflect a relaxed openness toward each other.

It doesn’t have to involve words, as long as the silence is natural and enjoyable. It sometimes includes sounds, like whistling, humming, or singing.

If it does include words, they come from a place of presence rather than reactivity. Laughter and playfulness are common, but tears and stillness can also show up when the nervous system begins to wind down from the achieving pace of life.

How does quality time work in your life and your important relationships?

Do you schedule it or end up putting it off because it feels like there’s never enough time for it?

Do you hope for it to happen and do it only when there’s time left over in the day or week after all the more important things are done?

What if you made a deliberate choice to consistently create dedicated time and space for focused attention between you and your partner/spouse, your child or a friend?

One night a week or one weekend a month dedicated to having a fresh experience with each other that builds closeness and makes new memories.

There's no perfect recipe; just pick any activity that helps your busy mind to become more present ... listening to music together; talking about why you love those songs and singing along; lighting candles or building a fire to soften the mood; reading to each other; cooking and eating a meal together; dancing and being playful or romantic; giving and receiving touch; going for a leisurely walk where you can hold hands; sharing about your dreams; looking at each other and listening with undivided attention.

Space to listen to each other is a big part of quality time. When listening is done from a generous place, with responsive engagement, from a relaxed nervous system state where patience and curiosity can flow naturally, this can sometimes quench our deep thirst for quality connection like nothing else can.

What if you made quality time your New Years resolution? Renewing your commitment to be deliberate about bringing your focused attention to your relationship with each other and yourself.

This time next year, you could be experiencing more love, closeness, connection, understanding, partnership, emotional security, adventure, discovery, intimacy and joy than you’ve ever imagined… if you created the quality time for these seeds to take root and grow.

So that you don’t have to get to the end of your life and realize only then that not creating more quality time - to enjoy being you, doing what you love, and pouring your love into those who matter most - is your biggest regret.

In her book, The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, Bronnie Ware recorded the key regrets that she heard (as a palliative care nurse) from people who were in their final 12 weeks of life.

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life that others expected of me.

2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

Every one of these regrets revolves around the wish to have made quality time a higher priority. None of us know how much time we get to enjoy our one precious life, which makes NOW the only time that matters.

How could you become a better guardian of your time so that you can gain back the generosity of your time and attention?

Because that’s where your love gets to feel real and make a difference - through the generosity of your time and attention being directed in purposeful ways that nourish and uplift both you and others.

This is the support that we provide with Intimacy Mentoring. All you have to do is take the first step and schedule a complimentary Clarity Call, so you can meet us and discover how it's possible to reset your life and relationship with a focus on quality time.

What if you could learn to be a confident leader in your relationship world, passionately and intentionally engaged in creating the quality of connection you want?

We're here to help you succeed.

Happy Holidays to you from me & Dan 💕

05/12/2022

As we’re moving through our Supercharge Your Relationship Intimacy program, as usual, we can’t help but to apply what we’re teaching to our own experience.
This current week is all about how we process our emotions and how our differences can unintentionally compete with each other, causing breakdowns in connection and closeness.
That’s understandable because it’s an area of life where most of us carry a heavy dose of conditioning (other people’s ideas of how we should be and what we should do to fit in and belong).
What I’ve been learning is definitely something that my inner critic believes I should have already sorted out. I don't pay this voice too much attention because I believe that all lessons come at the right time and often they are deeper lessons on things that take a lifetime to master.
This last week I’ve become super aware of how difficult my emotional relationship is to worry and anxiety. My go-to strategy has been to do my best to avoid them by getting distracted.
This brings a challenge to my relationship because I have been getting too far out of touch with Stephanie, leaving her feeling abandoned amidst the withdrawal of my attention. Thankfully, I started to notice it after several days and reached out to talk about how I was feeling.
It helps enormously to have a partner to talk to, someone who will hold me as “good” in spite of how it all feels inside of me. Her holding space for me reminds me that I have the courage to activate my own inner source of approval and compassion.
It’s sobering to realise that what feels like a large tangle of worries is actually a sneaky strategy for me to avoid looking at the things that are really important to me, because they become hidden inside all the noise.
I got the chance to notice that I can get more worried about being worried than anything else! It always feels easier when I start talking about things and letting myself be supported and can recognize that I’m struggling.
I’m actually learning that worry and anxiety (like all my emotions) are messengers that show up to let me know something in my world feels ‘off’. Keeping my emotions trapped inside can result in me pushing people away, which robs me of the support I need when I need it most.
I hope this inspires you to consider your own relationship to emotions that are challenging for you to feel, work with, or listen to. And encourages you to extend an extra dose of understanding and compassion for the special people in your life who have their own unique way to relate to their emotions.
SUPERCHARGE YOUR RELATIONSHIP INTIMACY
We're getting great feedback from our current group about how the infusion of Human Design is helping them to promote deeper intimacy and understanding in their important relationships!
Our next round will begin at the end of January. We’re currently offering a £50 discount off the price – which is valid until December 11th.
Use the code ’50-OFF’ to get the special price.
We’d love your support in sharing this opportunity if you know of anyone who could benefit from our support. And please reach out if you have questions!

17/11/2022

Something happened to me a few days ago that I think is a fascinating example of how easy it is to unintentionally derail our important connections by acting on our unchecked assumptions.
I woke up to Stephanie moving around the room. I could hear her fiddling with a few things, and then she opened the curtains. My mind was still cloudy and sleepy, and the first thought that popped into my head was: “What on earth is she doing? It’s only 3am!”
I checked on the time, so I could protest against her apparent madness, and all I could see was :47. 

That didn’t help much, so I assumed that it must be either 2.47 or 3.47am. However, as my mind began to come more online, a voice in my head reminded me about one of our key connection principles that we're both dedicated to practicing as often as possible: Remember to give them the benefit of the doubt.
I slowly realised that it was quite unlikely that Stephanie would be getting up and opening the curtains in the middle of the night, and perhaps my assumption of it being 3am was more likely the error.
.
As I soon discovered, it was actually 7.47am, and we had overslept! And I was the one who had turned off the alarm and fallen back to sleep… and Stephanie was doing exactly what she was meant to be doing to get us up and around. 

I know that when I'm tired, it's easier to make assumptions. But there are plenty of other states (stressed, in a hurry, frustrated, hungry, lonely) that could always give me an excuse to operate from the 'certainty' of my assumptions if I wasn't committed to the practice of giving the benefit of the doubt.
My assumptions had led me into a state of annoyance. If I had pursued this path without pausing to choose which voice in my head to listen to, I could have easily instigated an unnecessary argument that would have been based on the false certainty of my assumptions. Even though it wasn't intentional, my assumptions weren't focused on considering Stephanie’s feelings and weren't aimed at noticing the love that was being expressed in her actions.

Assumptions and false certainties are constantly at play in every relationship. One of the commitments we've made to ourselves and each other is to be in the practice of remembering to give the benefit of the doubt - and to give it as generously as we can muster. It's definitely not easy, even when I'm awake, but it's proven itself to be a game-changer in our connection time and time again.
This practice starts with an acknowledgment: “I’m assuming that… [you did this because / you meant this]” – and ends with: "Is that true?”
Or, like in my experience the other morning, it can look like pausing to verify the facts before jumping in and making accusations.
By the way, we ended up enjoying a day of closeness and collaboration - on that day where we could have easily descended into tension, confusion, and struggle with each other over an imagined misunderstanding that might have eroded our closeness and trust.
In our Human Design infused relationship program, Supercharge Your Relationship Intimacy, and also in our private mentoring, you’ll learn about the common areas where benefit-of-the-doubt helps you to build a more secure foundation in your relationships (romantic, family, friendship, business partnership). We’ll guide you in the successful implementation of this and many other life-changing connection practices.
You can start your training anytime, and get access to our live support when the next round of calls begin - January 2023. See more details below.

16/10/2022

Whenever Dan & I start designing a new relationship program, it always happens that old and new connection challenges get stirred up, as if to give us plenty of chances to practice what we’re about to teach. It’s like starting a new fitness routine in preparation for the marathon ahead!

Tension had been creeping into our connection for a few days, so we decided to start our day with a long walk on the beach to give ourselves some space to be curious about what our differences were showing us.

We had just spent time socializing with others over the weekend, and we were seeing our shared experience from different perspectives that weren’t matching each other’s view. Through the lens of Human Design, we knew this was a conversation about ‘the Self’ - one of the nine aspects that make up our ‘unique intimacy blueprint’. In this area of connection, Dan operates from an ‘open Self’ and me from a ‘defined Self'.

For example, as we socialize, Dan has a flexible, open nature where he's like a beautiful chameleon who loves to try on the variety of expressions and interactions that different people bring into his world. If I use the analogy of a buffet table full of food to represent socializing, Dan would enjoy filling his plate with a helping of every taste that was on offer.

My socializing nature is more fixed than flexible, which means mixing and mingling isn’t that enjoyable for me. My radar searches out rapport and resonance. If I can’t find it with others, then I’m naturally drawn to seek it from myself - which can seem anti-social at times. At this imaginary buffet table, I would gravitate to the tastes that I loved, and if nothing felt intriguing, I just wouldn't eat anything.

It would be easy for Dan to judge my ‘defined Self’ as lacking warmth & friendliness = openness. I could easily judge his ‘open Self’ as lacking depth & focus = definition. What’s true is that we're both 'designed' with different sensitivities to different connection needs - like differently-shaped puzzle pieces that are essential for seeing the whole picture of connection.

Variety (openness) and certainty (definition) are both remarkable ways for the Self to express its love to others and to also take in love from others = to love and be loved.

This is what we’ll be practicing in ✨Supercharge Your Relationship Intimacy✨. It’s a Human Design infused relationship study with an intention to help you create more quality connection and closeness in your life with whoever you’re craving a stronger sense of partnership with. Maybe it's with your spouse or romantic partner, a close friend, with a parent, your sibling, or your child, or in an important relationship where you collaborate together.

We’re inviting you into the practice of celebrating the uniqueness and goodness of how each of us needs to love and be loved.

You can take this 12-week journey on your own or with your important person. You can even focus on your connection with a past relationship or deceased loved one - anywhere you want to experience more acceptance of what is or what was.

We’ll be showing you how to access ‘higher ground’ to see your connection challenges from a clearer perspective, so you can be more successful in the practice of transforming closure into closeness. This practice is about learning how to open to your humanness and find beauty in what you see there, within and in those around you.

We have space for a few more people to join the group that starts on Monday, Oct 31st. If you want more details about this or our next group beginning Sunday, Jan 15th, you can reach out to either of us.

We’d love for you to join us if this is your time to say ‘yes’ to building better connection, closeness, and understanding with the people who matter most in your life.

20/09/2022

For many years, we've been using the framework of Human Design to help us see our relationship dynamics more clearly and to continue building the strength of our connection.

We’ve even brought this lens into our intimacy mentoring work with others, which has helped many people to embrace more of who they are and to build a better relationship container for their connection needs.

The bottom line is that you are either learning and growing through your relationships, or you are unintentionally creating pressure on yourself & others due to the expectations you have about how you think things should be.

The intimacy framework we use translates your ’design roadmap’ into what we call your ✨Unique Intimacy Blueprint✨ - it's like discovering that you & your relationships have an operating manual with loads of tips that can brighten and deepen your connection experience!

If you want to create more connection and closeness in your important relationships, then JOIN US for 🔥Supercharge Your Relationship Intimacy🔥 to learn helpful tools and new ideas for how you can do that!

By the way, you can do this journey on your own or with one of your important people. We’ll be looking at intimacy in all its forms: romantic, family (child, parent, sibling), close friendship or business partnership.

Check it out via the link in the comments below.

20/03/2022

Most conflicts are based in misunderstood love. Make an effort to grow more capable of LEANING IN to the vulnerability of showing your love and speaking your love in the raw and honest way it lives inside you. Your love makes a difference 💝 to the people who need to receive it. Dare to lean in and make a difference! 🔥

02/03/2022

"Secure attachment is always there, just waiting to be uncovered, recalled, practiced, and expressed. We might lose access to it from time to time, but we never lose our inherent capacity for secure attachment. Over time, we can also learn to embody secure attachment more naturally so that when we get stressed or triggered by something in our lives, we don’t automatically follow the insecurely attached thoughts, feelings, and actions that don’t serve us well.

As we familiarize ourself more with secure attachment, our relationships become easier and more rewarding—we’re less reactive, more receptive, more available for connection, healthier, and much more likely to bring out the securely attached tendencies in others."

YAY 🤩 IT'S ALL TRUE!!! 🎉 We are experiencing these changes every day, in ourselves, with each other, and in others who are making their secure attachment practice a priority. 🔥

("The Power of Attachment" - Diane Poole Heller)