BrandCorp

BrandCorp At BrandCorp™ We are a host of highly agile cyber-sharks providing you (the consumer) with consolatory goods and services. Liquid injection of capitalization!

Things that you can buy and pay us money. The only way is Ethics: We Do Buisness Good. BrandCorp™ is at the forefront of Late Stage Capitalism. Whether it dynamically exploiting our workers and denying them basic rights or bribing politicians and governing entities for favourable legislation. BrandCorp™ cares. We are heavily invested in care futures. We care about the development of the Cayman Isl

ands and we also care about wearing suits made of human skin while making vacuous platitudes about vertical intergration and bluesky optimized think-storming. Synergy For All™

This year BrandCorp is excited to announce it's new cash for honours list where you too can be KnightedFor the bargain p...
01/01/2023

This year BrandCorp is excited to announce it's new cash for honours list where you too can be Knighted

For the bargain price of £8.99 GBP or £10.85 USD you can an official corporate knight of the BrandCorp order just PM us with your preferred payment method and what you would like to be knighted for.

God save the Synergy

Staff announcement one of our majority shareholders recently suffered a serious concussion opening a tin of Synergy. As ...
27/12/2022

Staff announcement one of our majority shareholders recently suffered a serious concussion opening a tin of Synergy. As a result he is currently struggling to remember everyone's job role at the company and may need reminding.

Silly Rishi if he came to our office more often he would know that at BrandCorp all of our homeless staff "work in busin...
24/12/2022

Silly Rishi if he came to our office more often he would know that at BrandCorp all of our homeless staff "work in business." That is why we are a multi dollar company.

Invest in BrandCorp this Xmas

We regret to inform you that after a cowardly display by our unpaid interns the auditors made it to the accounting floor...
23/12/2022

We regret to inform you that after a cowardly display by our unpaid interns the auditors made it to the accounting floor. Despite a valiant last stand by jerry in marketing where he killed 3 men with a stapler BrandCorp now has to pay corporation tax. After the standardised series of bribes blackmailing and legal intimidation the company has had to pay an extortionate $27. The honest billionaire CEO just can't get ahead in today's socialist dystopia!

Attention loyal employees IRS auditors are inbound prepare to repel borders!Cyanide pills are under your desk. We expect...
23/12/2022

Attention loyal employees IRS auditors are inbound prepare to repel borders!

Cyanide pills are under your desk. We expect every employee to lay down their life for minimum wage.

Today is 'bring a sandwich to work day' eat a sandwich at your desk and we will only dock your pay by 50% for lost produ...
26/11/2022

Today is 'bring a sandwich to work day' eat a sandwich at your desk and we will only dock your pay by 50% for lost productivity fines. Now that is some Synergy you can get delivered straight to your door.

BrandCorp is sad to announce the death of the former head of state of Barbados. Thoughts and prayers to her accountants ...
08/09/2022

BrandCorp is sad to announce the death of the former head of state of Barbados. Thoughts and prayers to her accountants in the Cayman islands during this difficult time

STAFF ANNOUNCEMENT Could whoever it is who keeps peeing in Brian in marketing's Coffee please stop. Last week Brian was ...
10/06/2022

STAFF ANNOUNCEMENT Could whoever it is who keeps peeing in Brian in marketing's Coffee please stop. Last week Brian was in tears when someone removed an aborted foetus from his sandwich in the break room refrigerator and replaced it with a slice of Ham with cheese.

While we appreciate workplace bullying this is unbecoming for an executive of Brian's stature. HR have decided to cancel all employee bathroom breaks until this is resolved.

All hail the synergy

Today is an exciting day corporate has decided to implement granular networks.To do this we need to cascade memos about ...
09/06/2022

Today is an exciting day corporate has decided to implement granular networks.

To do this we need to cascade memos about our systemised management resources. The company needs to rapidiously redefine world-class storage in a way that appropriately coordinate resource-maximizing scenarios.

This is why we are a multi dollar company.

STAFF ANNOUNCEMENT Karen in HR will be performing her one woman burlesque show titled "A little taste of flesh" at 10 am...
07/06/2022

STAFF ANNOUNCEMENT Karen in HR will be performing her one woman burlesque show titled "A little taste of flesh" at 10 am in the 3rd floor conference room.
The performance explores the inner turmoil of a lone HR executive as she reconciles the company's vertical integration policy with her own appetite for advancement. Attendance is mandatory

🎉CONGRATULATIONS LINDA 🎉We are excited to announce that Linda in procurement gave birth today at 11.00 on the 5th floor....
27/05/2022

🎉CONGRATULATIONS LINDA 🎉

We are excited to announce that Linda in procurement gave birth today at 11.00 on the 5th floor. Linda would like to thank all the staff involved and said "this achievement was only made possible by the company cancelling maternity leave" 👶

Linda's child "Blue-Sky-Thinking Junior" weighed a healthy 5 pounds, 8 ounces. And was quickly dispatched to HR for induction to receive an employee badge and payroll number.

Blue-Sky-Thinking Junior welcome to the BrandCorp family

All employee bathroom breaks are now cancelled

We are very excited to be the official corporate partner of Kernow Transformed Festival where we will be running our int...
26/05/2022

We are very excited to be the official corporate partner of Kernow Transformed Festival where we will be running our interactive Synergy RPG

Address

Brighton

Website

Alerts

Be the first to know and let us send you an email when BrandCorp posts news and promotions. Your email address will not be used for any other purpose, and you can unsubscribe at any time.

Shortcuts

Share