30/09/2026
What happens inside you when you see another woman shining?
I’ve been thinking about this after watching Kylie Minogue’s AFL Grand Final performance.
I hadn’t actually watched it live. It was the comments afterwards that made me go and find it - people criticising her voice, her clothes, her dancing, her age, her performance.
And I thought…FFS! Seriously?
Here is a woman who has spent decades representing Australia on a global stage.
From Neighbours to an incredible international career, Kylie has entertained millions of people.
And at 58, she’s still getting up there, being seen, performing and taking up space.
You don’t have to like her music.
You don’t have to like what she wore. You don’t even have to think it was a particularly good performance.
But why do we so quickly move from “that wasn’t for me” to tearing the woman herself apart?
And perhaps more importantly, why are women so often doing it to other women?
We talk a lot about misogyny, but perhaps not enough about the ways women can unconsciously internalise it too.
Because we’ve all grown up surrounded by messages about how a woman is supposed to be.
Be attractive - but don’t be vain.
Be successful - but don’t get above yourself.
Be confident.. but don’t be intimidating.
Have an opinion... but don’t be difficult.
Age gracefully... but somehow don’t look old.
Stand out... but not so much that you make anyone uncomfortable.
And sometimes, without even realising it, we start enforcing those rules on one another.
She’s too old for that.
She’s trying too hard.
She loves herself.
She’s too loud.
She’s too much.
Who does she think she is?
And I think there’s something worth examining in that.
Because sometimes judgement is simply judgement.
But sometimes there’s something underneath it.
Comparison.
Competition.
Insecurity.
Scarcity.
Jealousy.
Our own fear of being seen.
And in Australia, of course, there’s also that familiar tall poppy syndrome - we love watching someone rise, but sometimes seem equally enthusiastic about cutting them back down again.
So perhaps there’s a more interesting question we could ask ourselves:
What happens in my heart when another woman shines?
Can I celebrate her without comparing myself to her?
Can I admire something in her without it making me question something in me?
Can I watch another woman be successful, beautiful, confident, outspoken, different, ageing, visible or completely herself ...and let her have it?
Because another woman’s light takes absolutely nothing away from ours.
Her success doesn’t diminish yours.
Her beauty doesn’t make you less beautiful
Her confidence doesn’t make you less powerful.
And her taking up space doesn’t mean there’s less space available for you.
There is room for all of us.
And this isn’t another stick to beat ourselves with.
We’ve all judged.
We’ve all compared.
We’ve all absorbed conditioning that we probably don’t even realise we’re carrying.
The work is noticing it.
So perhaps next time that little judgement pops up, get curious before joining in.
What is this really about?
Is this genuinely about her?
Or has something in her triggered something in me?
Could I choose admiration instead of comparison?
Curiosity instead of criticism?
Could I simply think:
Good on you, sister! Keep going.
Because I’ve been in enough rooms full of women to know what female judgement and competition feels like.
And it irks the s**t out of me because I know what we’re capable of instead.
Women need women.
We need our villages.
Women who celebrate us when things go well.
Women who don’t need us to make ourselves smaller.
Women who remind us who we are when we forget.
Women who make it safe for us to be fully ourselves.
And we need to be those women too.
So let’s raise the bar.
Let’s stop believing another woman needs to dim her light for ours to shine brighter.
Celebrate the woman who is brave enough to be seen.
Celebrate the woman doing things differently.
Celebrate the woman who is successful.
Celebrate the woman who is ageing and still taking up space.
Celebrate the woman who refuses to disappear.
Come back to each other, sisters.
And the next time another woman shines, perhaps instead of searching for what’s wrong with her…
let her light remind you of your own. 💛
As Aretha Franklin and Annie Lennox reminded us all those years ago:
Sisters are doing it for themselves.
And if something in this has made you recognise your own internal dialogue - the beliefs, judgements or old conditioning quietly shaping how you see yourself and what you believe is possible for you —- that’s exactly the kind of work we explore in my Heal Your Life® retreats and coaching.
Because so often it isn’t the outside world that ultimately holds us back.
It’s what we’ve learned to believe about ourselves because of it.
And those beliefs can be changed through observation and awareness. ❤️
Photo credit: Alto Saxo Getty Images
