Solutions HQ Ltd

11/05/2017

Dating agency Match opened a coffee shop where it was 3D printing the face of singles on the foam of your latte. Match called the event “expresso yourself”

12/10/2016

You can tell a good photocopier engineer by the way they handle their tools and equipment. If they can’t find them, that’s a definite fail.

15/08/2016

New Zealand man tries to sell............” Evil HP Wireless Printer (possessed)”

He starts his advert on Trade.me.co.nz with:
“Words cannot express how much I hate this printer. It never works when I need it to - it's like it knows when I have to urgently print something. It randomly decides if it wants to work wirelessly or not. And scanning wirelessly? Forget about it!”

He goes on to say:
“So here's the deal you must come and collect it. If you twist my arm I might mail you the ink cartridges but only if the price is right.

Also if you, like me, think that Hewlett Packard makes the worst printers in the history of technology then I will SMASH this piece of sub-standard feculence into a million pieces on your behalf and send you a tiny bit of it for your collection. I will also post a video of the smashing to YouTube so you and all your friends can enjoy watching it get what's coming to it.

However, if you want to come and get it that's fine as well I guess - but be warned with this printer also comes its terrible curse.”

The advert clearly worked, as the printer has now been sold.

22/07/2016

I was thinking of starting a photocopier version of Pokémon Go

My dream is that office based people could get out into the sunshine once in a while to battle a Minolta, grow a Canon or train a Ricoh.

If you are struggling with your unruly photocopier, we at Solutions HQ Ltd are masters at supplying and re-training all breeds of copier.

06/07/2016

There is enough copper in a photocopier to make a trumpet – and someone has.

By Iain Sherwood, Jul 6 2016 10:09AM

There’s about five pounds of salvageable copper inside your typical photocopier (mostly in the power supply and the motor’s copper windings). Copper, that can be mixed with zinc to create brass. Brass, that can be shaped out to make a trumpet. It’s the circle of life!

These photocopiers are taken apart and recomposed into brass trumpets. Each machine has 5 pounds of salvageable copper that can be reused. ...

28/06/2016

I WANT A POODLE FERRET! Ferrets on steroids sold as poodles.
By Iain Sherwood, Jun 28 2016 08:33AM

Thinking of buying a poodle? make sure you check it isn’t a ferret on steroids, like some that were sold in Argentina.

A couple of dog lovers thought they were getting toy poodles but found they had been sold drug-enhanced ferrets.
Tricked owners did not immediately notice they had not received what they ordered, with one man from Catamarca in Argentine only found out he had a ferret after taking his angry pooch to the vets.

Buying a photocopier should be much less challenging, but watch out for a Canon on Crack or a Crazy looking Konica

22/06/2016

What do you call your printer or copier – The artist formally known as Prints?
By Iain Sherwood, Jun 22 2016 09:38AM

Keeping it on a musical theme, some of the best names given by users of photocopiers and printers have been:

M.C. Jammer

Print Charmin

Lionel Richie (stuck on you)

Bob Marley

Grandmaster Crash

And of course, The artist formally known as Prints
I you’ve got a name for yours, please let us know.

13/06/2016

I loved the one where a guy walks out of his castle and a gargoyle crushes his head. Someone else was beaten to death with a photocopier I think.

16/05/2016

Police pretend photocopier is a lie detector…. And it works!

Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania in the U.S. interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth.

Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.

09/09/2015

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11/11/2014

The Australian Customs and Border Protection Service intercepted the offending cartridges at a Sydney airport and found them to be filled with around 7 kilograms of methamphetamine instead of toner.

The officers spotted white powder and immediately realised that something suspicious might be going on – after all, there’s not much call for white ink.

Once they had established that they had stumbled upon a major drug smuggling, they arranged for four of the boxes to be delivered to their intended recipient.

That led to the arrest of a 27-year-old woman in Melbourne, who we can assume had no requirements for white ink.

You can’t help thinking that dealing in actual, legitimate printer ink cartridges would have been easier and more profitable.

16/06/2014

On 8th February 2014 former Australian prime minister Kevin Rudd ended his political career. The Australian Financial Review quoted a report by Dr Carmel Harrington on “presenteeism”. Which said, Rudd exhibited all the classic hallmarks of sleep deprivation, such as irritability, indecision and being quick to anger. “You can spot them a mile away because they are the ones who kick the photocopier when it doesn’t work,” she says. So there you have it.
Photocopier kickers have no place in a civilised society, send them home!