11/12/2022
Dear customers,
If the doorman asks you for ID don't roll your eyes, tut, sigh, laugh or say "really?", especially when you've just turned 19 and fresh out of your A-Levels.
The smoking area is outside, it has been since 2007, stop asking.
If you're in a queue to get in, don't ask "how long will it be?" or comment on people leaving or commenting on it 'being a joke'. All this does is slow down your chances of getting in.
Your dad isn't a solicitor.
Don't give us life advice when your Mum still does your washing.
When we say "can you take your drink inside" we mean INSIDE. Not "can I just put it...?" "Can I just leave it with you?". INSIDE, back through the doors you've just come through.
Don't give us a friend's ID and try and convince us it's you. You're not 35.
Calling your Mum doesn't constitute confirmation of age.
Don't ask for a friend's or fake ID back, oddly enough you won't get it back. Welcome to the reality of consequences.
Don't look down your nose at us like we are s**t, when you're the one wearing Fila moon boots and doing a degree in sport fashion with a bag of Ketamine in your pocket.
If you're being searched, trust me it's not because we want to touch you, you probably look like you're off your t**s. And no, you can't have your drugs back.
If you're asked to leave... Leave, it's easier on everyone.
If you're knocked back at the door take it on the chin and go elsewhere. Don't stand there for 20 minutes trying to convince us to let you in whilst saying the venue is "s**t anyway" and we are di*****ds.
If your friend is refused at the door don't say "it's ok, they're with me"... 'Cause basically, who the f**k are you?
Don't ask us where your friends are, we don't know who they are... And we don't care.
Don't ask when a venue gets busy, we aren't psychic.
Don't walk in to the venue and moan it's dead when you've literally just watched us open the door.
Don't say "safe" or "blessed", you sound like a f***y. Talk like an adult.
You're wrong, we don't have to give you a reason not to let you in.
You don't know your rights.
If you try and punch us, you will get hit back. Again, welcome to the world of adult consequences.
Your dad still isn't a solicitor.
Don't walk in to a venue moaning about it, no one has a gun to your head. Feel free to go back home to your Pot Noodle.
Generally, just be polite. We are stood on a door, in a busy venue, for not much more than minimum wage now. We get ourselves involved in the conflict of strangers when we really don't need to. We stop you from getting hurt by others and we are the first person you want when you're in trouble. We are physically and verbally abused most nights and have to put up with people who treat us like s**t. You wouldn't last a week doing our job, regardless of what you think. Just be nice... It isn't hard.
Oh, and your Filas still make you look special... And your dad still isn't a solicitor.
Regards,
Every door staff ever
