23/02/2024
Porridge.
I was around 3 years old, possibly just 4, when I was taken from my family and sent ‘away’.
All I can remember, was hard beds, wooden surroundings, sand dunes, crying every day, the feelings of insecurity and abandonment, AND PORRIDGE! Every day, porridge. And crying.
It was either the Ormerod Convalescent Home for Children or St Ediths, a Victorian brick ‘sanctuary’, in Lytham St Annes, Lancashire.
Back at home, I had been surrounded by 5 teenage siblings and my dad who was now a widower for the second time at age 48. Most of my friends today are at this age or above.
But back then, aged 3, the world was a scary place. Mum had died when I was just 13 months, dad was grieving, I had already been handed over to my aunt and uncle for a year and established a new bond with them before being unsurreptitiously removed by dad for reasons that were never revealed to me (the family often joke that dad was desperate for the child support money). How this breaking from a child’s primary caregiver affects young children and babies is only now being established. I had lost mine twice before the age of 3.
So then, aged 3, removed from my primary carer(s) and family, I was in a strange place, ominous, surrounded by strange people (probably nuns-not that I think nuns are especially strange, but to a three-year-old non-churchgoer they must’ve been strange) and every day - porridge!
I consider myself to be very lucky in that, despite many childhood, adversities, and early neuroses of self doubt, and feelings of inadequacy, I managed to be curious above all other characteristics. This curiosity, led me to psychology and to resolve much that got in the way of my conscious living.
Then, 10 years ago, I started to reflect on the shadow self and how my life’s results had both served me but had also cost me in their attainment. How my personality served me and also failed me. What was my Karma, my yin/yang? And what were the little messages, the reminders, the lingering memories that persisted in cropping up at apparently random times?
The great thing about wanton curiosity, is that it circumvents fears and closed minds and so just a few years back, I was introduced to the idea of porridge again (stay with me) by my beautiful friends Barry and Marina Collins. At that time, I had not had porridge since the age of 3. The thought of porridge made me feel sick.
But, the curiosity got the better of me. As a former psychotherapist and hypnotherapist, the idea of trying porridge with an open mind and being able to do so, focussing all my taste senses while clearing my associations really appealed to me and my deep sense of curiosity. More than any conditioned distaste I might have.
So, I tried porridge.
In the last 10 years, I’ve learned more about myself than in the previous 25. And it’s come about because instead of getting pi**ed off at life’s unfortunate events, I’ve taken a curious fascination in my thinking rather than the events themselves. This has been inspired by some great reads and some great people. (Thanks Dan Brulé)
And the porridge? I loved it. And since then, Sarka has introduced me to multi fruit porridge. I love it.
To get to the point where you’re unafraid to be human, unafraid to fail, and love the results no matter the outcome, takes time. I solved most of my conscious problems with NLP, conscious practice and a stack of study. For everything else, that’s where the work is, the hard work. Like lithium, first you have to find it, then you have to dig it up, then you have to process it, in order for its value to be realised, appreciated and utilised.
So now, I have porridge at least once a day and love it.
I still think about being in the dunes in Lytham St Annes and that place but I can enjoy porridge thoroughly and be curious about why that 3 year old me couldn’t.
The best five books that helped me get the insights that now lean into my programmes, especially those on the newly improved Cleansing and Purification Weekend and BreathPower are:
Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning.
Bruce Perry and Oprah Winfrey’s What Happened To You?
Gabor Maté’s, The Myth Of Normal
Bessel Van der Kolk’s , The Body Keeps The Score
Attached by Amir Levine & Rachel Heller
In every given moment, you can choose how you want to feel. I’m not trying to convince you to eat porridge (although if Scotts would like to send me some…) but if you find that there are some sticking points in your character, seek them out and check out a program for yourself. Ours are amazing, especially the FIT but if you have room for two programs, try Spiritdance with Peggy Dylan. Someone whose spirit lifts a room by walking in through the door.
Have a great weekend and make friends with your 3 year old selves today and if that means just playing and having fun, do it. You can return to maturity tomorrow.
Namaste
