24/12/2022
MESSAGE TO WATU WA BARA
WELCOME TO MOMBASA
Dear Kenyans who have come to Mombasa for the the holidays: You are most welcomed , plenty of water for all of you to swim.
1. Ugali is called Sima,
2. Pojo is green grams/dengu as you call them.
3. Kuna sambusa za nyama, viazi na pojo. so specify ama uliza.
4. Ukwaju is not pili pili , pilipili are raw chilies
5. Rice is wali , hatusemi mchele.
6. Mahamri IS NOT the same as mandazi , story za mandazi wachia Nairobi.
7. There are two types of bhajia. Bhajia za kawaida na bhajia za kihindi. The latter is smaller, dark brown and crunchy. Whatever you people call bhajia in Nairobi (Those potatoes with dhania) huwa hatuli huku.
8. Mombasa people are big on greetings and courtesy.
Shikamoo - greetings to a person way older than you. Around your parents age.
Marahaba - How you respond when a child says 'Shikamoo' to you.
Also Assaalam Aleikum which is not kiswahili. Its an Islamic greetings for 'Peace be upon you.'
Waaleikum Saalam is its response. This would get you a long way among Muslim folks.
If you are not sure on what greetings to use, a normal, 'Habari ya leo/asubuhi/jioni' works just fine,especially with people who provide services. Gets you better services too.
9. You can carry all your hot-pants, bikinis, b***y shorts and what not. You can slay all you want but please when going to town try and dress decently. Yes your dress your choice lakini siendi Old Town na mtu anakaa kahaba in the name of slayage. A summer dress would be just fine for town run around and errands. Trust me.
For the guys, vests si T-shirts. Please invest in a t-shirt or ask for sleeveless t-shirts fondly known as Kata kono. Leave the faded, ugly yellowish vests in Nairobi.
10. Public alcohol drinking is highly frowned upon so unless you are in a cab, a private residence, a tuktuk, carrying a mzinga and Beer cans is not considered hip or cool around here. You might actually find yourself on the receiving end of some not so pleasant words.
11. While you people might be big on boozing and clubbing, Mombasa people prefer chewing veve, khat (Ghati) on Fridays and Saturday after a long week. Huku hatusemi "kuchana" tunasema "kuambua"
Make arrangements to drink on your own from 4Pm to 12 midnight when most people tema and hit the club in Nairobi.
If you decide to hangout with miraa chewers in Mombasa, please shika adabu yako. Wacha kuuliza, 'Mnamaliza kuchana saa ngapi? Tunataka kuenda Club. '
Eeeeeeeeeeeeerm.....Tukimaliza utajua.
12. South Coast is on the other side of Likoni ferry. Over 1 hour drive from Mombasa. Same as Malindi na watamu on the north. So unless uko Mombasa Town, usisumbue watu ati mkutane. Hiyo ni k**a kutuambia tupange Safari. We don't like moving around.
13. All our clubs (we only have 9 or 10) most clubs in Mombasa are around Kenol/Nakumatt Nyali area. Hatujui 'ni gani poa' ama 'Yenye hukuwa na ma dame wasupuu.' Explore and find the one you like most for yourself .
14. We too know how to drive on pavements,but we opt not to coz we’re living in an island which you can circle 14 times a day….so no hurry.
15. Here we see cars …yes even before you do. Everyone here has seen a Bentley DONT ATTEMPT TO VRUUUM AROUND TOWN with your ka Subaru playing loud music. Na kupenda kudrive bila t-shirts or vest..in the name of Coasto is hot..Muaache hii tabia..
16. Kushukisha ama kushusha muache mtito wa ndei
Huku twasema bwaga!!!! When in a public transport and you want to alight , just shout "bwaga hapo ...." and not "shusha hapo" - Shusha here means something to do with intimacy ) also don't say "shukisha".
17. Beach Mombasa ni nyini c lazma mujazane pirates...unaeza enda zengine...Nyali , shelly etc...
18. Na mbaazi na mahamri huliwa asubuhi,sio saa sita wala jioni.
Biriani is a very special delicacy in the coast. It is such a special meal for us such that most hotels prepare it on Fri, Sat, and Sunday's...and is normally prepared at exactly lunch hours. Usishinde ukitusumbua hapa ati wataka biriani, tena unaitisha ya supper??
19. Malindi and Lamu are also in Coast. 'Coast is not equal to 'Mombasa' only. Mtwapa is in Kilifi county , don't sin there and shout around you are in Mombasa.
20. Huku hatupashi kachumbari moto.
21. Ferry ni bure kwa abiria watu hawalipishwi...but don't take too many free rides...
22. And ladies be careful as you swim, there are always predators on standby waiting to take advantage of you when you're drowning. Utaskia wakikuambia" Heri unipe nichovye asali ama niache mkutane na Maulana"
23. When we say "ngiri" we mean WARTHOG not "Thousand"
24. Pia Kumbukeni kuwa watu huenda beach "kuogelea", na sio "kuoga".Hii ya kuoga utafanya huko kwenu bara bafuni na dodoki na beseni lako la Maji.
25. Hapa hatu salimiani using the word "niaje" tuna tumia "mambo" na mambo ya ku endaNGA kujaNGA kulaNGA ogaNGA hizi NGA nyingi WACHENI kwenu.
26. Ukipotea njia,au kuna jambo lingine lile linakutatiza ,USIOGOPE KUMULIZA yule mtu yuko karibu nawe, huku watu ni wakarimu,utasaidiwa haraka na kwa wepesi.
27. Please reduce the "sheng" language coz most of your words are not very pleasing to our ears. Just speak simple Swahili we will understand you.
28. ushawahi skia mahali kunaitwa Chuda? Haya we ngojea mat Imeandikwa Chuda… utangojastage hadi New Year! Hua inaandikwa Tudor. Sawa mtu wa bara?
29. Kababu sio Grandpa/Guka – ni kitu ya kukuliwa/snack.
30. Nyali Bridge haiko Nyali estate – so usiende kuitafuta huko. Lol!
Most importantly, huku Bado ni Kenya si Miami so public decorum and good manners msiwache Nairobi.
Have fun, take care of your belongings , your pickpockets are here on holiday too! and above all stay safe.
