28/03/2022
The Kitui Kisomba: Staying at The Teetotalerâs Loft For Free....by Faith Mutegi
"Just like me, you must have all heard of the supernatural stories from Ukambani. From the rock that changes your gender (Nzambani Rock), to the bizarre river that ascends (Kituluni Hills), then the dubious poster of mganga kutoka Kitui next to your apartments in Githurai. These supernatural believes nurture the demon in you that will not let you sit still in a club when a Kamba DJ tells you, âLeo nitawaroga roga!â Save for me of course.
These are the kinds of stories that drive me crazy when fellow mavericks like Regina Mutiru call and tell me, âKathambi, twende Kitui.â Mutiru is one of those charming Kamba babes that will talk you into anything. Her dreadlocks so clean and always retouched, complement her slender demeanour that is always clad in an African attire. She could easily be a painter rather than the knowledgeable peace, security and reconciliation think tank that she is, traversing continental and international confines to mediate.
I am just a free spirit from the county of unreasonable votes in Tharaka Nithi, who accepts the craziest of ideas and questions all of them later.
âTutaona Mganga?â I retort as I pack and soon, we are on our way to Kitui, past Thika Road, bursting our eardrums with random music blaring through this vintage speaker that I got from my love for Christmas. The Mganga conversation is shelved but we silently know it is not totally deleted.
Then the tarmacked road ends and the fun begins.
I love the stories my friend tells us about the dusty roads they trekked on foot with her grandmother, showing us the far away mountains where her old lady prayed to her gods. I love these stories, but the witchdoctor idea whets my appetite.
The marks of the seasonal rivers that claim multiple lives every rainy season, are prevalent with no sign of water or any greenery nearby. I wonder where everyone is at in this sun. No sign of people or children, just structures made out of stone and towering rocks that command the land in their enormousness. Could everyone be at the witchdoctors? Of course I do not ask that, but I definitely want to know which one of those rocks might change my gender if I run around it seven times.
I found the rock, Zambani Rock. I still belong to the other gender, the alleged eating fare kind.
I found all the people too! Not at the witchdoctors, but at a funeral, which is not the usual doom and gloom, but a burst of all colours known to man, with yellow carrying the day, just like the anecdote âWakamba na yellowâ goes! At this funeral, my muscle memory keeps telling me to be sad, but trust Kambas to turn any occasion into a fun fĂȘte, a beautiful celebration of this womanâs beautiful life. She was my friendâs friend, so trust me to crush all events including well organised funerals.
My wishes to see a witchdoctor are deterred the next morning, when I wake up to the site of a beautifully thatched loft a few meters off the ground, cool and cemented inside. It has been uninhabited for years, owing to my friend Mutiruâs upgrade to a bungalow where we spent the night. I was disconcerted, knowing that I could have slept in this historical beauty, a granary that I have grown, not only to love sleeping in, but also to call the teetotalerâs loft because there is no way you will get up there tipsy!
The cool nights I have spent in this loft, and the morning hallow rays waking me up through the walls thatched of strong straw have given me a therapeutic experience only close enough to visiting a witchdoctor, which I might have done. I took it a step further and showered outside, naked, several nights in a row!
Who knows? Maybe the next time I go back to Kitui, I might pass by Machakos to pay homage to that river that ascends.
All these supernatural occurrences now make sense to me. They are a true representation of a people who maximize on hard work, despite the scorching sun and scarce to no water, farming and harvesting in land we all perceive as bare. These beautiful men and women dress up in impressive colours on this draining weather and never ever let a party end before midnight. Who would not want to be enchanted by such witchcraft?
So, the next time the bandwagon goes to Kitui, led by my beautiful host Mutiru, do not be left behind. My friend Mutiru will not charge you a dime for your stay. You just have to raise enough money for your transport and food for a chance to sleep at the mansion and possibly try changing to the rake gender if you are tired of eating fare. But if you want to stay home, meditate, bake a traditional cake or write a book, the two bedroomed loft, or Kisomba if you like, has got you covered"
Join the team this coming weekend on 2nd and 3rd March for an awesome cutural experince.
