21/02/2021
Before you marry, ensure you ask his or her general view about s*x.
A woman came to me for counseling complaining her husband doesn't have s*x with her. The husband can go three months without touching her. Any attempt for her to initiate s*x will lead to rejection. Not because the man is cheating. Not because she's not beautiful.
She made me know that in their five years of marriage, they have not had s*x up to 20 times.
This has affected her badly which made her resort into ma********on as the only means of satisfying herself s*xually because she can't cheat. The couple attend one of the most spiritual churches in Nigeria.
I asked her, did you discuss s*x during your courtship? She said, no that their Church doesn't permit s*x discussion in courtship.
I asked, why can't you approach your church about the s*xual problem you and your husband has? She said, no. Nobody talks about s*x in their church. Despite the husband is a Pastor and she is the wife of a Pastor, it does not stop her from being s*xually frustrated.
She said any attempt for her to raise the issue of their s*xual problem, the man will shut her down and tell her that she's becoming worldly in her conversation. She will keep shut due to shame of not being tagged as being loose or promiscuous.
She married as a virgin and never masturbated while she was single but she's ma********ng in a s*xually frustrated marriage. She said that aside me, she has not had the boldness to discuss it with anyone else being a Pastor's wife.
I know some of the rules of not talking about s*x is to avoid fornication but wisdom demands that if you are not a baby Christian, you should have discussion around s*x with someone you want to have s*x with for the rest of your life.
How s*x should be done, what types of s*x should be done, how often s*x should be done? Some people believe s*x should only happen when you want to get pregnant. Some believe in s*x during menstruation while some don't believe. Some believe missionary position is the only acceptable s*x style. Some believe 2 minutes of s*x is enough.
Some believe in oral or a**l s*x which you may never discover until you get married but asking his or her view will make your partner tell you their mind unknowingly. You would have gotten the information you need before you reach conclusion if you should continue to marriage or not.
Don't be like another lady who married a virgin who came to me crying that the husband ask her for oral s*x and she declined. The man said there won't be peace in the family except she grants her. She said that she can't use the mouth she's using to pray in tongues to suck a man. They never discuss s*x during their courtship.
Don't assume for your partner. Ask a healthy questions about s*x in your public meeting during courtship to avoid had I know. Many who shy away from discussing s*x due to over-spirituality are dying in silence and living in regret because they thought they would always speak about spiritual things in marriage. Some of them are into ma********on, po*******hy and even cheating just to satisfy their body.
In your marriage, you will not always pray and fast, you will have s*x. Yes, I am talking about you. Your body will demand for s*x. You will be both naked unashamed. S*x is like a food, the preparation determines the level of the enjoyment.
Read books about s*x, men and women anatomy as you are close to wedding day.
It's recommended that s*x should not be the major discussion in the beginning of any relationship. As times goes by, it can be reviewed and discussed.
Warning : S*x shouldn't dominate your discussion in your courtship, else premarital s*x will be inevitable. Erotic discussion should be avoided to avoid unnecessary s*xual urge.
© Love Doctor Oluwaniyi Aderopo Hezekiah
