07/02/2026
Chapter 4
THE OPPOSITION THAT OPPOSES ITSELF
1 And it came to pass that while the Ruling House of the APC sought to perform miracles, turning stones into bread and promising milk and honey in a land of scarcity, the opposition sat in the dust and ashes.
2 Behold, the opposition was not a shield against the sword, but a sword unto itself. And the people looked upon them and said, "Woe unto them, for they fight amongst themselves while the city burns."
3 First among them was the Great Congregation, known in the tongues of the land as the PDP. Verily, they were once the masters of the land, but now they were a house divided.
4 Their leader was Abiram, the Elder of the North, a man of great substance and many wives. Abiram loved the throne with a love that was stronger than death. Year after year, he rose up and said, "I shall be King." And year after year, the people said, "Nay."
5 But Abiram believed not in the ballot, but in the gavel. For he dwelt constantly in the house of the Judges. He loved the court as the fish loveth the water. He petitioned, and he appealed, and he appealed again.
6 And it was said in the streets, "If Abiram knocketh on the door of the Supreme Court enough times, the judges shall eventually open it, not because he is right, but because they are weary of his face."
7 Yet, a great pestilence was within the camp of Abiram. For the Congregation was rent asunder by the Spirit of Discord.
8 There was the Natan, the builder of the South, the minister of the powerful city of Abuja. Natan gathered unto himself five governors, and they were called the Fifty-Five, for they brought confusion upon the house.
9 Natan stood in the market square and prophesied against Abiram, saying, "Thou art too old, and thou art too greedy. We shall not support thee unless thou givest us the Southern Kingdom."
10 And Abiram gnashed his teeth, but he was weak, for the Spirit of the Party had departed. The Council of the Elders, led by a man named Ayiwaju, fought with Natan, and there was war in the camp.
11 And there was Saul, the Governor of Oyo, who sat upon his hill and watched the chaos. Saul cared not for the battles of Abiram or Natan. He counted his shekels and said, "Let them fight; I shall gather the tithes of my people and build my own empire." He was the wise one who kept his lips sealed while his brethren perished.
12 Thus the Great Congregation became a laughingstock. They had the numbers, but they had no head. They were a body without a soul, a sheep without a shepherd, wandering in the wilderness of litigation.
13 And lo, there arose a new noise in the land, the sound of many voices crying out from the Net of the Internet. This was the tribe of the Labour.
14 Their champion was Obed, a man of small stature but of great speed with his tongue. He spoke of a new Jerusalem, a land where the youth would eat and not be hungry. And the youth believed him, and they called themselves the Obed-ients.
15 They were a multitude like the sand of the sea, fierce upon the tablets of their phones. They typed with the fury of the prophets, and they trended with the speed of lightning. If a man mocked Obed, the Obed-ients descended upon him like a plague of locusts, leaving no "like" or "share" behind.
16 But alas, the Party of Labour was built upon sand, not rock. For while the disciples were loud upon the Net, the High Priest, Abner, was besieged by demons.
17 Abner, the keeper of the scrolls, fought not the enemy, but his own brothers. For there were many who claimed to be the true Chairman. And Abner spent his days in the courts, answering summons, and defending his seat with the vigor of a man fighting for his last breath.
18 So the Party of Labour was less a government, and more a loud assembly in the valley. It was a WhatsApp group with a logo. They had the spirit, but they had no structure. They were a cloud without rain.
19 Yet, in the tribe of Abia, there was a governor named Azariah. He was of the Labour, but he was wise. He took the trowel in his hand and fixed the roads. He paved the streets where the chariots of the people traveled.
20 And the people marveled, saying, "Behold, Azariah doeth the work of a King while his party fighteth over the title of Scribe." He was the one tree bearing fruit in a forest of dry timber.
21 And in the North, in the ancient city of Kano, there was a great feud between two titans.
22 Caleb the Red-Capped, he of the NNPP, stood in the gap. He was a man of the people, a wrestler of old. He sought to reclaim the throne of the North.
23 But standing against him was Gamaliel, the one who saw the dollars fall from the sky in visions. Gamaliel was now the head of the Ruling House, and he sharpened his sword against Caleb.
24 They were like two elephants fighting in the garden. The earth shook when they clashed. And when the elephants fight, the grass suffereth.
25 The people of Kano were the grass. They were trampled, and uprooted, and used for decoration while Caleb and Gamaliel tossed the governorship seat back and forth like a ball of leather.
26 One day the Judge would say, "Caleb is King," and the people would shout. The next day, another Judge would say, "Nay, Gamaliel holds the scepter," and the people would wail.
27 And the seat flipped like a pancake in the hands of a hungry cook. There was no rest in Kano, only the sound of the gavel and the gnashing of teeth.
28 So the opposition looked like a man trying to climb a greasy pole while his own brothers pulled at his ankles.
29 Verily, the Ruling House sat back and ate their roasted corn, watching the spectacle. For they knew that while the opposition fought itself, the throne was safe.
30 Thus endeth the chapter of the confused, the loud, and the litigious. And the people waited for a saviour, but they found only lawyers.