08/12/2025
Forgiveness Is for You, Not Your Offender
When I was a teenager in church, we had a pastor’s wife—let’s call her Mummy C. For reasons I never fully understood, Mommy C felt like I was “too forward,” too fast for my age, too expressive, too visible. And somehow, from that moment on, I just wasn’t her favourite person.
That perception lingered for years. At some point, I wasn’t even sure if she simply disliked me—or if she had already concluded I would never turn out well. What hurt the most wasn’t even the judgment; it was the feeling that she had already written my future in her mind.
Many years later, my mum ran into her and mentioned casually that I was now married. And Mommy C replied,
“Thank God she married on time. If not, she probably would have gotten pregnant or something would have spoiled her testimony.”
When my mum told me, I was furious. I was deeply hurt. That after so many years of not seeing me, she still held the same terrible image of me. That day, something shifted in my heart. I didn’t just feel hurt—I developed bitterness. I avoided anything that reminded me of her. I didn’t want to hear her name. And somehow, without realizing it, I was carrying her in my heart—heavy and unhealed.
Worse still, a part of me wanted to prove her wrong loudly. I wanted her to see my life, my growth, my marriage, my success—and silently scream, “See me now!”
It wasn’t about vindication anymore; it was about wounded pride.
But I said nothing. I moved on with life—or so I thought.
Until one night.
I was alone in my hotel room in Victoria Island during a conference. It was Holy ghost service night so i connected online. And suddenly—without warning the Holy Spirit whispered clearly to my heart:
“You have not forgiven her.”
For the first time, I realized that the bitterness I thought I had buried was still very alive. I realized that the person I “didn’t care about” still had emotional access to me. I realized that while she had likely moved on with her life, I was the one still bleeding from the wound.
I stood up and screamed, I wont, I can't, me o Daughter of Zion arguing with Holyspirit. He said, you can,
“Forgive her.” “Forgive her.” “Forgive her.”
Eventually that night, between sobs and worship, I said these words out loud:
“Lord… I forgive her. Truly, completely. I release her from my heart.”
Then, a few months later, I got a shocking call: “Mommy C is dead.”
Jesus. I felt genuine pain,while I was releasing her, she was battling for her life. But beyond the pain was something deeper—The joy that I was not holding her captive in my heart anymore. The joy that I had obeyed God on time.
Imagine if I had still been bitter and I heard that news. Imagine the guilt. The accusations. The shame. The devil would have mocked me. Imagine attending her burial with unforgiveness in my heart. The devil would have tormented me endlessly saying go and show her your success now, you should be happy now.
But I attended her burial with peace.
No guilt.
No shame.
No bitterness.
Complete closure.
I hugged her children with a clean heart. No hidden anger. No desire to revenge. No desire to prove anything. Everything had already been laid down that night—alone in my room—not for her but for myself.
This Is the Truth About Forgiveness
Forgiveness is not for the person who hurt you.
They may never apologize.
They may never acknowledge the pain.
They may never even remember what they did.
Forgiveness is for you—
so your heart can breathe again,
so your prayers won’t be blocked,
so your joy won’t be contaminated,
so your growth won’t be poisoned by yesterday.
Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies.
Above all, forgiveness is a command from God, I prioritize my obedience to God above my ego, feelings and the actions of any mortal man.
Today, Let Go and Let God.
