12/09/2025
Listening to others in a way that makes them feel really heard, and change, is possible! And listening in this way can even lead to social change.
"This book is the result of my learning, practicing and teaching listening for over 50 years. My purpose is to disseminate empathic listening to the general population so that this “subprocess” of psychotherapy, according to Gendlin, is widely expanded which thereby increases the mental health of the whole population.
I first discovered this powerful way of responding when I was “listened to” by Gene in January 1971 in a workshop. It was so impactful that I asked my friend at the end of the workshop, “What did he do to me?” Upon finding out I went to Gene and asked if he would teach me. He said, “Sure. Come over to my house,” which I did and that was the catalyst for his writing the “Rap Manual” later changed to the “Listening Manual,” Chapter 11 in Focusing. He generously cites me in a footnote. That first instance began the journey resulting in this book.
In my book I introduce this way of responding and present many examples from everyday interactions in which people change when “listened to.” I urge readers to try out this listening, saying that anyone can learn to do it. I include several chapters of instructions with incremental refinement and sophistication so that both people new to listening and experienced practitioners benefit.
Further I present an understanding of empathic listening which transforms it from a skill, to a way of being with another, in which the speaker moves forward in their living. When this is done as is possible in many everyday interactions, it also becomes an act of social change"
When a friend, neighbor, family member, or stranger shares something important, our instinct is say something, to add something. If what they are sharing is something distressful or discomforting we run to the rescue. To give advice, find solutions, or commiserate with similar experiences. tea...
