09/09/2026
This fortnight in our meetings we're talking about how Confidence in public speaking is learned, but so is fear!
We often hear it’s natural to feel nervous when speaking — but is it really?
Comedian Jerry Seinfeld once joked that at a funeral, most people would rather be in the box than giving the eulogy. From meetings to networking events, we’ve normalised fear as the price of visibility. Yet nervousness isn’t natural; it’s learned — and anything learned can be unlearned.
If you’re not confident when you speak, you’re not yet the best ambassador for your business. Confidence isn’t for extroverts; it’s a universal skill anyone can reclaim.
If you said you were nervous about presenting, most people would call it ‘natural’. That belief spreads — we collectively agree fear is normal, and it becomes self-reinforcing.
But as a child, you couldn’t wait to speak — even before you had words. The drive to express yourself is innate, but what changes is conditioning. At school we learn to fit in, not stand out. At work, staying safe means staying quiet.
Public-speaking fear is evolutionary: standing alone before a group once risked rejection from the tribe. That instinct once kept us alive, but today it stops us leading. Recognising that fear is not natural but a learned behaviour, is the first step in unlearning it.
People form impressions in seconds, mostly through energy and body language. We read tiny cues — a quiver, a backward step, a shaky hand. When someone seems unsure, we doubt their message.
On the other hand confident speakers project credibility. They speak clearly, hold space, and show certainty — not by knowing everything, but by making sense of the world for others. Leadership isn’t about being right; it’s about giving people clarity and calm. When your energy communicates confidence, people trust you — and your business.
Start with your first thought. “I’ll mess this up” triggers anxiety and tension. Replace it with something grounding: “I’ve got this,” or “It’s only ten minutes.”
Set a better goal. Don’t aim to survive; aim to thrive. When your goal shifts from endurance to enjoyment, your energy lifts.
Shift the spotlight. Stop performing and start serving. When you focus on your audience, authenticity flows and nerves fade.
Fear of speaking isn’t who you are — it’s what you’ve learned. The moment you stop accepting fear as normal, you begin to unlearn it.
Confidence transforms not only how others see you, but how you see yourself — and that ripple goes far beyond the stage. Decide you’re done being afraid — and Wake Up Your WOW!
If you want to find out a little more about the author Cath Vincent go have a nosey here: https://www.nzbusinesswomen.co.nz/profile/cathvincent
