18/10/2024
They both peered into Wocko’s locker, all they could see was a giant black bin liner, full of festering clothes.
“Where is all your kit, Watkinson?”
“In the bag sir, that’s my dirty washing for the laundrette, wash day is not until tomorrow sir.”
The Sergeant and Platoon Commander look at each other in disbelief. Sgt Billings then peeled one of Wocko’s socks off his locker door with his pace stick and held it up.
“What the f**k is that stuck to your locker door?”
“It’s one of my socks Sir, I’ve been looking for that.”
“It looks like it was trying to f**king escape.”
“So that’s what the smell is!” Wocko said.
The PC looked disgusted; Sgt Billings’ nose was now one millimetre away from Wocko’s face.
“You are a f**king disgrace to the regiment soldier.” Sgt Billings started to raise his voice.
“I bet if I threw this sock out of the window it would start eating the f**king grass it‘s f**king alive, you soldier are a walking f**king disease…”
"Excuse me Sergeant, but I really don't appreciate you raising your voice around me. I find it most rude, and it hurts my feelings."
The Platoon Sergeant and PC just stand there opened mouthed; gob smacked! Sgt Billings was the first to react.
“Show Parade tonight.” He shouted.
Wocko was used to Show parade, he’d done that many of them, he could write a book about it, it was supposed to be a punishment, it didn’t work for Wocko.
Wocko smiled “I’m already on Show Parade tonight sir.”
Sgt Billings stopped in his tracks.
“Okay, tomorrow night then, smart arse.”
“And tomorrow night sir. In fact, I’m fully booked up for the rest of the week. I could look in my diary and see when I’m next available Sir!”
‘Shuttttt…. Upppp’
Sgt Billings realised he was getting nowhere.
“Watkinson. I give up, I’m a beaten man, all I know is, if we ever go to war just make sure you’re next to me, the enemy will run a f**king mile if they smelt you coming. You can join Edwards, on guard duty this weekend.”
‘Army Barmy’ By Clive Ward. My first book. A lost in time satirical look at life in the British Army in the 1970's 80’s www.clivewardauthor.com
Available on Amazon kindle only £1.99 or (free on kindle unlimited) paperback £4.18
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Army-Barmy-Revised-Clive-Ward-ebook/dp/B0131B3736/ref=tmm_kin_title_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1465915631&sr=8-1
