01/09/2025
You'll know that this page is all about the good and the outright s**t!
Today is about the mostly s**t,but the good is there.
Last week I went to the hospital with a friend, they asked me to go as support as well as thinking it may help a little with my extreme panic and anxiety around hospitals. I thought yip I can do this, I'm strong!. The panic was intense! I could bearly breathe it felt like something was crushing my chest, heart palpitations, clammy the full works. We had to go to the beach after to try and regulate and reset.
I get great comments on my poached and scrambled eggs from customers, but for the life of me on Sunday they just would not work! Eveytime I would make an order 1 would come out an absolute ball of perfection and the other would come out looking like it had just staggered home from a weeks party!
Even the pizza went nup your not leaving me out - i went to get it out of the oven and the topping slid clean off the base onto the pizza stone! That's NEVER happened before.
I made beautiful loaded wedges and plated them up and thought YES I've done something right, rung the bell so they could come and get them and her face just dropped as she knew I was struggling and
She quietly said they are takeaway, which was written on the docket!
Everything i touched just wouldn't work!
Mum has been unwell for quite some time and yesterday Gracie had to take her to hospital, she's in a lot of pain and they discharged her just before midnight.
I feel so guilty for not being there for her and had quite a big breakdown yesterday and just felt a complete and utter failure.
I just wanted to get in the car and drive far away!
A friend came and found me and calmed me right down.
It's Mats birthday today and I'm actually feeling a sence of peace and calm.
I feel so much stronger and positive today.
I'm forever grateful that I have people around me that don't judge me and just take me as I am without battering an eyelid.
Happy birthday my love, we are having pav for tea tonight - your favorite.
We miss you and I hope you are still up there causing havoc with dad ❤️
Thank you for being with me everyday and giving me the strength I need.
The kids and I love you forever and always 💛
The beach is just perfection this morning ❤️
