Green Bench Consulting

24/02/2023

Do emotions influence elephants?

12/02/2023

How do we get into trouble?

31/01/2023

Humanity

I was on a coaching call with a friend this morning who is having a rough time. As I was talking, I heard myself saying these words to him.

“You have to watch over your humanity. No one else will do it for you.”

It got me thinking, what does that mean?

Systems by their very nature don’t care about any one individual. They care about groups and the interdependencies of the groups to produce, but the “well-being” of each individual is not within the scope of a system. Any system you are in has its survival as a higher priority than your well-being.

To watch over your humanity means:

I am in charge of my life – I don’t place myself above the system, but I must look out for myself in the system. I alone have the motive and responsibility to do what is best for me in the long term.

I own my own emotions – They are MINE and vital to the quality of my life. If I am so busy that I have no time to reflect, feel and engage with what is going on inside, it is my loss. My emotions matter because I matter.

My choices matter – I cannot forget that I have a choice in the life I live. My choices matter because I matter.

I maintain a softness, a vulnerability to life – Pain is there for a reason. Life is not trying to hurt me just for fun, but the pain is to remind me that caring about pain is essential to humanity. I take care of pain because I have value and I make space for others' pain because they have value.

If you lose your humanity, love of life, passion, beauty, and mystery, you have lost the very thing you were working for in the first place. Empty shells may get a job done but there is no creativity, ownership, motivation, and passion without your humanity and that is your responsibility to watch over.

This is just another way of saying that the goal in tension is to be fully present. To be fully present means I bring all my humanity with me into all I do.

Reflective questions
How are you doing with your humanity?
What does it mean for you to own it and watch over it?
Where is one area where you have left your humanity behind?

29/01/2023

The power of questions.

25/01/2023

How are you at dealing with -umptions?

23/01/2023

Making space for their ‘presence’ in uncertainty

The disciplined work of modern leadership is being able to show up or be fully present in uncertainty. Within the definition of the word uncertainty is the feelings of vulnerability, insecurity and being exposed.

While I am doing my internal work of making sure I am fully engaged, I must also make room for others to show up. Here are some key ways to help others be fully present and to create an effective team.

Teach them to talk about tension – If you can’t talk about something, you can’t change it. The first and most essential step of dealing with uncertainty is learning to be fully present in tension. Train the team to see that tension is normal and doesn’t mean something is wrong.

Model vulnerability to the group – You don’t have to be perfectly vulnerable; it is not possible. Just be working at it. If you are waiting for others to do it first, don’t bother reading on as you have to be willing to try yourself before others follow suit.

Be clear on boundaries – For a team to be safe, there must be an ongoing dialogue about healthy boundaries for each member and the team. A primary aspect of building and keeping clear boundaries is that each voice matters. When there are clear boundaries, there will be tension, as that is what clear boundaries creates. Go back to point one.

Focus on the gifts each person has – No one cares what a person can’t do. Building a team is finding what a person can do and teaching them to do it well with others.

It takes time – In a fast-paced world, this creates tension. You grow safety in a group; you don’t import it in.

Make it a safe place to talk about issues of the heart – Each person has to feel respected for who they are. If you don’t take the time to talk about issues in the heart, the unspoken message is that they are not important and the task is all that matters. Go back to the first point. To change faster, you have to be willing to slow down at times.

Create a culture of inquiry – The whole point of uncertainty is that you don’t know. The way to succeed in uncertainty is to create a culture where people are encouraged to ask questions.

Be clear on expectations – Be clear about who you are and why you exist. The most important thing is to keep the most important thing, the most important thing.

Being safe is a feeling word, not a rational word – Name the emotions people are feeling and talk about them. With this, be clear that each person must own their emotions. The group is not making a person feel a certain way. Uncertainty exposes us, reveals what is inside of us. It does not create what is there.

I know why it is so hard to do this for others. It is because I must first be willing to do it within myself. When I am ‘safe’ and comfortable in my own skin, then and only then can I make it safe for others to join me.

© Matt Rawlins
Green Bench Consulting
Telegram – Leadership reflections:

17/01/2023

The Human Challenge.

14/01/2023

The work of leadership.

10/01/2023

Change begins in a strange place.

09/01/2023

A super power we all have.

28/12/2022

06/12/2022

Elephant in the Room (2)