09/06/2025
Congregants Beat Zimbabwean Prophet to a Pulp After He Failed to Turn Water Into Wine
Harare, Zimbabwe — Chaos erupted at a moonlight crusade on Saturday evening when Prophet Evidence “The Vineyard” Mapositori failed to deliver on his most hyped miracle yet — turning water into wine. Angry congregants, many of whom had skipped dinner and brought empty jerrycans in high hopes, reportedly turned the miracle site into a full-blown brawl.
The self-proclaimed man of God had confidently promised attendees that by 10:00 PM sharp, “Merlot shall flow like Zambezi!” What followed, however, was a soggy mess of plastic drums, confused ushers, and visibly frustrated believers.
Eyewitnesses say Prophet Evidence spent over an hour whispering into the barrels, dramatically pointing at the water while occasionally blowing into the containers like he was warming up leftovers. “He even licked his finger, dipped it in the water and shouted ‘Taste the transformation!’” said one disappointed congregant. “It still tasted like council tap water.”
